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Thursday, August 17, 2006

Endo visit

I've got an endo visit this afternoon.  I'm both excited and scared.  Excited because I absolutely LOVE my endo!!!!!  She is amazing, caring and takes tons of time with me (most visits last well over an hour with her).

Scared because since my latest battles with the dreaded Quicksets, I've been somewhat avoiding testing.

I don't handle highs very well.  I see them as tiny examples of how I'm failing and I.HATE.FAILING. 

Didn't help that I also ran out of strips at work yesterday morning.  Didn't see that the new ones had been delivered sometime last night, so there's a huge gaping hole for the past 24 hrs.

I'm also scared because I'm not sure what's going on with my depression.  Most days I really am OK, but then something comes along and I instantly spiral downwards, and that's what scares me, how quickly I can spiral.  The current spiral is over finances, or lack thereof.  I should be proud of DH and myself,  we chopped $110/month off of our expenses, and that was without feeling any pain.  Instead, I'm stuck focusing on what an utter failure I feel like since I apparently can't balance a checkbook any better then A could.  I'm afraid that I need my happy pills again.

I DON'T WANT TO NEED ANOTHER DAMN MEDICATION!!!!!

I'm also excited because I'm working towards getting the go ahead to start trying to conceive again - which also scares me to the bone, and does not lend well to the current finance spiral of hell ;) and I see each appt as one step closer.

I didn't have a lab slip to get another A1C drawn, so I'll have to wait on that.  Hoping that I've pulled my act together enough to see a nice shiney, low 7.  Goal is 6.5 or lower by Nov.

I've printed out my charts (all 17 pages - yes I'm a little OCD about it), I've mentally prepared myself for the scale (that's a whole other post) and I'm getting quite excited.




3 comments:

Scott K. Johnson said...

Hey Sarah,

Good luck with your appt. It sounds like your endo is super and will help you through whatever you need. That's a very important piece to the puzzle.

I too despise being dependant on "brain meds". For me, when I'm off them for any length of time, I get very irritable and snappy. It's awful.

Johnboy said...

oh man, life is just so doggone complicated, idn't?

just know that you aren't alone in all this and we are here...

good luck with the endo appt. let us know how it turns out!

julia said...

Maybe if you look at it this way: You need insulin, right? You wouldn't stop taking it just because it's another medication. Think of an anti-depressant in the same way. You need it. Maybe not forever, but for now, you need it. You need it to be you, to be there for your daughter and husband and all the other people and things in your life. Besides, if you want to get pregnant again, you don't need the hormonal hell of pregnancy on top of the depression. I fought that battle when I was pregnant with The Boo. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with The Bug, I went back on the meds. It helped a lot.