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Friday, July 27, 2007

Change does a body good

I'm sick of my template. Its coming down. Might be a slow process as I'm heading out the door today, returning tomorrow.

My Dare-Devil

Toddler play structure? Are you insane? HELL NO!! Give her the chance to maim, maul and generally kill herself, and my daughter will choose it every.single.time.

Ally Park6

Ally Park7Ally Park8Ally Park3

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


When I was pregnant with A, I was constantly scared that something could go wrong. her cord would wrap around her neck and I would not know it. That because I could not hold her, could not see her, I would not be able to protect her. I longed for her birth day. If I could just hold her in my arms, I could protect her from everything.

I was so very, very wrong. The world is a scary place when your heart walks outside your body, away from you. And news like this does nothing to assuage my anxiety problems. This family's home was invaded by 2 paroled convicts at 3am. They were held hostage, the father brutally beaten, the mother strangled to death. The house was set on fire with the family inside and both daughters died of smoke inhalation.

The randomness of this crime is what terrifies me. How I wish that it would be discovered that the father had shady dealings, or even that he had hired them to assassinate his family. The deaths would be no less tragic, but the randomness would be removed. There would be a reason this happened to THIS family. I don't think this will be the case though. This was random, indiscriminate violence.

These poor girls, aged 11 and 17. They went to bed Monday night most likely thinking of swimming, mall trips and lazy days with friends. Their quiet, safe life, shattered in the middle of the night. Their lives taken from them after hours of terror. The parents. What horror did they witness? Full of knowledge that they could not save them, could not protect them. What is our job as parents, if not to protect our children from everything?

Home invasion has always been my number 1 fear. I do not fear my death. I do not fear public speaking. I was tested with this fear last fall when I returned home from work to find my house had been burglarized. The sanctuary that my home created was shattered. But I survived. No one was home when it happened, no one was hurt. I had THINGS stolen. Only THINGS. THINGS can be replaced, people cannot. It was random, but it was not violent.

The thought of someone randomly picking my house, the place where I should be safe from the outside world, entering it, while we are home and violently terrorizing my family, though, that fear I don't think I will ever be able to release. The thought that this could happen anywhere to anyone. This could have been my neighbor or a friend. This could have been ME. You can't protect yourself from it. You can't prepare yourself for it, so how do you live with it?

I try my best to not let my fear rule me. It is much more difficult this week.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Pottey Training


Seriously, why is it so freaking difficult???! I've tried to be the calm, cool, collective "It'll happen when she's ready" mom. I haven't forced it, I haven't pushed her into the gosh darn too cute under-roos. We bought her pull-ups, told her only big girls who use the potty get to wear them, and all was right in the world. She was using the potty. ALL.THE.TIME.

Now, not so much. No more peeing on the potty for her. Nada. Nothing. No way, Jose. I had read a tip to put undies on under the pull-up. Makes them feel wetter, gives them the satisfaction of wearing "big girl" pants, without all the puddles. I ended the day with 3 pairs of soaking wet princess pants. UGH!

Do I bite the bullet this weekend and just take the pull-ups away? God, we have a lot of carpet in our house. That just sounds like a recipe for disaster. Do I move her back into diapers and tell her that she can have the big girl pants when she starts using the potty all the time again? DO I do nothing and just keep telling myself that "No one goes off to college in pull ups?"...And then what the hell happens when we move? Am I doing all of this just to be faced with regression? Is it worth the battle right now? Should their even be a battle?

Parenting, its one insanely long exam, that's never graded and the text book is always on back-order. Don't even get me started about pre-school. Can you just say $11,000 ON TOP of daycare. Ok, I'm going to go hyperventilate under my desk for a minute.

Thursday, July 19, 2007


Scene: Car at gas station, rain and heavy fog.
Mom and child (a little over 2.5 years old)

Child: "Mommy - my window broke"
Mom: "No honey, it just has rain on it"
Child: "But I can't see"
Mom: "Because of the water"
Child: "No, I can't see after the water"
Mom: "Oh, that's because its foggy out"
Child: "foggy?"
Mom: "Yes, foggy, see how all the clouds are down with us?"
Child (said dead seriously and a little too grown-up): "Mommy, Let's Get Out of Here!"

Tuesday, July 17, 2007


So I received my shiny, new updated Cozmo pump last night. Grabbed the laptop, and proceed to swear A LOT.

1) CD tray which opens up whenever the hell it feels like it, possessed by unseen forces, open, close, open, close, open, close...REFUSED to open. Downright nasty about it. Rebooted 2x and had to use the special tool (aka paper clip) to force it open.

2) Computer then refused to recognize that there was now a disk in the drive. For 25 minutes. ya, fun. Then decided that what I had really wanted to do was invisibly launch the installer, over and over and over again. It was kind enough to tell me that I could only run one instance of the installer approximately a bazillion times. One.after.the.other.

3) Computer now toying with me. Mocking me. Dangerously tempting me to chuck it out the window. "Infrared port on the front? You want to use THAT? You're shitting me right? You can't use that? THAT'S only for the optional remote control!"...Cause ya, I need a remote to watch a movie on a freakin laptop.

My IR port, purchased specifically for this task of communicating my pump with my computer...That folks, is of course in storage. Not 1 but 2. Yes, I have 2 IR ports, BOTH.IN.STORAGE.

I'm pretty sure it was DH's love for me, but can't rule out his love of the laptop, which prompted him to get in the car, drive to storage (which I am told is probably the scariest place on earth after dark) and retrieve a port from me.

Total time I estimated would be required to program and "go live" with new pump : 1/2 hour, TOPS.

Actual total time required to "go live" : closer to 3.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007


A's had a fever now for about a day an a half. She's miserable. Motrin brings it down toot-sweet, but cracks her out for about 2 hours, then she crash and burns. We just dosed her up and put her to bed at close to 104°. sigh I'm guessing roseola, but gosh darn why can't the tell tale rash appear WITH the fever, instead of after?

Called the Nurse on call and was told to treat at home unless she shows signs of dehydration, if other symptoms appear or if the fever is still present on Thurs. So its a wait and see thing. I don't do well with "waiting" or "seeing". This momma bear needs to know what's up, and needs to knock this virus the hell out of her little cub!