floreksa. Get yours at

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Let them eat......Bread!

Yum! Yum! And so darn easy!

NY Times No Knead Bread1

Oh, the smell, the wonderful smell!

NY Time No Knead Bread 4

Crispy crust, airy texture....drool

Friday, December 29, 2006

Why I love my job - OR - A Day in the Life of the Hell That I Live

Ok, just need to freak for a second.

Background - Today is my assistant's last day. I was planning on taking her to lunch as her "goodbye" since this company thinks that you're committing Treason if you ever leave for greener pastures. Boss decides that he wants to get her a cake (which is shocking, but he's only being this generous because she's moving, not just up and leaving) and he'll have Wife pick it up (he does not tell me. HR tells me this). He doesn't tell said Wife anything about it, either. I ask/remind her yesterday. She flips out because Boss never mentioned it to her. I try to stay completely out of it, while dodging the shrapnel (she's pissed off as it is because Boss has her covering the phones while my sister is on Maternity - that's a WHOLE other story, but can I just say LEARN HOW TO TRANSFER INTO VOICEMAIL!!!!).

Fast-forward to today...

Boss's Wife comes to me after lunch saying that she has the cake and she's going to go get it out of the car, but then she pulls out attitude because SHE:

"shouldn't be the one doing this"

and that there were

"6 other people who quit and we didn't do anything for them"

and that SHE

"shouldn't have been the one responsible for getting the cake"

and that if

"you people want to do stuff like this then YOU need to do it on our own".

(like nails on a chalk board when she says that to customers..."You people owe us money"...)

WHOA, take a step back before I put you in your place!!!!!!!!!!!!

First off, HONEY! - YOUR HUSBAND, the BOSS, told HR that HE wanted to get a cake for my Assistant. HR told him that he SHOULDN'T because it sets a precedent and unless he's going to do it for everyone, he shouldn't do it for anyone. He announced that he was anyway and that Wife would get it.

2nd - NO ONE ASKED ME and I'm her Boss! If you asked me, all this trouble could've been avoided.

Now she's throwing all this attitude at me today. BULLSHIT. She bought a freaking tiny cake, She wants nothing to do with it, HR wants nothing to do with it and I have NO FREAKING CLUE what to do with it. I can't tell everybody to come because there's not enough cake, but there's WAY too much for just Me, Assistant, 2nd Assistant and replacement person.....UGH! I was just going to take her to lunch, easy-peasy, no one else the wiser, good-bye, good luck.

Don't even get me started on Boss's Wife's feelings on "going away parties".

Thursday, December 28, 2006

I'm a moron

I've been freaking out. My counter has registered 0 hits for 2 days now. I suddenly thought that everyone hated me. I couldn't believe the speed at which I went back to that shy girl in High School who thought nobody cared about what she said.

Um, ya...No Sarah! Heck you got comments yesterday! That should have tipped me off.

I forgot to put the meters back up on the new template. Oopsie. They're back. Now I can go back to my regularly scheduled mania over whether my daily hits stay around my average daily hits...LOL

New Low

I don't know if its the end of the year blahs, my depression returning, or just my plain, deep-seated annoyance and hatred of work, but I actually went out to lunch and ate by myself today. It was LIBERATING (if not a little bit embarrassing).

I've seen others eat by them self, never giving it another thought, but usually they have a newspaper, book or work with them. Not me! I just sat there, me, myself and I.

A lump on a log, loser, but you know what? It sure as hell beat staying at work!

This morning I had the grand pleasure of cleaning out the fridges at work. NOT.PLEASANT There was a horrid smell that would penetrate the entire kitchen every time one of the doors would open. I found:
1) a bottle of cream which expired Nov 2.
2) Salad which had lost its solid form and was now a liquefied bag of green jelly.
3) a petrified donut
4) Beef and Broccoli, only it wasn't the broccoli that was green (it had taken on a lovely poop brown color). I'm pretty sure it was alive and pissed at me.

The scent was so horrid I came dangerously close to adding my own "personal" blend to the mix. Nasty, and I shouldn't have had to deal with it, but I did, just like I do with everything else.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Messing Around

I'm updating my template, so please excuse the mess. Hoping to piece everything back together this afternoon.

Can anyone tell my why my stupid bloglines roll isn't working?

Friday, December 22, 2006

Merry Christmas!!

Since I can't possibly send each and every one of my cyber-friends a Christmas Card, I'll just post it here for all to enjoy!

Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Happy Kwanza
Merry Festivus

Whatever you celebrate (or not) I hope that you have a great weekend and a wonderful Monday!

Christmas Card 2006, originally uploaded by floreksa.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Damn Germs

So A's still sick and has added a whopper of an ear infection to her cold. 10 out of a 10 the Ped said. Grrrrr-eat! I've apparently stuck my head in mud because I can't hear, and every time I swallow my ears pop. JOY.

Not much has been happening that has been post worthy. Its still absolutely freezing at work. I've been told that the "furnace is broken" and "we haven't had time to fix it"....Um, HELLO, December here. We're in New England. It ain't gonna get warmer out! Whatever. I'm now wearing a thermal tank top, sweater and sitting on top of my electric heater (which isn't on HIGH). So I'm ok, the rest of the bastards who don't complain can freeze.

In one of my Mom's groups there been a thread about this bread recipe from the NYTimes. I've been DYING to try it. Finally going to give it a go starting on Friday, so that we can have some nice, crusty bread at dinner on Sat.

I've even created life out of flour and water! Bwha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa I created a sour dough started and shit if it didn't actually work! It did take 2 tries as DH threw the first attempt out at the end of day 2, not knowing that the pancake looking batter that smelt slightly beer-y SHOULD be there. But, he was informed and I've had an awesome 2nd try which has been growing amazingly well. Can't wait to use it in the bread!

Well I guess that's it. Nothing Shakespearian from me today. Sorry.

Friday, December 15, 2006

And its done

I'm 30. I did it, I turned 30. It was pretty painless. I think it happened sometime early this morning. I didn't wake up when it happened. It just sort of happened.

30 should be one of those birthday's where the entire day is a gimme!

Gimme a day off! PAID
Gimme a shopping spree!
Gimme a day with no screaming, sick, crying, whining, clinging toddler!
Gimme a stress free, fun filled day!
Gimme a day off of diabetes, with effortless, awesome bgs.

Its not though.

So I'm at work (freezing!). I'm broke (I won't even get into the "Shit on Sarah" financial week I've been having). A is still sicker then sick and INCREDIBLY whiny this morning. As noted above, I'm at work, so that whole stress free thing, ya that's not happening and I'm currently running a horrendous 214!

So I guess "Happy Birthday to Me!" and TGIF!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


There are seriously days when I wonder why I work where I work. Ok most days I wonder that, but this past week....Geez

Monday, I had the day from hell.
* A woke up sick. I drugged her and sent her off to daycare, being the caring mother that I am who is also out of paid time off. I get 2 weeks vacation and 4 personal days. I've worked here, full time, since 1999. 7.5 yrs and I still only have 2 weeks vacation!
* I realized AFTER I got to work, that my pump was just about bone dry and the bottle of insulin in my pocketbook was even drier. Driving home at lunch took my entire lunch, so I skipped lunch.
* I had the mother of headaches brewing (got another one today, I swear its this place!)
* and the piece de resistance - got to work and there Zip, zero, zilch. Somehow the utility had screwed up our gas line. It was absolutely freezing. Did we go home? NOooooooooooOOOOOOOoooo, I was handed a small, portable heater and told not to put it on high. The scary thing. NO ONE NOTICED UNTIL 9am! We froze our asses off for over an hour (technically longer since some people come in for 6am) before people began to notice that it was NOTICEABLY colder then normal.

Somehow my boss thinks its perfectly normal to see people wearing their coats, INDOORS, while working. This has been my only "real" job out of college, so I don't know. Is this normal? Every morning I come in and promptly put on my big fleece coat and wear it. ALL.DAY.LONG. It doesn't come off until its time to go home.

I'm NOT a tiny person. I've got fat on my fat, so there's plenty insulation on me. Its just constantly freezing here. We play the thermostat game. One of us bumps up the setting, then we all take bets as to when "the man" sets it back down. I've even ask him for "another coal for the fire, sir?" He laughs.

Its not funny.

2 days left of 20's

I'm turning 30. How the hell did that happen? I distinctly remember turning 18 and then turning 25, but 26, 27, 28 and 29...Where did those years go? Does 30 mean that I have to actually be an adult now, because I'm not ready to grow up. I'm still not sure what I want to be.

In all honesty, I haven't given 30 much thought. Somehow it really doesn't seem to be the big deal that some people make it out to be. I mean really, will I be all that different Friday morning, then I was Thursday night?

I'm pretty sure that we are going out to my favorite restaurant Friday night to celebrate...Zoe's Fish and Chop House...YUMMY. I've already planned my menu. Some Main crab cakes and coconut battered shrimp for starters, surf and turf (filet mignon and stuffed shrimp), salad bar and baked potato and then Chocolate Lovin Spoon Cake. drooling already. Insulin will be bolused like its going out of style, but I.Don't.Care.

Is it Friday yet?

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

How Sesame Street has touched me today

I don't think I can adequately express how much I REALLY like this song!

Let the season of sharing begin

And it has started. I foolishly thought last week that we were in the clear. It was December, by god, and she was still healthy, still disease free. I flaunted it. I tempted fate and laughed in its face. I mean really, by this time last yr, I was pretty sure the wrath of baby germs would burn our house to the ground, or at the very least open a time portal to the 3rd circle of hell.

I shouldn't have been so arrogant. Those germs, they're sneaky. They wait in hiding, until just the right moment. Apparently yesterday was a good moment. A pulled out her sexy, I just finished 6 packs of Cools mom, voice. She looked like the puppies at the Pet Store in the Mall. She was laying it on thick. She even begged for a nap at daycare.

