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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Home, Sweet Home

Well we're finally home. We got to visit with BIL and FIL for a short while this morning, then decided to pick up "she who cries a lot" and head for home. We figured that DD needed to get home, since she hadn't seen her crib in over 3.5 days. If there's one thing you learn quickly with a toddler, its the overwhelming, life-threatening NEED for structure and routine and we managed to trash hers to itty-bitty bits in the matter of 1 weekend. It wasn't pretty and we're going to have to devote LOTS of manhours re-establishing her routine.

Thankfully, though, both FIL and BIL look great and so far we are in the clear. They've both passed the critical 24 hour mark with flying colors.

Day 2 - just about over, 363 more till we all breathe the "mother" of all relief sighs.

If anyone can recommend a good toddler CD - I'm all ears!! We've now officially logged over 10 hours of Seseame Street this weekend and if Cookie Monster loses his cookie at the disco one more time, I just might lose all of mine, permanently!

Monday, February 27, 2006

One to go

Ok, BIL is just about out of surgery now. Everything went great! They were able to take a little bit more liver then they were expecting.

They're working on putting it into FIL now.


This is so very surreal. I'm sitting here, reading books, playing soduku, and typing and every once and a while it will hit me that our lives are on eggshells right now. I keep thinking that BIL & FIL are at appts or in a meeting and they'll be coming back any minute now. Then BAM!!! I remember why I'm really here. Its just sooo odd. So many things can change soooooo drastically right now. I wonder if this is some sort of emotional way of dealing with it.

3 hours in, at least 3 more to go.......

At the Hospital

Well we're here and the waiting has begun. FIL and BIL should be heading into surgery in about a 1/2 hr. We're all in the waiting room now.

Yesterday was an exciting day. DH's aunt and uncle came down from "God's Country" aka Northern Vermont. Hit white outs from the snow storm and ended up in a 25 car pile up. (We seriously need some good luck, if the good luck gods are listening!!!). Luckily they were ok, but their truck was totalled. They had another cousin bring a dolly down to tow it back up north. He ended up in a 20 car pile up. Then got pulled over when he was headed north again, because he didn't have working lights on the dolly....

We went to Foxwood's yesterday also. Lost our shirts! Well not really. I can't gamble enough to lose my shirt. I play $.02 slots....Ya, big gambler here!! We were there for 7 hours and left down $70 including lunch and we bought a book each for today, so not bad at all.

Ok, I'm really nervous, so this is probably a really bad post. I'll jump back on when we get an update.

Thanks for all the well wishes!!!

Kassie - if you're reading - Thanks for the link!

Friday, February 24, 2006


I've been tinkering with the layout. Hope you all like it. Header was made using papers from my newest kit. You can downloaded it using the link on the right.

Just Amazing...

So my life (well my entire family’s life) is going to be thrown for a loop in the coming weeks. On Monday, my BIL will be sharing his shiney, healthy, only somewhat used liver with my FIL. He will be donating over 60% of his liver to his dad. The liver has the amazing ability to actually regenerate, so in a little less then 3 months time, BIL will be back to about 80-90% of liver function and FIL should have just about 100% liver function. This is just amazing to me.

We found out 1 week ago today that the surgery would be this Monday. I think we’re all still in a little bit of shock. We knew it was coming, just not that quickly. It was so quick that BIL and SIL had a little courtroom wedding Wednesday afternoon during their lunch break. SIL’s work was refusing to let her take FMLA or use her sick days to help care for them after the surgery since she technically wasn’t “family” (even though they were getting married in July). So I had jokingly suggested that they get married now, and we’ll all just pretend that they didn’t in July. Honestly, never thought that they would actually go through with it. SIL called City Hall, they said “Come on down”. They had to go before a judge to get around the 3 day waiting period; he opened up with a gruff “So what happened?” and was totally shocked at their response (I’m assuming he was expecting more of a redneck, “She’s pregnant, your honor”). Signed their application without another word and wished them the best. Back to City Hall, met with the JP and wham, bam…They’re married!! In attendance, FIL, FIL & BIL’s Boss and SIL’s parents. That’s it.

On Sunday we’re heading to Foxwood’s for some fun before the storm. Hopefully it will keep everyone’s mind off Monday. Don’t care if we get lucky there. I’ll save all my luck for Monday!

Sunday night, we’ll head out to my cousin’s who lives about 15 minutes from the Lahey Clinic and sleep there since we have to be at the hospital for 6am (its about 1.5hrs from our house with no traffic). Come home Monday night, go to work Tues morning, leave at lunch and head back out to the Clinic.

BIL will probably spend about a week in the hospital, FIL 2 weeks.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Little Miss Screams A Lot

Honey, now really, can't you PLEASE give mommy and daddy a break. I hate that you can't tell me whats wrong, so instead you proceed to scream for hours and hours and hours and hours...The Drs say you aren't sick, so what's wrong??

Mommy's brain is still recovering from last weeks 4am wake-up call, and is still hallucinating bugs. I can't take the screaming anymore!! And while we're being honest, WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU SUDDENLY HITTING???!!! Where did you pick that lovely habit up? Its not funny, its not nice, and right now mommy doesn't know how to stop it, so its making me feel like I'm failing you.

Anyway back to the screaming...I'm beginning to wonder if you just find being miserable for miserable's sake fun. Really, there's no reason to your madness. You could be throwing the mother of all fits, to the point where I'm dialing the Ped's thinking you've got some horrible disease, I put you in the tub, and BAM you're all smiles....Take you out and that horrible, sadistic alter ego of yours comes back. Listen close honey...YOU CAN'T LIVE IN THE TUB!! Especially when you won't let me wash your hair while you're in there anyways...

