2 days left of 20's

I'm turning 30. How the hell did that happen? I distinctly remember turning 18 and then turning 25, but 26, 27, 28 and 29...Where did those years go? Does 30 mean that I have to actually be an adult now, because I'm not ready to grow up. I'm still not sure what I want to be.

In all honesty, I haven't given 30 much thought. Somehow it really doesn't seem to be the big deal that some people make it out to be. I mean really, will I be all that different Friday morning, then I was Thursday night?

I'm pretty sure that we are going out to my favorite restaurant Friday night to celebrate...Zoe's Fish and Chop House...YUMMY. I've already planned my menu. Some Main crab cakes and coconut battered shrimp for starters, surf and turf (filet mignon and stuffed shrimp), salad bar and baked potato and then Chocolate Lovin Spoon Cake. drooling already. Insulin will be bolused like its going out of style, but I.Don't.Care.

Is it Friday yet?

How Sesame Street has touched me today

I don't think I can adequately express how much I REALLY like this song!

Let the season of sharing begin

And it has started. I foolishly thought last week that we were in the clear. It was December, by god, and she was still healthy, still disease free. I flaunted it. I tempted fate and laughed in its face. I mean really, by this time last yr, I was pretty sure the wrath of baby germs would burn our house to the ground, or at the very least open a time portal to the 3rd circle of hell.

I shouldn't have been so arrogant. Those germs, they're sneaky. They wait in hiding, until just the right moment. Apparently yesterday was a good moment. A pulled out her sexy, I just finished 6 packs of Cools mom, voice. She looked like the puppies at the Pet Store in the Mall. She was laying it on thick. She even begged for a nap at daycare.

Today, fever of 101 and I'm taking yet another unpaid day off to watch Dora - oh how I despise Dora. The last thing I want is my daughter to grow up thinking she needs help with EVERYTHING she is going to try to do.

While I have no symptoms, I must be feverish too, as I stupidly thought that I would take this opportunity, this time when A IS SICK to wash her blankie. What the hell is wrong with me? I told her the blankie needed a bath. So now not only do I have a sick child whining for her blankie, but one who is also whining for a bath of her own. Not my brightest parenting moment.

Aw, gosh...LOL

my thanks to Allison!

nanowrimo

Well, I did better then I thought, but no where even close to goal.

First off, please go give Kerri huge congrats for finishing.

Me, a measly 7,843 words.

I do like my story though. Its not exactly where I started out, and quite honestly I have to go back and rewrite the first 2,000 words since they no longer make any sense with the last 5,000, but I did enjoy the experience. Its the most ambitious writing I've ever done (hey, I was an Econ major for crips-sake!). Give me numbers ANY day! LOL

The scary thing, NaNoWriMo, is that I'll be back. I WILL hit 50,000 at least once. Maybe not next year (I'm praying there will be a newborn in my arms by then), but soon.

Anyone got packing peanuts?

Found the perfect solution to all my 2 yr old troubles...................


UPS!!!!



Sign, sealed, delivered! She'll be at my mom's sometime on Tuesday.




I suppose I'll miss the smile.......................maybe..................

No Time, Must Bullet

Its been forever and a day since I last posted. Sorry for the drive-by bullet post..

• My nephew is here!!!!!!!!! He was born on Thanksgiving day and my sister went through hell and back to have him, but he's gorgeous and they're both doing great. 8lbs 1.9oz and 22 inches.
• A has decided to hit the "terrible 2's". I thought it was bad before. She's taken it to a whole new level. It tiring and frusterating and I hate the parent that I am most of the time. All I do is yell.
• Cozmo's upgrade should be available soon, very soon. I'm incredibly excited! Already talked with my rep. Supposedly, instead of a download of the software, they're actually just going to send out new pumps. Might pay the $99 to upgrade to the cool new green color!

Why I shouldn't be in charge

I've discovered today that I should not be allowed to be in charge of a little person. I'll list the reasons for you.