Today, fever of 101 and I'm taking yet another unpaid day off to watch Dora - oh how I despise Dora. The last thing I want is my daughter to grow up thinking she needs help with EVERYTHING she is going to try to do.

While I have no symptoms, I must be feverish too, as I stupidly thought that I would take this opportunity, this time when A IS SICK to wash her blankie. What the hell is wrong with me? I told her the blankie needed a bath. So now not only do I have a sick child whining for her blankie, but one who is also whining for a bath of her own. Not my brightest parenting moment.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Friday, December 01, 2006


Well, I did better then I thought, but no where even close to goal.

First off, please go give Kerri huge congrats for finishing.

Me, a measly 7,843 words.

I do like my story though. Its not exactly where I started out, and quite honestly I have to go back and rewrite the first 2,000 words since they no longer make any sense with the last 5,000, but I did enjoy the experience. Its the most ambitious writing I've ever done (hey, I was an Econ major for crips-sake!). Give me numbers ANY day! LOL

The scary thing, NaNoWriMo, is that I'll be back. I WILL hit 50,000 at least once. Maybe not next year (I'm praying there will be a newborn in my arms by then), but soon.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Anyone got packing peanuts?

Found the perfect solution to all my 2 yr old troubles...................Packing up to ship to Memere


Sign, sealed, delivered! She'll be at my mom's sometime on Tuesday.

Bye Mommy!

I suppose I'll miss the smile.......................maybe..................
I'm so funny!

No Time, Must Bullet

Its been forever and a day since I last posted. Sorry for the drive-by bullet post..

  • My nephew is here!!!!!!!!! He was born on Thanksgiving day and my sister went through hell and back to have him, but he's gorgeous and they're both doing great. 8lbs 1.9oz and 22 inches.
  • A has decided to hit the "terrible 2's". I thought it was bad before. She's taken it to a whole new level. It tiring and frusterating and I hate the parent that I am most of the time. All I do is yell.
  • Cozmo's upgrade should be available soon, very soon. I'm incredibly excited! Already talked with my rep. Supposedly, instead of a download of the software, they're actually just going to send out new pumps. Might pay the $99 to upgrade to the cool new green color!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Why I shouldn't be in charge

I've discovered today that I should not be allowed to be in charge of a little person. I'll list the reasons for you.

1) I eat raw cookie dough. Wrong on too many levels to list.
2) I eat whipped cream out of the can, straight into my mouth. Very simple. Shake can, tilt head, enjoy.
3) 1 & 2 would constitute dinner if I was left to my own devices.
4) I LOVE freeze pops and still routinely enjoy them even though its below freezing out. They accompany cookie dough and whipped cream amazingly. Perfect finish to a perfect meal.
5) Neon Blue freeze pop, beige carpet. 2 yr old who has no concept of gravity or stains, spinning in a very tight circle, while her mom surfs the net, mindlessly enjoying the veggie song from Sesame Street playing in the background.

I'm now the proud owner of a nice art deco beige carpet with blue spots randomly distributed in an oval, whiplash manner.

Note to self, give the 2 yr old the light pink freeze pop. YOU eat the neon blue one.

"some plants grow above the ground, some plants grow below.....Plants can grow HIGH, Plants can grow low, some grow above the ground, some grow below...."

Monday, November 13, 2006

Flying High

I've got issues, huge issues, not seeing anything in the 100's issues (expect the quick juant to 60 and back up again this morning).

I seriously don't know what's wrong. I've been in the 200's for at least a month now. CONSTANT 200s.

I'd been riding a beautiful average of about 114 last month, now. I've changed sites, thrown out insulin, increased basal (crap if I increase them anymore, I might as well load the whole damn bottle into my Cozmo).

This is ridiculous and its

Thursday, November 09, 2006


I took my diagnosis in stride for the sake of my family, never allowing them to see me cry, even if I still wonder if it was all my fault. I had never allowed myself to fully express the anger I have about diabetes. How unfair life can be. Why I had to be the one with it. How much I hate testing, hate the days where my blood sugar is high, my mind a fog and all I want to do is go to sleep. Angry when my life is interrupted because this thing is beeping at me, telling me its time to test, time to change a battery, time to refill the insulin if I want to live for another 3 days. Angry, that I have to be attached to a machine like RoboGirl (even though I wouldn't give up my mechanical pancreas for all the Lantus in the world.)

Angry because my disease interfers not just with my life, but those around me. Times when sites have failed and I have insulin, but no needle with me and now we have to stop what we were doing and go home. Moments when my sugar plummets and locating anything with sugar is now priority #1. When my moods are dictated by what the stupid numbers on a meter say and how my mouth will lash out at those I love most when those numbers are high.

3 years ago I found a group of pregnant women with T1. I couldn't believe that there were so many people out there dealing with the same issues, same anger. I wanted to meet each and everyone (and did meet a bunch , including Kassie!) and suddenly I felt better about this disease, less alone. I could voice my anger and there were people who actually understood. People who wouldn't roll their eyes and say "your sugar must be high" when I voiced any negativity.

Then one year ago, this month, I started this blog, not knowing that there was a whole D Community out there (thanks again Kassie!). My days were suddenly filled with people who understood this whole "life". I didn't have to wait for an email to arrive. I could surf around and read and understand the daily struggles of everyone out there. Without you all, I'd still be hiding the anger of my disease, keeping it shoved beneath the surface, boiling. I'd still be alone and silently scared. I realize now, even though it truly is a small world, its nice to belong somewhere and I'm suddenly less angry.

I can live with this AND enjoy life, because you do.

I can do whatever I want, because you have.

Diabetes won't limit me, because you refuse to let it limit you.


I can be angry when I need to be, because you are always there, to listen, to understand and to let me be angry.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Writers Block

Seeing as how I've NEVER written anything as ambitious as NaNoWiMo, I think I'm in a little bit over my head.

I decided to write a "ghost story" of sorts. Basically my main character is going to start her own "ghost hunters" business assuming that its all hogwash, and a quick way to make a buck and learns that she's OH SO WRONG.....

Ok, that's all good, but I need, dear readers, your best "ghost stories" to incorporate, whether true happenings, or made-up campfire stories.

Please help! I don't know if I'll hit 50,000 words, or even be done by Nov 30th, but I'm really interested in doing this.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Tagged, like a deer....

Yikers I've been tagged by Kassie

Ok, 5 things that I haven't already blurbed about myself here.....Hmmmmmmmmmmm

1.) I HATED swimming, yet did so competitively from the time I was 5 or 6 up until my Junior Yr of High School (maybe Hate is too strong, I LOVED practicing, hated the time consuming black hole it was). Swam for my local Y for most of it (up until the end of my Freshman year). I wasn't an awesome swimmer, but held my own. The thought of quitting terrified me, though. I finally quit the local Y team so that I could play my true love, Volleyball through high school.

2.)I've never broken a bone. Not even a teeny-tiny toe. Never had stiches either.

3.)I wore a backbrace for a little over 2 yrs because of lumbardosis when I was around 10. It wrapped completely around my back and stomach and was cinched together in the back. I spent probably 3 or 4 yrs going to Shriners to be treated for it.

4)...ya, um, 4)....I need a life (or need to stop being soo honest all the time)! No....Ok, I don't sleep at night. I have no trouble falling asleep, but staying asleep. Doesn't happen. I toss and turn and toss and turn. Its gotta be genetic because my mom, dad and sister are the same way. Leads to a very grumpy me most days.

5)I NEED people to like me and avoid conflict like the plague. I'm seriously sick that way. If I know someone doesn't like me it drives me insane. Just yesterday, I had to leave negative feedback for an eBay Seller (item was COMPLETELY not as described and STUNK)....I didn't even leave negative, just neutral because he offered to take it back, but wanted ME to pay to ship it back to him (hmmmmmm, $.99 book, already spent $2.50 for him to ship it to me, another $2.50 to send it back??? I'm not the brightest bulb, but $5.00 for a $.99 refund just doesn't add up in my boook....) It kills me now that this guy is pissed at me....Like I said, I need some SERIOUS help!

I'm not sure who has/hasn't done this yet, so I guess I'll just tag:

and Andrea

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Disappearing Sarah

I've been a bad blogger, lately. My heart just isn't in it. Actually the only thing my heart has been "in" lately is the many ways I plot to single-handedly crumble the financial existence of Preferred Mutual Insurance Company (PM).

If I could hang banners from every skyscraper in the world telling people about how crappy they are I would. Its been 43 days since our house was robbed. FORTY-THREE DAYS! I'm not closer to getting my check then the day we were robbed.

The very first time I actually HEARD from someone (other then our contracted adjuster)from PM was TODAY and that was because I finally wrangled a phone number from the adjuster. PM has had our claim for 3 full weeks now with no word from them...3 weeks of me pretty much emailing the adjuster daily and hopefully 3 weeks of him trying to get a hold of PM daily. They FINALLY got back to him yesterday....Their response.."We need a new Police Report".....

YOU WHAT?????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F(&*%^%#$)$J F*^^*#(^ 3 Fucking weeks and the best you can decide is that you want another fucking police report????????? Why couldn't we decide this THE DAY THE ADJUSTER SUBMITTED IT TO YOU!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I work with customers. If I ever took a customer's information down and then promptly did NOTHING with it for over 3 weeks, then ASK FOR SOMETHING THEY'VE ALREADY GIVEN ME....I'd be fired and there'd be no way in hell we'd ever be able to sell something to that customer...Fucking ridiculous.

On a light note....

Its A's 2nd birthday today! I tried singing her Happy Birthday, but it was met with emphatic "NO 2!!! NO!".