Ok, its 7:45pm, you're still wide awake in your crib..I can hear you playing (dear god, thank the sweet lord, that at least you aren't screaming). Anyway, mommy's exhausted and she's going to bed...That's right mommy's going to bed before Jeapordy is even over...Honey, I'm 29, not 92, please stop making me feel like 92

Saturday, February 11, 2006

This is your mom......

....This is your Mom's brain at 4am....

4am is NOT an acceptable wake up time, Ally!! Especially not on a Saturday, one of the 2 days that Mommy can at least pretend that she gets to sleep in. You know what?? Noggin, is not even on at 4am!! (thank the cable gods for On Demand!).

Seriously, honey, mommy can't function when she gets up at 4am. She needs crack to do that, and she's really trying to cut back and yes, mommy hallucinates bugs at that ungodly hour. 4am really, REALLY makes me want to put the 4-Sale sign around your neck and put you out on the corner.

I knew I was in trouble when you were a crankpot last night and Daddy put you to bed at 6pm. What does he care? Saturday ain't his day! You best bet Daddy will be keeping you up until midnight to ensure that HE gets to sleep in tomorrow.

Luckily (I guess), you decided to grant me a tad glimpse of sanity and let me put you back to bed at 5:15am.

You were back up at 7, though.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Am I worth it?

I'm gonna get serious here for a moment. I've been told that I'll be more successful if I actual write stuff down.

So I've re-re-re-re-re-started Weight Watchers again. This time I'm doing core (which I really love by the way). Tuesday at our meeting, the leader had us focus on "Empowering Beliefs". Basically:
1) Is my goal desirable and worth it?
2) Do I believe I'm capable of acheiving my goal?
3) Am I worthy of acheiving that goal?

Ok, I've got no issues with #1. That's easy. My goal isn't even sooo much a weight goal (although I'd love to weigh 170 again), its a "I want to be able to walk into ANY store and be able to try on clothes"(within reason. Hey,I'll never be able to stroll into a petite shop and try stuff on..I'm anything but petite, and dieting ain't gonna change that!). I don't want to have to ever step foot into a Lane Bryant or Avenue again because I'm forced to by lack of other option. I mean, if I see something in there that I like..Fine, but being forced there, NOPE. So my goal is to fit into 12-14's.(OH, I also want a regular sized bath towel to fit ALL the way around me, but hey, I'm not actually going to admit that out loud, and don't tell anyone I told you that one...ok?)Very desirable goals, very "worth it" to me. These are things I dream about everytime I step foot into the mall (which I don't do often, since it depresses me...Maybe I should go more often as motivation?)

Ok, #2 - Do I believe I'm capable? Here, I'm a little less confident. Can I do it? I do it? Well technically - yes! Have I ever done it before - no. And that scares me. Sometimes I think I sabotage myself because its almost like I'm afraid that I will not be able to do it, and then I've failed, so if I don't try, its not like I actually F-A-I-L-E-D. I just didn't try. I don't handle failure well and honestly, I've never failed anything in my life (even that grad-level statistics course, according to UMASS, that D-....still passing!!). I've got to learn to stop letting my head battle itself. This is NOT one huge ultimate life "pass/fail" test. I look at the end and think OMG, I'm never going to get there. Its never going to happen. I have to stop thinking that way, and just think about today, and just next week's weigh-in. Celebrate each loss and learn from each gain.

And finally #3: Do I think I'm worthy of achieving this goal? - Hmmmmmm, Well deep down I know I am, but I have a tendency to put myself off, to make others happy. I don't even know how to verbalize what I do. Dh want's to go out to eat, "Okay" - not because I want to, not because I think I'll be able to navigate the tricky world of restaurant dining without screwing up, but "Okay" because it will make him happy. To bad, that I'll be either miserable with my choice at the joint because its either a tasteless, expensive piece of crap, or I ate horribly (there I go again, with the pass/fail, I can't compromise - its either eat like a rabbit, or go hog wild). I dunno, maybe that's not even an "am I worth it?" issue and still back to the "Can I achieve it?"...Ugh.

Ok, that was a lot of soul searching...Waaaay to deep. Anyone who made it through all of that, I applaud you, and hey give me a shout out if you can relate. Its really quiet here, talking to myself!!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


OMG!! Ok, so I'm really happy that DD finally calls me momma. Its the sweetest sound ever, except after the 1,000,000 pathetic-sounding mamma in the last 10 seconds (because, me "Mommy Dearest" won't let her play on the stairs), I'm pretty sure I'm going insane. I can't even think straight right now...I'm not even sure most of these sentences have verbs at the moment.

Why can't she say da-da-da-da-da-da??

And can someone please tell me why she hates my car soooo much?? DH claims that she's happier then a pig in...well you know, on her ride to DCP in the mornings. Well, when I pick her up, you'd think I was strapping her into some sort of Graco inspired torture device. I end up blasting her Sesame Street CD to drown her out, and sometimes I wonder which is worse. If I even think of putting the RADIO on, OMG, she takes it up about 400 decibles, that I didn't know a toddler could have. So there I am, every afternoon, listening to "The Gang", with my daughter screaming as if I'm bringing her to impending doom.

I just thank god right now its winter. What are people going to think, when I'm next to them at a light, CD blaring, me singing "A cat had a birthday, and all the cats came, to eat cat cake and play cat games, to open cat presents and when they were through, they sang happy birthday the way that cats do" while DD screams. Might as well call the looney bin now and reserve me a room!

Oh, and go ahead and sing along with me .."They sang, meow, meow, meow...Everybody do it now...Meow, meow, meow, really nothing to it now, meow, meow, meow, well imagine that! You just said Happy Birthday, in cat!" (its my favorite song :roll:)...and if I left you with a lovely tune stuck in your head....Well your welcome ;) I'll reserve your room next to me. Wonder if we can get a group rate?