1) I eat raw cookie dough. Wrong on too many levels to list.
2) I eat whipped cream out of the can, straight into my mouth. Very simple. Shake can, tilt head, enjoy.
3) 1 & 2 would constitute dinner if I was left to my own devices.
4) I LOVE freeze pops and still routinely enjoy them even though its below freezing out. They accompany cookie dough and whipped cream amazingly. Perfect finish to a perfect meal.
5) Neon Blue freeze pop, beige carpet. 2 yr old who has no concept of gravity or stains, spinning in a very tight circle, while her mom surfs the net, mindlessly enjoying the veggie song from Sesame Street playing in the background.

I'm now the proud owner of a nice art deco beige carpet with blue spots randomly distributed in an oval, whiplash manner.


Note to self, give the 2 yr old the light pink freeze pop. YOU eat the neon blue one.




"some plants grow above the ground, some plants grow below.....Plants can grow HIGH, Plants can grow low, some grow above the ground, some grow below...."

Flying High

I've got issues, huge issues, not seeing anything in the 100's issues (expect the quick juant to 60 and back up again this morning).

I seriously don't know what's wrong. I've been in the 200's for at least a month now. CONSTANT 200s.

I'd been riding a beautiful average of about 114 last month, now. I've changed sites, thrown out insulin, increased basal (crap if I increase them anymore, I might as well load the whole damn bottle into my Cozmo).

This is ridiculous and its driving.me.insane.

Angry

I took my diagnosis in stride for the sake of my family, never allowing them to see me cry, even if I still wonder if it was all my fault. I had never allowed myself to fully express the anger I have about diabetes. How unfair life can be. Why I had to be the one with it. How much I hate testing, hate the days where my blood sugar is high, my mind a fog and all I want to do is go to sleep. Angry when my life is interrupted because this thing is beeping at me, telling me its time to test, time to change a battery, time to refill the insulin if I want to live for another 3 days. Angry, that I have to be attached to a machine like RoboGirl (even though I wouldn't give up my mechanical pancreas for all the Lantus in the world.)

Angry because my disease interfers not just with my life, but those around me. Times when sites have failed and I have insulin, but no needle with me and now we have to stop what we were doing and go home. Moments when my sugar plummets and locating anything with sugar is now priority #1. When my moods are dictated by what the stupid numbers on a meter say and how my mouth will lash out at those I love most when those numbers are high.

3 years ago I found a group of pregnant women with T1. I couldn't believe that there were so many people out there dealing with the same issues, same anger. I wanted to meet each and everyone (and did meet a bunch , including Kassie!) and suddenly I felt better about this disease, less alone. I could voice my anger and there were people who actually understood. People who wouldn't roll their eyes and say "your sugar must be high" when I voiced any negativity.

Then one year ago, this month, I started this blog, not knowing that there was a whole D Community out there (thanks again Kassie!). My days were suddenly filled with people who understood this whole "life". I didn't have to wait for an email to arrive. I could surf around and read and understand the daily struggles of everyone out there. Without you all, I'd still be hiding the anger of my disease, keeping it shoved beneath the surface, boiling. I'd still be alone and silently scared. I realize now, even though it truly is a small world, its nice to belong somewhere and I'm suddenly less angry.

I can live with this AND enjoy life, because you do.

I can do whatever I want, because you have.

Diabetes won't limit me, because you refuse to let it limit you.

and

I can be angry when I need to be, because you are always there, to listen, to understand and to let me be angry.

Writers Block

Seeing as how I've NEVER written anything as ambitious as NaNoWiMo, I think I'm in a little bit over my head.

I decided to write a "ghost story" of sorts. Basically my main character is going to start her own "ghost hunters" business assuming that its all hogwash, and a quick way to make a buck and learns that she's OH SO WRONG.....

Ok, that's all good, but I need, dear readers, your best "ghost stories" to incorporate, whether true happenings, or made-up campfire stories.

Please help! I don't know if I'll hit 50,000 words, or even be done by Nov 30th, but I'm really interested in doing this.