We also took her Trick or Treating and HOLY SHIT WAS THAT FUNNY!!!! She had her little strut on (she has the cockiest little strut) and would chant "Trick a Treach" up each driveway...form her little hand into the mightiest fist and pound on each door. Then stand their mute...LOL We eventually got "Tank You" and "Bye" out of her. But just watching her walk from house to house was just.too.cute.


Friday, October 20, 2006

Freaking Out

I did it. I broke down and tested A's blood sugar for the 1st time.

I picked her up from daycare with this as the day's report:
"She drank a HUGE amount of water today. She CONSTANTLY wanted water, which of course meant she had really wet diapers. Oh ya, and she ate a TON today, she was constantly asking for food".

To a "normal" mother of my daughter this would be a GREAT day!! Holy cow, she drank AND ate in 1 day!!!! Amazing!

Me, my heart sank and fear overtook me like none I've ever had. Raced home and tested.

118. I'm still not relieved. So dear readers, on a 2 yr old, with no idea when or what she last ate, is this okay?

Monday, October 16, 2006


Guess what she figured out how to do last night?


Tuesday, October 10, 2006

A change of air

I found this over at Diabetic Princess.
Please take a look and fill out so that I'll have something mindless and fun to obsess about instead of the breakin...

Thanks :)

I'd like to get off now

I'm really getting sick of the "our house got broken into and everything was stolen" ride. Thanks, its been fun, but I need to go back to my safe, secure, still in possession of my belongings world now.

I've just emailed the adjuster to get a copy of HIS spreadsheet with the depreciation/holdback amounts they are applying to all of my possessions. I don't know why, but I'm terrified sitting here. I'm 100% expecting him to come back and say "oh, ya, that tv that you bought less then a yr ago, ya, we're gonna give you $100 for that, and oh, those 183 DVD's you had stolen, um ya, worth $0.26"

I.HATE.THIS. I hate worrying about shit that wasn't my fault. We worked HARD for our belongings and some asshole breaks a window, takes it all and WE have to worry if we'll actually be able to replace it. We have a replacement cost rider on our insurance so technically they have to give us whatever it costs to replace, but if we don't replace it, we have to take the depreciated value.

I hate the worry. The worry about what the insurance is going to say is an actual "replacement value" of our items....Worring each day as I drive home wondering "will the door be open today? Is today the day that they come back?"...WHEN THE FUCK WILL OUR WINDOW BE FIXED?!?!?!?!

DH and I have been watching "It Takes a Theif" lately...Although all we do is yell at the TV "YOUR STUFF IS COMING BACK DUMBASS!!!" and "WELL WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT LEAVING YOUR HOUSE UNLOCKED!!", but mainly "Your stuff is all coming back". Ya, ours isn't, its gone. Our house wasn't open either. All locked up. Nice and tight. I don't leave doors unlocked. EVER. If my hands on a door knob, its locking it.

I'm tired, I'm angry, and my D control has gone to the crapper.

Monday, October 02, 2006

23 Months

(so I missed 22 months, sue me!)

I can't believe in 1 month you're going to be 2!!! Where has the time gone? Where has my baby gone? I'm now the mommy of a little person with definite wants and needs, your biggest at the moment being THE DUCK.

You want THE DUCK, you need THE DUCK, your very existence depends upon THE DUCK being available at your beck and call. Daddy made the mistake of watching a Looney Tunes movie with you one day (desperation creates madness, and Daddy couldn't take another episode of Little Bear). You latched onto THE DUCK and there's been no looking back.

Each morning I hear you lovingly calling to me through the monitor.

"Ma-mmma! Ma-mmma!!...............
........I WANT DUCK!"

We've watched The Bugs Bunny Road Runner Movie so many times this past month, that I broke down and actually bought you a Thomas the Train movie (that's desperation RIGHT THERE!). Nope, still want THE DUCK.

We had bought a Looney Tunes Collection so that we could at least watch a few different Daffy Duck episodes, but ya, that 1 disk, that disk of life was stollen with everything else, and Bugs Bunny just doesn't it cut it for you!

You are also quite demanding with snacks, french fries (said with a definte chinese accent - "frewn frews")and just lately hugs. The last one melted my heart right then and there. I got you out of your crib, demanding my morning kiss, and when I went to put you onto your changing table you promptly threw the mother of all fits. It took me a little while to realize it, but you were saying "want hug". If I could have I would have given you THE DUCK, french fries and a snack right then and there!


Its amazing the way your vocabulary exploded during the last 2 months. I can understand close to 80% of what you are saying to me now. I may not get it the 1st or 2nd time, but you are persistant enough to keep saying it until I understand.

You still love, love, love the potty! But you also still do absolutely nothing on it. One day you'll get it.

Friday, September 29, 2006


Since I'm still the proud owner of nothing, and really still have nothing to say....maybe actually getting a full nights sleep (hear that SWCAL - night time is for SLEEP, NOT french fries!) will return my thoughts. Oh ya and if I could stop worrying about insurance / alarms / money that insurance may or may not give us... Anyway, I figured I could handle a meme...

1. Do you still have tonsils?

Amazingly Yes. I was threatened multiple times that I would have them removed (strep 10 times in 6 months). Turned out my dad was a symptomless carrier, one round of antibiotics on him and I was a new girl!

2. Would you bungee jump?

Not unless I was drugged, dragged, and tossed off.

3. If You Could Do Anything In The World For A Living What Would It Be?

I have no idea what, but it would be something creative that I enjoyed every second of, could do on my own schedule and allowed me to stay home with SWCA. Maybe something to do with baking.

4. How many tattoos do you have?

none....WAY too permenant for me.

5. Your favorite fictional animal?

Mickey Mouse. Was going to marry him when I was little and it wasn't a pretty sight when I was told I couldn't marry a cartoon.

6. One person that never fails to make you laugh?

My DH.

7. Do you consider yourself well organized?


8. Any Addictions?

Sugar....Scary thought, huh?

9. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news?

CNN, I guess. Internet. Don't read the paper. Too difficult to manage.

10. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus?

A carnival-- more fun, more to see/do.

11. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A pilot with the Blue Angels.

12. Best Movie You've Seen This Year?

Is it sad that I can't think of any, even though we get Blockbuster Online?

I think I saw Crash this yr. OMG, I've never had such a physical response to a movie in my life. I honestly hurt after watching it.

Guilty Pleasure Best Movie - Mr. and Mrs. Smith I don't know why, but I.LOVE.THIS.MOVIE

13.Favorite alcoholic drink

Not a big drinker. Its gotta taste like Kool-Aid for me to enjoy it.

14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

Check email while I brush my teeth.

15. Siblings?

1 sister

16. What is the best thing about your job?

getting paid on Friday.

17. Have you ever gone to therapy?

Nope, but probably should.

18. If you could have one super power what would it be?

Maybe the ability to manipulate time.

19. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?


20. Have you ever gone camping?

Not in years. We used to go every summer when I was little. Problem now is that my definition of camping (in which a bathroom is within walking distance) is FAR from DH's.

21. Gas prices! First thought?

Going down

22. Your favorite cartoon character?

Scooby Doo.

23. What was your first car?

A used 89 Chevy Cavalier.

24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?

Absolutely not.

25. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?

I guess Cosby Show.

26. Do you go to church?


27. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?

Walt Disney

28. What errand/chore do you despise?


Every last one.

29. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?

I woke before it. Like I always do.

30. Last time you puked from drinking?

Never have.

31. What is your heritage?

French, French-Canadian, Irish and English.

Mostly French/French Canadian, though.

32. Favorite flower?


33. Disney or Warner Bros?

Warner Bros. Definitely Warner Bros.

34. What is your best childhood memory?

Any memory from the lazy days at the camp, at the lake just spending the day on the water with our friends. Nights spent playing kick the bucket and walking around the lake in the dark trying to scare one another.

35. Your favorite potato chip?

Eat Smart Veggie Crisps

Hope those count

36. What is your favorite candy?

Dark Chocolate.

37. Do you burn or tan?


38. Astrological sign?


39. Do you own a gun?


40. What do you think of hot dogs?
Not my favorite.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

The Cats are all home!

I found the 3rd cat a few minutes after posting. I was sitting in the computer room and thought I kept hearing a box just barely move. I knew that all of that had been tossed, ever so gently, all over the room by "The assholes" (formerly known as robbers), so deep down I knew it wasn't the cat, but had to look anyway.

Of course he wasn't there, but as soon as I sat back down, I saw his glorious little black nose peaking out of the closet. So thankfully, even though our side door was wide open from 12pm until 4:45pm, all 3 stayed in the house! (and OK, neighbor, how the hell do you not notice THAT?!?!?)

We were able to narrow the time of the crime to 11-12pm. One neighbor saw the car on the street with a guy walking the street at 11am, and is PISSED that he didn't call the cops (he always does - we live on a dead end, so we ALL known when a car belongs here or not), and the OTHER neighbor saw it in our driveway probably between 11:30 and 12pm. No license plate numbers, just a red/maroon Olds sedan with front fender damage. SO the cops have that.

julia - I'm right up the street from the library in your town(I think you're in the same town as Deb), on one of the side streets by the river.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


We fucking got broken into today!!!!!!!! Everything's gone. Out Wide screen tv, the receiver, the dvd player, all the speakers, all our cameras, our laptop, our PHONES (who the fuck steals phones???)...Fucking EVERYTHING!!!

Worst off all we're still down a cat....MY cat :cry: :cry:

I came home and the side door was wide open. I left Ally in the car cursing that we mustn't have closed the door tight enough, but just in case. Walked in and immediately noticed that the tv was gone and lost it. I called John Hysterical, then my dad (my dad works minutes from my house), then the cops.

Oh fucking BEST thing, one neighbor watched the WHOLE DAMN THING and never called the cops!!!!!! What the fuck is that???!!!! Did you not get suspicious when EVERY piece of electronics was being unloaded from our house into a car you've never seen before??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

The broke the window in our kitchen in the back of our house to get in.

At this point I just want my cat back!

I completely lost it when we thought all 3 were gone. We found 2 of them in the house about 2 hours later, so we're hopeful the 3rd is still here just hiding really well.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

No rest for the weary

Cancel the Tylenol PM and the blow to the head.

A's sicker then a dog right now. Kind of came out of left field. She's sleeping right now, but I put her to bed with a fever of at least 103F (it was 102F and change under her arm with her squirming). She also MASSIVELY congested and when she coughs (oh thank the heavenly lord it isn't often), it seems to last for 5 mintues, sounds like she's drowning and FREAKS.THE.HELL.OUT.OF.ME.

We're giving the tylenol an hour to do its magic. If she hasn't come down to a more respectable 100F, we'll be off to Urgent Care....Or if she has another coughing attack, I'll be taking her in.

It just doesn't sound right. She doesn't really have the sniffles and all this congestion is just lodged in her chest. You can hear it in her voice and breathing...Fears of pneumonia are cursing through me at the moment. Monitor is cranked by the bed. Off to get maybe 1/2hr of sleep.

Project: Screw Sleep

Data Log - Day 7

Sleep still nowhere to be found.

Sheets covered in cat hairball - 8pm. Lying on mattress.

Out of the blue high reading 8:30pm. Bolus. Still high at 9:45pm (5 points HIGHER to be exact). Another F&^%ing bad quickset site. New site, Rage bolus and low at 12am.

Lie on couch for 2 hours. Sleep for 1.

Lie in bed for 3 hours, sleep for 15 minutes.

Getting crankier by the minute. Want out.

I'm either taking Tylenol PM tonight, or just cracking myself in the head with a sledgehammer.

Monday, September 11, 2006


I wasn't sure if I could write about today.  I wasn't even sure I wanted to.  I'm compelled though to write what I probably will never be able to say.

5 yrs ago, I was sitting at work and answered the phone.  It was my boss's sister.  She told me a small plane had hit the World Trade Center.  Then his daughter called, then my cozy, safe world came crashing down.

We had workers in and around NYC, including my boss's son.  I began the ardurous task of trying to get a hold of them.  Cell phones were pretty much useless in the Northeast, but I kept dialing and dialing.  I finally got a hold of them.  They were all together, they were safe and they were trying to get out.  The made it over the bridges, one of the last cars to leave the city.  We later learned they watched it all happen from the roof they were on.

We turned on the tiny TV that we have here and watched.  I wasn't sure what to do with myself.  Do I work, do I go home?  News came of military actions and my thoughts suddenly turned to my sister.  At the time she was living on the Air Force Academy.  I called her immediately.  Didn't care if my boss said anything about calling Colorado from work.  I NEEDED to know she was safe.  She was, but the entire base was completely locked down, her husband was on duty and she was alone and terrified.

DH called around noon because his car wouldn't start.  He worked for a 24/7 call center for TTY users and HAD to get to work.  They were understandably swamped.  I left to pick him up and drive him in.

I drove past an auto dealership with the largest American Flag I'd ever seen, billowing in the wind.  I had driven past that flag thousands of times before and never noticed it.  And suddenly it hit me, that this was real and happening HERE, not half way around the world in some country I couldn't pronounce and would never visit.  Thousands of people who had gotten up, gone to work like any other Tuesday, weren't going to come home.   And I couldn't explain why they weren't...Why this had happened...Why here.

I hadn't cried until then.  I couldn't stop after that.  I cried the whole way home and all the way back.  I pulled it together enough to go back to work, but my heart, my mind, my soul was not there and wouldn't be for weeks.

That night I had planned on staying home, but 5 minutes of CNN and I HAD to get to my parent's house.  There was talk of war and retalliation, of further attacks and I couldn't handle it.  I sat in the cellar with my dad and cried watching the coverage.

I honestly don't remember much about the days and weeks that followed.  I know I cried pretty much every night after work watching Dan Rathers, and every morning before watching CNN.  We learned that one of my closest childhood friends shouldn't be with us today.  She should've been at the bottom of one of the Towers right as the planes were hitting.  She had decided to sleep in that morning and skip a class. 

We got up early that following Sat and stood in a line that streched for blocks and bought a flag.  We prayed for the families who had lost loved ones, for their spouses and children, their mothers and fathers.

9/11 shook me to my core.  It stripped me on an innocence that I'll never get back.  It's not that I'm scared to fly or travel or live my life, but it made me realize how quickly life can be taken.  How the most mundane of days can quickly become life altering and how little control I truly have.

I often wonder if Ally will ever fully comprehend what 9/11 means.  I'm guessing not.  She will learn about it through textbooks and edited videos shown in school, but it won't have the same meaning.

Friday, September 01, 2006

In which I Bore You with a Dream Sequence

I realized as I wrote this to a friend today, that it would make a good post. Ok, a decent post...Ok, ok, I just really want to tell everyone about my dream, and since you can politely "walk away" without me knowing it, I'm posting it here.

I had the WORST nightmare last night.

By far the worst, baby
related/ something happening to Ally nightmare.

It started as one of those no matter how hard you try to hurry and get somewhere you end up further and further behind. Well we were all trying to get to work, and just couldn't seem to get there. Drove around, not getting any closer to work and ended up at my parents. John leaves for work, carrying Ally, and this being a dream, my mom and I stay home and decide to have a party. Its the middle of winter and we're having a grand ole time till John calls (late at night, maybe 11ish). I ask how Ally is and he says "What do you mean? She's with you".

I drop the phone and start running all over screaming for her with my heart in my throat. Screaming and screaming, racing through the house looking for her. Outside, screaming into the wind, in the dark. I don't know what made me look, but I went to my van (I don't even own a van) and sure enough, there's Ally (probably 6 months old), strapped into her car seat, almost frozen (DH had thought I was following them out and put her in the car - we do this every morning. We leave together and he puts her in her carseat in my car). Her face was a gray color and shiney, like it was getting frostbitten.


Hysterical screaming and crying, crying like I've never cried before.NEVER. My dad was trying to get her out of the seat, my mom screaming "Is she alive?". I grabbed her and ran inside. Thankfully John had her all wrapped up in blankets in the car, so most of her was still somewhat warm and she was still alive. My mom was warming formula for her, trying to get anything warm into her and I was just holding her, rocking and crying.

I woke up bawling and it took quite a while to stop, including 2 trips into her room to make sure she wasn't cold. I'm still shaken when I think of it.

Friday, August 25, 2006

21 Months


You turned 21 months the day Daddy and I returned from Vegas. You stayed with your precious memere and oh, ya, that guy called Pepere. Ever since that weekend, every and I mean EVERY time we get in the car, the first thing out of your mouth is "MEM-mem?, MEM-mem?". A no response only leads to you changing your intonation, as if I didn't completely understand, and "Look it lady, I was being polite before, now I WANT mem-MEM!"


Your vocab has skyrocketed. I can no longer count your new words, although there is 1 word, I wish to remove from your mouth. You've learned the F-bomb. We've been pretty good about not saying it around you, but sadly, we didn't even think about all those comedies we thought you were just ignoring. You've latched onto that word and "oh, F*&^!" just flies out willy-nilly. It isn't pretty and mem-mem wasn't impressed.

Your new found facination is with the potty now. You LOVE sitting on the potty, flushing the potty, throwing paper into the potty, calling potty ever so lovingly ever 30 seconds...What you don't do is anything on the potty. No pee-pee, no poop. You just sit "Ayy-yee on potty! Ayy-yee on potty"..."Yes, Ally's on the potty, now how about we go pee-pee"..."NOOOoooooOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOO". Right.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

MIA and WTF?

Ok, so I kindof fell off the face of the earth after last week's pre-Endo visit post.  Sorry about that.  Everything went swimmingly, I'm right on track with where I want to be and I left smiling (which I always do when I meet with her!).  As for why I went MIA.  No idea.  Haven't been very chatty-kathy lately.

For the WTF? - I love reading all the D-bloggers out that, but I've been noticing, there's an inordinately LARGE number of D bloggers within the NorthEast and more specifically right around the MA/CT/RI area.  Is D more prevalent here?  Are we just a more vocal, techie group?

Has anyone else noticed this? (and not sure what my profile says, but that area includes me).  I remember mentioning once to my Endo that I when I was dx'd I found out that there were 5 other kids with D at my high school (1 being a pretty good friend) and 1 more was dx'd a few weeks after me.  That's 7 kids out of probably 800.  Is it just me, or is that astronomically high?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Endo visit

I've got an endo visit this afternoon.  I'm both excited and scared.  Excited because I absolutely LOVE my endo!!!!!  She is amazing, caring and takes tons of time with me (most visits last well over an hour with her).

Scared because since my latest battles with the dreaded Quicksets, I've been somewhat avoiding testing.

I don't handle highs very well.  I see them as tiny examples of how I'm failing and I.HATE.FAILING. 

Didn't help that I also ran out of strips at work yesterday morning.  Didn't see that the new ones had been delivered sometime last night, so there's a huge gaping hole for the past 24 hrs.

I'm also scared because I'm not sure what's going on with my depression.  Most days I really am OK, but then something comes along and I instantly spiral downwards, and that's what scares me, how quickly I can spiral.  The current spiral is over finances, or lack thereof.  I should be proud of DH and myself,  we chopped $110/month off of our expenses, and that was without feeling any pain.  Instead, I'm stuck focusing on what an utter failure I feel like since I apparently can't balance a checkbook any better then A could.  I'm afraid that I need my happy pills again.


I'm also excited because I'm working towards getting the go ahead to start trying to conceive again - which also scares me to the bone, and does not lend well to the current finance spiral of hell ;) and I see each appt as one step closer.

I didn't have a lab slip to get another A1C drawn, so I'll have to wait on that.  Hoping that I've pulled my act together enough to see a nice shiney, low 7.  Goal is 6.5 or lower by Nov.

I've printed out my charts (all 17 pages - yes I'm a little OCD about it), I've mentally prepared myself for the scale (that's a whole other post) and I'm getting quite excited.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Quickset Help!!!

I don't know what in the hell I'm doing wrong, but I'm going through Quicksets like their ice cream melting in the sun.

Seriously, I love these sets when they work. I love that they actually stick to me without 3 IV3000's stuck all over.

Lately though....geez. On Saturday I changed my site. I was unexplainably in the 300's so figured I'd change her out a day early.

1st attempt - sticker folded up inside the serter. Looked almost as if the sticker had a larger circumfrence then the serter. Took a while, along with a few swears to get it out. Along with a little mopping of blood from the needle skipping over my skin.

2nd attempt - Same.Fucking.Thing. Clean serter with some goo be gone. Stomach now looks like I got into it with Freddy Kruger.

3rd attempt - goes in fine. Rage bolus BIG TIME. NO regard for insulin on board or correction ratios. I dial in enough to sink Titanic. 2 hours later, I've dropped a whopping 15 points. Rip site out only to realize it was a gusher. Lovely.

4th attempt - good to go. Bottom out at 2am and again at 6am. Thankfully I planned ahead and had a banana waiting by my bed.

Fast forward to today.

I put in a new site about an hour before supper. Eat 1/2 what I was planning on, but had already bolused for full amount. Sit around and wait for the inevitable low. 3 hours later and I'm still waiting (and not testing like a freakin moron). Finally test...404..What.the.fuck! Pull site out and put new one in. Rage bolus with a vegence. 5 units in and I've got a blockage. Another gusher. Fan-fucking-tastic.

I've gone back to my softsets and again look like an IV patient gone mad with IV3000's. I'm too angry to try another quickset at the moment.

So....What am I doing wrong?!!!!!

One Happy Kid


Happy kid, small kid. Outfit she is wearing is 3-6 months. As of last Thursday she officially weighed 22lbs 1 oz (and yes, ounces still count!). She's on the 10% curve (YAY ALLY!), and 33.5 inches - 75% (boo on that one as it puts her weight to length off the curve at 1.5%).

We saw the GI last week. Thankfully her celiac panel came back normal this time. Unfortunately the GI told me it was her tTG test which had initially came back high. All this time I had been researching Anti - IgG (what he had told DH). So what does this mean? I have no clue.

The Anti-IgG is pretty specific to a gluten problem, but not so specific to celiac. The tTG, though, that's pretty darn specific to celiac, but from my research there's a pretty big debate as to its reliability in children under 2 (lots of false negatives).

So where does that leave us? Well the GI doesn't want to put her through an endoscopy right now. He figured that based off of the most recent tests he wouldn't even suspect celiac (A has no "outward" signs of the disease, she's just small). We're in a holding pattern. We continue to see the nutritionist and go back in 4 months.

The nutritionist is helpful, but honestly I could put a chocolate frosted, sugar bomb, gold encrusted unicorn in front of A and she'll either eat it, or the napkin sitting next to it. Seriously the kid eats what and when she wants and ain't no'body gonna tell her otherwise. We did find the wonder of strawberry milk this week. Previously A shunned milk of all colors and flavors, but lately, well she's taking a hankering to strawberry milk. Not a normal 2 yr old hankering for it (a GREAT day is still only about 8 oz), but compare that to her normal 1-2oz and heck that's a (1 carry the 2, divide by 3)...That's A LOT more. WAY BETTER.


Definitely an interesting story.

The debate of crying it out with your baby is slowly starting to brew on one of my Yahoo Groups and this recent story was posted.

If you read the article closely, most of these Drs. are talking about parents who try to "schedule" a young baby (under 6 months, but often even under 3 months) by using CIO. That's ridiculous and I personally consider those parent's insane, or at the very least lacking in parental "intelligence" (this statement coming from a certified conflict-a-phobe!). There is NO reason in my book to allow a child less than 3 months of age to CIO for "scheduling" purposes for any length of time. Babies create their own unique schedule and being a parent means adapting to that schedule.

I can't even count the number of times on different boards, I would read about a parent letting a child cry to the point that the child vomited or was going on 3 hours of all out, hyperventilating screaming in the belief that they were letting him CIO. WAIT, WHAT? Vomited??!! Um, hello! WAY past CIO, you're into abuse there, in my book! Or parent's of 6 week olds asking if it was time to CIO because their child still woke 2x a night. It’s these parents (and wacked out authors who promote scheduling very young children) that have changed the definition of CIO to these all or nothing terms.

I wonder how a person can be so insecure of their parenting that they
grasp onto CIO concepts such as these so blindly that they can't trust their own instincts. It’s these morons that give CIO such a horrible association. Parenting is all about common sense...People need to get some and use it!

I know plenty of people that would argue saying they followed this book or that book successfully, but almost always you'll hear "but I did this or that different because little Johnny needed or has x,y, &z"  THEN you didn't really follow this book or that!  You created a plan with aspects of a certain book, but USED COMMON PARENTING SENSE to direct you and your child (I still say your insane though if you let a very small child cry from hunger).  The problem is with those parents who apparently lack common sense.

My Ped recommends CIO, but only with certain parents. She has to feel out the "parenting level" of her patients, almost the parenting "intelligence".

She advocated CIO with us, only because she knew:
1.) Ally was 8 months old. She wasn't a 3 week old baby that we were CIO with because we wanted her on some pre-determined feeding or bizarre eat, play, sleep schedule. We just wanted A to go to sleep (at night) when we put her in her crib, knowing that she was clean, full, and TIRED.
2.) We wouldn't put Ally in a room, shut the door, walk away and that's it, never to walk in again until the morning (taking CIO absolutely literally).
3.) We were going to CIO using common sense, OUR OWN common sense. We weren’t following a book with rules that told us exactly what we had to do with no regard to our child’s temperament or personal schedule.
3.) We had lived through COLIC in which, to a degree allowing your child to cry, unattended is absolutely necessary to keep a parent sane and "in control". It is also the most difficult thing you can possibly do. Maybe that gave us another layer of understanding of both A's cries and the true heartbreak of listening to a child cry and not responding. +++ I do not define a parent who is at the end of their rope and NEEDS to put a crying child in a safe location and walk away for the child's safety, as letting a child Crying It Out +++

Like I said, when Ally was about 8 months old, DH and I decided to give CIO a try. At this point A had decided "bedtime,shmedtime, it was PARTY TIME!!" DH and I would stand outside her door, and listen to her cries. There was a definite difference between "GET BACK IN HERE MOM, THIS ISN'T GOING TO WORK" and "I really think I need to whine and cry a little to settle down and heck, maybe as a bonus they'll come get me". We responded immediately to the 1st, and more slowly to the 2nd. I can't comprehend how someone would willingly listen to the 1st and not respond immediately (or by 8 months not be able to tell the difference between the 2).

I really don’t know where I stand on CIO. Have I used it? Yes. Was it successful? Yes. Did I use it blindly following some authors book with clear cut rules and time schedules? NO.

I used CIO, but with common sense, a clear understanding of my child, and only when age and situation appropriate. Would I recommend CIO? Probably not. If a parent needs my opinion on the subject to decide whether or not to CIO, then they probably shouldn’t.

So why did I write all this? I don’t know.  I feel very strongly that CIO has its place, mainly for parents using common sense on when, why and how to use CIO.  But also that apparently, in this day and age, CIO is used for all the wrong reasons.

Friday, August 04, 2006

But I can see it from here.....

So Sat night we decided to go see the Freemont Experience in Old Vegas. We didn't make it down there the last time we had gone (wonder if my crying had anything to do with that?)...

Anyway, getting anywhere in Vegas is not exactly easy. Even going from hotel to hotel requires that one lace up their most comfortable pair of walking shoes, cause its a haul. In order to get to Freemont Street we had to:
1) Take the monorail or walk to the Excalibur
2) Take skywalk across to Tropicana
3) Take skywalk across to MGM Grand
4) Go through entire MGM Grand to the main monorail which runs behind the hotels
5) Take main monorail to the end (northbound to Saraha)
6) Walk through entire Sahara to get back out onto the Strip
7) Catch a bus to Freemont Street

Now, yes, I know we could've just taken a taxi, BUT there were 8 of us and DH and I were on an amazingly TIGHT budget of only $200 CASH. So this was the cheapest/quickest route there. (Also could've caught a bus from our hotel, but we'd still be sitting on that bus right now trying to make our way down the Strip).

Freemont Experience is amazing. And I love that there's so much, packed so close together in Old Vegas. Feels more like what I had initally thought Vegas was like - my vision was so very, very different then its reality - I was blown away that the strip is almost like the world's slowest 4-lane highway. I don't know what I thought, but it didn't involve tons and tons of cars driving between the hotels.

So anyway, we had a great time. Time to head back. We get the bus. Get near the Sahara stop and decide that we'll just ride the bus all the way back to the hotel. Traffic doesn't seem that bad...Famous last words. 45 minutes later and we're 2 hotels further down the strip.

Now we start the "What do you want to do?" game. You know "What do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you want to do?". We decide to get off the bus. We're in between Treasure Island and Mirage.
"Oh, Look! I can see Mandalay Bay from here. Let's just walk"...
I knew this was a bad idea. Every cell in my body was screaming "No, No!! Get back on the bus! NOooooooOOOooooOOOOOO".

So we start walking, and walking and walking and walking....I don't know how far we actually walked, web claims the distance from Mirage to Luxor is a scant 1.6 miles "as the crow flies", but we sure as hell walked MORE then that. By the time we made it back to the Luxor, my jeans were soaking wet and stuck to me, I had no skin left on my ankle from my new sneakers rubbing and I was very, very close to tears again.

We were suppose to travel the Strip on Sunday, taking in the different hotels. We didn't.....

Thursday, August 03, 2006

And We're Back!

Well this trip went MUCH better then the last one (July 2004 when I was 7+ months pregnant)! Vegas is a totally different beast when you're pregnant. I wanted to run to each pregnant woman I saw there and beg that she just turn around and go home. Its not worth it!

Needless to say there were no tears on the Strip this time. Close, but none. Trip started off very rocky though. Apparently US Airways really wanted to see if they could make me cry.

We left the house at the ungodly hour of 3:30am (Anxeity level : Low). Dropped the car off and got to the airport for roughly 5am (Anxeity level : Medium). Flight left at 6:10am. Not bad., but wait..Why do our tickets say Pittsburg, we're suppose to be going to Philly. Oh well (Anxeity level : Medium-High) 6:05am rolls around and they still haven't started to board our flight. There's not even an agent at the counter of our gate. (Anxeity level : High). Suddenly - "Attention all passangers on flight 8473 to Pittsburg. There is a dead battery on the plane. We will have to rebook all of your flights" (Anxeity level: THROUGH.THE.ROOF)

Thankfully, she called the passengers with a final destination of Vegas to come up first. According to DH, I shot up there and those in my path were in imminent danger of getting bowled over. I got there first. Of course there was only one other group going on to Vegas, a family of 4 or so...

The agent starts: "well, I can get you on a flight to Charlotte that leaves at 11am" (great, that leaves another 5 hours to entertain ourself at the airport)
"then you'll leave Charlotte at 6pm, getting into Vegas at 7:58pm"
(WAIT!!! did she just say 7PM??? We were originally suppose to get there at 10AM...One whole day, fucking GONE - remain calm Sarah, in through the nose, out through the mouth, don't cry)
( Oh, GOD YES, please give us an OR)
"I can get you into Charlotte for 1pm with an arrival in Vegas at 10pm"
(How the fuck is THAT better??!!)
Me: "Um, we were suppose to get into Vegas at 10 - AM, so the earliest you can get us there would be the best" (annoyed beyond hell that I actually have to say that, but I was still very polite about it) Turn to DH "Thank god we didn't buy tickets for a show tonight!"
"Oh! Charlotte!"
( Yes, Charlotte! I don't even know what that means, but that OH was a pleasantly surprised sounding OH, so yes, please, lets do that!)
"Here are you're tickets, sorry for the delay"

We walk away, trying our hardest to figure out what we're gonna do with ourselves in the tiny gate for the next 6 hours, when DH looks down. "Wait, these tickets say we leave for Charlotte at 6:40am, then leave immediately from there for Vegas. We get into Vegas at 11am" HOLY SHIT! I LOVE that ticket agent!!!!! (Anxeity Level: below radar) I grab the tickets..."Um, honey...Um, we're flying to Charlotte 1st CLASS!!!!!!!!"

I admit it. I had the biggest, shit-ass grin on my face, sitting there in 1st class as all the peons boarded the plane heading to their tiny-ass seats in coach. DH kept reminding me that WE are one of those peons and would be heading back there very soon. Oh well...It was FUN!

Part 2 - But, I can see it from here.... coming soon.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Vegas Baby!

So we're heading off to Vegas for 4 days on Saturday. I've been once before, summer of 2004. It wasn't pretty. I was gianormous pregnant and it was 114°. I cried, twice. Once outside the Venetian, once inside the MGM Grand (where I also proclaimed loudly "I HATE this place").

I'm hoping for a better time this time. BIL and SIL are going to renew their wedding vows (this was suppose to be their wedding). This is the couple that had to do the quicky, lunchtime wedding . It should be nice.

We're staying at the Luxor. Hoping to spend most of our time site seeing and at the pool (if anything, I'm a penny slot kindof gal, as in 1 penny at a time....So not a big roller!).

Not knowing a whole bunch about Vegas, I'm looking to you all to point me the direction of some great free/low cost sites and activities!!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

"Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop."

I did just that. In 2003, I ramped up my D care in preparation for my pregnancy with A. I started testing close to 20x a day. Alarms going off every hour or 2 reminding me to test. Meticulous carb counting, complex excel charts, weekly endo emails. No winging it, no guesstimates. I was going to be between 80 and 120 if it killed me. It was intense to say the least and it lasted for almost 18 months (9 months pre-pregnancy, 9 months pregnant). And then I came to the end (the second end - don't even ask about the 1st end - failed induction, OB sending me home from the hospital, telling me we'll try again in a week. "Try again....IN A WEEK!!!!" GOING BACK TO WORK AFTER STARTING MY MATERNITY LEAVE - no I'm not bitter.....)

Anyway, so I came to the end. A was born by scehduled C-section on Nov 2 and I stopped. I stopped testing, I stopped carb counting, I started guestimated EVERYTHING, and it showed. A1c went from 5's where I had been through most of my preg to over 8.

I'm back at the beginning again. Alarms have all been reprogrammed. Fingers look like little minefields. I've got a new, shiney excel sheet (thank you Kevin!) and I'm falling back into my regime, almost as if I had never left.

I spent Friday emailing my endo and we've laid out a plan.

Everything's falling into place. I just hope that when I come the the end this time, I don't stop.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Unwanted Guests

We have unwanted, invisible, guests at our house. I sure didn't invite them in. I checked with DH and he sure as hell didn't invite them in, either. That leaves 1.) the cats, who with the recent heat, don't have the strength or motivation to move, never mind invite guests over or 2.) A, our full-fledged "terrible two-er". We're leaning towards A.

A LOVES our new guests, Mrs. "No" and Mr. "Go Away", infact she calls for them MULTIPLE times a day, far surpassing all other names she knows. Mrs. "No" is a near and dear friend and apparently she has gone missing. A calls for Mrs. "No" at least a squabillion times a day, maybe even squabillion +1. There is no other explanation, as my sweet, loving, COMPLIANT daughter could not possibly be sayng "no" to me.

Mr. "Go Away", now he must know the secret location of Mrs. "No", as A talks to him much less. Usually he just gets squeezed between her plaintive cries for Mrs. "No".

DH and I have reserved plane tickets for Mrs. "Yes" and Mr. "Right away, oh loving parents". Such a nice couple. We're hopeful that A will take a liking to them, too.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Spring Cleaning

Better late then never, right??

Our house is a mess. More then a mess, its a disaster, a bio-hazard zone. Seriously if I ever walked into someone's house that looked like ours, I'd gag. And I LIVE IN THIS EVERYDAY!

I had grand hopes for my vacation. I was going to scrub the house from top to bottom. The place was going to sparkle like the Hope diamond. What really happened...I started with the windows. They needed to be introduced to Windex. I'm not sure if they had ever previously met or not, I'm guessing no. Things were going well. I had a small army of dirty papertowels littering the kitchen floor, beautiful sunshine actually dancing in my kitchen...Then I.Broke.A.Freakin.Window!!! End of cleaning, thank's folks, show's all done, might as well go home cause the curtains are closing. I tipped the window in to clean the outside and the whole thing fell out. I tried shoving it back in, but somehow the tracks it rides on got all squirrely. One was a good 3 or 4 inches higher then the other. Some swearing and jamming on my part and the window was back in, albeiet functionless. Wouldn't move up, wouldn't move down, perpectually stuck 2 inches open. Dad had to come fix it.

What does this have to do with anything....

Well, I've realized a few things:

1). The state of the house is having a DIRECT effect on my depression, as in its directing my mood right down the crapper (which by the way, surprisingly is probably the only clean thing in the house).

2) Its also having a direct effect on our finances. We eat out WAY too much. Why do we eat out? Because the kitchen is such a cluttered mess that I get too depressed to even think about cooking in there. I see it and instantly give up. Why cook? I'd have to clean before I even started, then just have to clean again afterwards.

3). Its affecting my relationship with DH and A. I'm depressed and moody and I don't like being depressed and moody. When I am, I just want to withdraw from everyone, have them all leave me alone. Doesn't put me in a nice nuturing place.

So I've made myself a plan. 4 bursts of 15minutes. One before work, one before I start supper, after supper and before bed. 15 minutes and only 15 minutes. I can do 15 minutes. I'm starting with a trash bag and a "fling it" attitude. I'm good at flinging things, maybe too good, but it needs to happen. We've got too much shit and the shit is KILLING me.

I've been reading up on decluttering (I'll admit, I'm a lost fly-baby) and this caught my attention: (Copied from Ariane Benefit, Neat Living

Here are 10 ways excessive clutter can affect you and your life:

1. Family

* Clutter causes irritability, resentment and stress that leads to temper tantrums, outbursts, and overall disharmony (especially, if people are having to deal with "other people's clutter". You may start to feel like you aren't a good parent or aren't a good example for your kids
* Excessive clutter can cause depression, acting out, bad behavior in children due to their inability to focus caused by the clutter

2. Relationships

* Causes conflicts often due to chronic lateness
* Can keep you from socializing because you don't have the energy or can't find clothes to go out. Keeps you from getting close to people because you don't entertain or want to have people visit you in your home

3. Loss of Self-Esteem

* Causes you to feel like you aren't capable or are missing some basic skill that everyone else "seems" to have so you feel bad about yourself - the truth is you are not alone, many people have issues dealing with clutter

4. Emotionally

* Excessive clutter often cause feelings of shame, guilt, anger and embarrassment that holds you back.
* Clutter drains your energy - and you don't realize it till it's gone. Every item in your home has an energy to it. When items go a long time unused, unloved and uncared for, they become stuck, stagnant energy that actually physically drains you of your energy.

5. Physical Health & Stress

* The stress caused by clutter is enormous. Every time you can't find something, or an argument flares up with a loved one, or you can't relax because you worry about all the things you need to do, but can't till you get the clutter cleared, your stress levels increase. Stress in turn, lowers your immunity and resistance and so you may have frequent, persistent colds.
* Clutter can make it more difficult to eat healthy, cause headaches, fatigue, sinus problems and allergies and more.

6. Mental Health

* Clutter decreases your ability to enjoy life. It causes stress, confusion, inability to focus, and often leads to depression. Sometimes clutter is initially caused by depression, but clutter also makes it nearly impossible to recover from depression. In my experience, once people start releasing their clutter, their energy comes back and the depression gets better, sometimes it goes away for good. Some people are extremely sensitive to their environments and just never realized what a difference it could make.
* Even in people who don't have ADD, clutter causes ADD like symptoms.

7. Safety & Hygiene

* In extreme clutter, people have a hard time walking without tripping or bumping into things. Often there are things hidden in the clutter that are very unsafe for children. I've seen some cases where a young child is pretty much confined to a playpen all the time because it just isn't safe to be out of the playpen.
* Inability to clean cluttered areas can lead to extreme dust and even mold and mildew that exacerbates and even causes health problems in yourself and your children

8. Time

* Simply having too much stuff eats up your time like crazy. Every thing you own requires some amount of care and organization. If you have too much stuff, it's much more difficult, time consuming, and expensive to get organized.
* Having too much stuff often leads to procrastination and lateness which wastes your and other people's time and causes a whole host of other problems.
* Not being able to find things is a huge time cost of clutter. For some people it wastes several hours every day.

9. Your Future

* Holding on to clutter often grounds you in the past at the cost of your present life and your future.
* Clutter distracts you from being able to think about your goals, projects, hobbies and get things done

10. Financial

* Things have to have homes. Whether the home you provide for things is an extra room, a piece of furniture, or a container, you continue to pay for things long after you initially acquire them. Clutter directly costs money in the following ways:
o Late fees for bills paid late
o Credit card debt - often for unused stuff
o Duplicates purchased because you can't find things
o Some people move to larger home to accomodate the stuff
o Renting storage facilities

* Clutter drains your energy - and you don't realize it till it's gone. Every item in your home has an energy to it. When items go a long time unused, unloved and uncared for, they become stuck, stagnant energy that actually physically drains you of your energy. This one speaks to me the most. I think it will be my mantra for now.

Wish me luck, dear friends, cause I'm going in and I'm not coming out till its done!

Posted by floreksa to floreksa_general at 7/17/2006 11:48:04 AM

Friday, July 14, 2006

I must be insane

I've decided that I'm ready for #2. Yup, just this morning, no input from DH (oh, hey, if you're reading honey, "I'm ready for #2"!).

So you say (as long as your not my DH, who's probably saying something more along the lines of "huh?, who?, what? HUH?")..."Hey Sarah, that's great!, So your bgs must be running great, you've gotten back down to your old pre-preg weight?" and there-in lies the problem...That would be big, fat, honkin NO and NO.

This presents a problem, cause I'm talking, I'm ready NOW, not 6 months from now, but now, as in N-O-W, NOW!

I had wanted A and mystery child #2 to be about 18 months apart. That plan was blown out of the water by a nasty little thing known as PPD. I'm better now, though and either high on life, or brain-damaged enough to want to risk going through that again.

That and colic. There's a part of my brain that remembers colic, remembers it being horrible, wanting to run, screaming from the house each night as the clock struck 5pm. There's the rest of my brain, though, that looks at all the little clothes, the baby shows, the way newborns look like turkeys with their legs perpetually tucked under them and I AM SO READY FOR A TURKEY again!

Sunday, July 09, 2006

BTDT lesson of the day.....

Don't take a 20 month old to the Drive-In. Its not pretty.

It actually wasn't that bad, although DH would probably differ with me on that one. We took her, because 1) We wouldn't be getting home until probably around 1am, 2) we couldn't get anyone to watch her till 1am and 3) We figured she'd sleep the entire time.

So we were very, very wrong on #3. Got into Northfield about 7:30pm - A's bedtime(1st movie Cars was suppose to start at 8:35 pm) and promptly stopped in the longest line of cars I've ever seen. I was concerned before we left that we wouldn't be able to get in, but when I saw that line, hopes GONE. 4 trips into the backseat to retrieve a lost pacifier (finally found in.her.lap) and 1 hour, 25 minutes later we find ourselves 6 cars from the entrance...That's when the cop showed up, pulled in, pulled out, drove a few cars past us and proceeded to loud-speaker to the traffic jam that the Drive-In was at capacity. Thankfully, we were lucky enough to get in, along with about 5 or 10 cars behind us. Got a wonderful backrow parking space with a very odd angle, but could see the screen so all wasn't lost.

Unfortunately, plan A of our trip was already out the window, A was WIDE AWAKE!! Out of her car seat and into the front with me. That's when I noticed it was 9pm and the 1st movie STILL hadn't started. I started appeasing my 20 month old with Doritos and Crystal Light (hey, its a special occasion, right?). I'm getting worried though. Cars - approx 2 hours, Pirates of the Carribean - approx 2 hours....9:15pm plus 2 hours, plus 2 hours, plus at least another hour home = WAAAYY past my bedtime. It was also at this point, that A decided she wanted some of my lemonade and grabs it while I was drinking. I'm now DRENCHED in sticky lemonade and the movie hasn't even started. Wonder-f'in-tastic!

Cars starts, A is completely oblivious to it, although is finding great amusment in playing with the volume control in the car. Fine, whatever, she's quiet. 10pm rolls around. She.Needs.To.Go.To.Sleep, but yes, we've lost the pacifier again, and sleep does not happen without it. Another 30 minute search of the car, at least not in traffic, but now in the dark....FOUND IT! In the dorito bag, of course. Strap her in her seat, plug her, hand her every imaginable blanket and she's finally out like a light. Finish watching cars, everything is great.

Onto movie #2 Pirates....A wakes up approx 2 seconds into it. Replug her, tell her its "Nite-nites" and she's falls back asleep. Awake again 10 minutes later, replug, back asleep (repeat 3 or 4 times). She finally wakes, tosses her pacifier and cries. Another 15 minute search of the car, in the dark (how can 1 stupid little thing disappear so quickly, and note to self STASH 100 pacifiers in the car!). Repluging doesn't help, we've missed so much of the movie we're completely lost, and the movie itself really doesn't seem that good, not as light-hearted, much, much darker.

It's 1am, the movie is only 1/2 over, and we're still an hour from home. We throw in the towel. Get home at 2am. We'll catch the rest, on video, in our house, where A's crib is, and the world's largest supply of pacifiers.

Friday, July 07, 2006

20 Months Old

20 months!! 20 Months!!! Where has the time gone? That's ALL of your fingers AND your toes. You can't be 20 months...Mommy's not ready.

Ally Swimming

And horror of all horrors, on the day you turned 20 months no less, you learned the dreaded word. The word mommy and daddy prayed you wouldn't learn (well at least until you turned 35 and started dating). You said "No"! And "No!" with flair. You mastered the toddler fleeing in anger, "NoOOOOoooooooOOOOOoooooOOOo!" trailing in the wind. You said it 4 times that day.

You also say "buy u", which took me until yesterday to realize that you were saying "Love you!" (as you can hear).

Mommy's on vacation with you this week and IS NOT HAPPY that she's gotta go back to work. Wonder if I can win the lottery without actually playing the lottery. You're just too cute to leave.

I'm all wet

You're stringing 2 words together right now, and let me tell you, Daddy LOVED it when you said "bye dada" last night. You also said "ankin uh-oh" yesterday after Franklin said it on TV. Mommy takes back her hatred of Franklin too. He's growing on me, and you apparently LOVE him. Just please don't decide to fall in love with Oobie. I will have to destroy Daddy's tv if that happens.

I watched your birthday video this morning and cried my eyes out. I can't believe its been almost 2 years now. You've changed sooo much, yet so many of your faces have remained the same since birth.

Fun in the sun

I love you sooooo much!!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Extended Test

Well I did a 2.5hr extended (not combo) bolus at lunch.

Lunch - 192
2 hrs - 91
4 hours - 141.....better.

Guess we'll just keep playing. On deck for tomorrow at breakfast:

Combo bolus - 35% upfront, rest spread over 3 hrs.

Combination, Extended, Regular - OH MY!


I'm still trying to get a hang of bolusing with Symlin. I can't do a regular bolus, or I crash and burn minutes after eating. So right now, I'm experimenting with combo/extended boluses. This morning I thought I had it figured beautifully. Had a D&D bagel with cream cheese. Bolused for 80 grams, 45% upfront, rest spread over 2:15minutes.

Ate at 8am - bg 116
2 hours late - bg 89 (SWEET)
2 hours after that (pre-lunch) - bg 192 - WHAT THE F!!!! Nothing to eat, only had black coffe to drink - iced medium, which took me the entire 4 hours to drink.

And one stupid little test has sent my mood into the shitter. I hate this! There's no reason for 192...None! Site's new, insulin is fresh...Only thing I can think of is I went lower (without symptoms) and am now paying for my perfectly healthy, overly compensating liver dump of glucose.


Soooo, now what? Do I assume that I'm acutally getting the combo bolus somewhat figured out with the Symlin, that the 192 is a fluke (I've experienced similar highs 4 hours post meal after Symlin). Do I extend the rest even further?

For lunch, I skipped the combo, went straight for an extended over 4 hours. We'll see.

Oh, and for you Cozmo users - Is there a way in the history to see the details of a Combo/Extended bolus. I see in the history my bolus, but not the % now/later/time.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Word Verification

Am I the only one who would seriously flunk life, if it was based on the ability to type in the word verification correctly? If I had to grade myself, I'd be probably at 60%. Its ridiculous!

Monday, June 19, 2006

Anniversary Meme

Stolen from Kassie

For me it will be 13 years in September and is not at all as impressive as hers!

1.) Meet the man of my dreams 8 months after diagnosis and didn't scare him away with my D!
2.) Stood up to the High School nurse who INSISTED that I could not possibly walk the halls of high school with needles and insulin on me, despite that fact that she was NEVER around at lunch for my test/shot.
3.) Attend a band trip to Disney World, less then 8 months after dx, without my parents for over a week and didn't freak any teachers or friends out.
4.) Continued swimming competitively until I dislocated my knee at the beginning of my senior yr season.
5.) Attended MA Girl's State, a 1 week "prestige" (ha! I H-A-T-E-D it!) stay at Mount Holyoke College to High School girls who are, I guess, Civic Leaders....less then a yr after dx.
6.) Graduated High School 3rd in my class.
7.)Graduated UMASS-Amherst with an Econ degree while working at least 2 jobs (for a couple weeks, I actually juggled 4 jobs at once!).
8.) Got my current job being naive and honest about my diabetes during the interview.
9.) Bought my house and my 1st pump at the same time and moved into said house the same week as my pump training!
10.) Got married to that wonderful man who wasn't scared off by my D :) - only took us 8 yrs.
11.) Got pregnant
12.) Went on vacation while pregnant and then switched pumps.
13.) Had a wonderfully, amazing little girl and am ready for the next!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Now if I only liked MLT's

Miracle Max

Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

Ranty Kindof Day

Ok, no idea why I'm thinking of this, but I HATE, H.A.T.E. the stupid Foxwood's Casino commericals. I hate the jingle, I hate how clean and SMOKE FREE the place looks. What a freaking crock. Even the smoke free area, tucked away in a back corner in a janitor's closet is full of people smoking and THEY DO NOTHING ABOUT IT!! And lets talk about the people in the commerical. All young and pretty and dressed to the hilt. HA! Let's get real here.

Don't get me started on the United Bank "Personal Banker" commericals either. If that annoying lady says one more time "A Personal Banker means just that, we Personalize your banking experience" I will in fact be forced to drive to all of the United Banks, find her and throttle her. Wait, WHAT? Did you just define a phrase using the 2 damn words IN the phrase? In what holy world is that ok? We couldn't waste another 20 seconds of film, hand the moronic lady (a lady who is moronic) a damn dictionary and tell her to try again?


Some Days I Wonder.....

So I've got the mother of all headaches right now. One of those "my head is going to split open and unleash demons upon the earth" kinds. So I pop some Excedrin Migrain and decide to buy myself a coffee on the way to work for that extra caffeine kick.

Go in.

"I'll have a large, iced carmel, cream only - dark."

"What size?" (as if all I had said was "coffee, me"


"Cream or sugar" (ok, WTF, am I talking to myself??!!)

"Cream - dark" (irritation creaping into my voice)

What did I get? A large, REGULAR iced coffee, so freaking light I don't even think you can call it coffee. I think she waved the coffee over the top of the cup.

Its gonna be a BAAAA-aaad day.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Just trying to stay dry......

spider 002, originally uploaded by floreksa.


Co-Worker went to open an umbrella to go to our other building. My sister (sits at the front desk), saw it immediately and ran for her life. Co-Worker wasn't too fond of it either.

19 Months

Mommy's late again, but I have my reasons.

You turned 19 months on Friday. You still constantly amaze me. On Thursday while I was sitting in the livingroom, you suddenly disappeared and got real quiet. I found you in the kitchen looking like Big Lou behind the bar, ready to start happy hour.

You had pulled out one of the chairs at the table, grabbed a bottle of water and a plastic cup and you were as content as a clam pouring yourself shots of water and gulping them down. I would've grabbed the camera if I wasn't hyperventalating over you being so grown up!
Big Girl

Then of course, there's your recent addiction to FlavorIce. Not that I can blame you, I'm a bit of a FlavorIce connieseur too. You are very adament, though that you have you very own. No sharing for you! No, no, no!!

You can now say your name "A-yee", Auntie "Ah-eee", Jeff "Jefffffffffs", Nicky "Ne-ee", ball "ballll" and so many others. You try to sing your ABC's "e,e,e,e,e" and Baa-Baa, Black Sheep "Baa, baa, baa, baa, baa,baa, yesch, yesch, yesch"...

Your hair...Can we talk about your hair?
Holy Hair!
It is soo funny. It will start the day out a frizzy, rats nest of a doo, but with the humidity lately, it ends up in the worlds most perfect head of ringlets.

I saw a picture of your daddy this weekend when he was probably 3 yrs old. YOU ARE ALL HIM!! There is not 1 piece of mommy in you. If I didn't have the scar proving..... It was amazing. I was missing you so much while I was in VT and then there was this picture. If it wasn't for the 1970's fading and boys cloths, I would've bet hard earned money that that was you in the picture. I NEED a copy of that picture.

Each month I wonder how you could possibly get any cuter, or how I could possibly love you any more then I already do. This month was no different. I don't know if I could pick a favorite age. Right now though, is definitely one of the best!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Time heals what reason cannot.

First off, sorry for going so long between posts. My heart just hasn't been in it.

DH's cousin died during the early morning hours of June 1st. She was only 35. We traveled to Northern VT this weekend for the services. She was so young and she had 3 kids (16, 14, and 7) that she was raising alone. Those poor kids are all up in the air right now. The youngest 2's father has taken them all in and is in the process of becoming the oldest's legal guardian.

Its been a long weekend. Didn't help that by Sunday I was missing Ally A LOT. By Monday, I was literally frantic wanting to get back home to her. Of course then I felt overwhelming guilt that here I was wanting to leave family that had lost their daughter/mother/sister because I couldn't go 48 hours without seeing mine.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

It's ONLY Tuesday???!!

So I don't know what was up with me yesterday, but I was in the most pissed off, rip-roaring HORRIBLE mood. I was tired, I was cranky, I hated the world.

It wasn't pretty, and I started wondering if I really was over my PPD. I had stopped taking my "happy pills" (Lexapro) back in March. I've been well since then, until yesterday.

It was all day that I was bad. Started with me coming very, very close to hysterical crying watching footage of that poor race horse. Then I was soo apathetic all day at work.

Last night was the winner though. Got home and had no desire to cook the chicken breasts we had taken out for supper. I wanted ANYTHING but chicken breast, or more matter of fact, I wanted anything I didn't have to cook. So what did I do, sat on the couch and waited for DH to get home, then proceed to pout and be bitchy.

I decided that a DQ Brownie Blast an apple, would help my mood. Went and looked online, 600 calories in a small DQ Brownie Blast an apple!!!!! Are you shitting me? F' it! I don't care, I need chocolate an apple. SWCAL and I split 1/2 a small. The rest is waiting in the freezer.

And yes, I felt better afterwards.

Today, I'm feeling better. So much so, I'm setting my Lary Bird goal. Tonight, I've got a hot date with a cool treadmill.

Monday, May 22, 2006

How quickly things change

Yesterday started out like any other Sunday. Actually better then most Sundays. I got up, got SWCAL up and dressed and headed to my moms. She was making crepes and then my mom, my sister, SWCAL and I were going to head off to our camp to clean it and get it all set for the long weekend.

We had just finished breakfast and were loading the truck with the freshly laundered linens when I heard the stupid Cozmo jingle. It had been doing that recently. Playing the jingle "dun,dun,dun, dunde, dun dun" for no apparent reason. No codes on the screen, no visible sign of anything wrong.

Next thing I know, I've got the most blood curling, annoying alarm going off on my pump, and a screen that just says "Call for Service". Usher SWCAL out of the room I'm in, shut the door and let the profanity fly. It was amazing how quickly my mood went from light and cheery, D being the last thing on my mind, to full fledged pissed off. Pissed off at D, pissed off that I may not be able to go with them to the camp. Pissed off that I have to rely on some stupid machine just to LIVE. I went to a very bad, very dark, D place quickly and the speed at which I got there scared me.

Better get on the phone with Deltec (at this point the screen was blank, but alarm still piercing away). "Oh, great, Sure I'll wait for a clinician to call me back...", more swearing. Give the answering service my mom's number and my cell phone since I've decided that I don't care if I'm half dead and at 600 this afternoon, I'm GOING WITH THEM GOD DAMMIT!! THIS DISEASE IS NOT HOLDING ME BACK AGAIN!

Slowly, though, I start thinking rationally....WAIT!! I've got that cool, new aDorn pocketbook. I've got insulin on me! And since I'm now on Symlin, I've got syringes too! Just maybe I can actually do this without spending the day feeling like death!!! And for shits and giggles, what happens if I remove the battery and put it back in (at the very least it'll make this stupid alarm stop)....Remove/replace battery and WHAMO! everything's working again! ARE YOU SHITTING ME?? Can I be this lucky?

Clinician calls me back...She sounds like she doesn't have a clue, but tells me that the alarm I experienced (100) sometimes just happens during a big bolus (I had bolused 11units - which is actually pretty normal for me - again with the stupid IR). She said it's usually a 1 time deal, but if it did happen again, to call them back and they'll send out a new one.

I got to thinking then....Um, I bought a new holder on Sat. A really cute pink one to match my pink Red Sox hat I so desperately want. Designed for cell phones, but it fit PERFECTLY. The flap though, closes with a magnet. I'm wondering if that's the culprit. Haven't had any alarms since I stopped using the holder, no more jingles either (learned the jingle is the pump running a self-test).

Guess I'm back to my boring black, plastic clip.
pic is just for color purposes. Couldn't find the actual case I had bought.