Tagged, like a deer....

Yikers I've been tagged by Kassie

Ok, 5 things that I haven't already blurbed about myself here.....Hmmmmmmmmmmm

1.) I HATED swimming, yet did so competitively from the time I was 5 or 6 up until my Junior Yr of High School (maybe Hate is too strong, I LOVED practicing, hated the time consuming black hole it was). Swam for my local Y for most of it (up until the end of my Freshman year). I wasn't an awesome swimmer, but held my own. The thought of quitting terrified me, though. I finally quit the local Y team so that I could play my true love, Volleyball through high school.

2.)I've never broken a bone. Not even a teeny-tiny toe. Never had stiches either.

3.)I wore a backbrace for a little over 2 yrs because of lumbardosis when I was around 10. It wrapped completely around my back and stomach and was cinched together in the back. I spent probably 3 or 4 yrs going to Shriners to be treated for it.

4)...ya, um, 4)....I need a life (or need to stop being soo honest all the time)! No....Ok, I don't sleep at night. I have no trouble falling asleep, but staying asleep. Doesn't happen. I toss and turn and toss and turn. Its gotta be genetic because my mom, dad and sister are the same way. Leads to a very grumpy me most days.

5)I NEED people to like me and avoid conflict like the plague. I'm seriously sick that way. If I know someone doesn't like me it drives me insane. Just yesterday, I had to leave negative feedback for an eBay Seller (item was COMPLETELY not as described and STUNK)....I didn't even leave negative, just neutral because he offered to take it back, but wanted ME to pay to ship it back to him (hmmmmmm, $.99 book, already spent $2.50 for him to ship it to me, another $2.50 to send it back??? I'm not the brightest bulb, but $5.00 for a $.99 refund just doesn't add up in my boook....) It kills me now that this guy is pissed at me....Like I said, I need some SERIOUS help!

I'm not sure who has/hasn't done this yet, so I guess I'll just tag:

Rachel
Caren
KJ
and Andrea

Disappearing Sarah

I've been a bad blogger, lately. My heart just isn't in it. Actually the only thing my heart has been "in" lately is the many ways I plot to single-handedly crumble the financial existence of Preferred Mutual Insurance Company (PM).

If I could hang banners from every skyscraper in the world telling people about how crappy they are I would. Its been 43 days since our house was robbed. FORTY-THREE DAYS! I'm not closer to getting my check then the day we were robbed.

The very first time I actually HEARD from someone (other then our contracted adjuster)from PM was TODAY and that was because I finally wrangled a phone number from the adjuster. PM has had our claim for 3 full weeks now with no word from them...3 weeks of me pretty much emailing the adjuster daily and hopefully 3 weeks of him trying to get a hold of PM daily. They FINALLY got back to him yesterday....Their response.."We need a new Police Report".....

YOU WHAT?????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F(&*%^%#$)$J F*^^*#(^ 3 Fucking weeks and the best you can decide is that you want another fucking police report????????? Why couldn't we decide this THE DAY THE ADJUSTER SUBMITTED IT TO YOU!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I work with customers. If I ever took a customer's information down and then promptly did NOTHING with it for over 3 weeks, then ASK FOR SOMETHING THEY'VE ALREADY GIVEN ME....I'd be fired and there'd be no way in hell we'd ever be able to sell something to that customer...Fucking ridiculous.

On a light note....

Its A's 2nd birthday today! I tried singing her Happy Birthday, but it was met with emphatic "NO 2!!! NO!".

We also took her Trick or Treating and HOLY SHIT WAS THAT FUNNY!!!! She had her little strut on (she has the cockiest little strut) and would chant "Trick a Treach" up each driveway...form her little hand into the mightiest fist and pound on each door. Then stand their mute...LOL We eventually got "Tank You" and "Bye" out of her. But just watching her walk from house to house was just.too.cute.

Freaking Out

I did it. I broke down and tested A's blood sugar for the 1st time.

I picked her up from daycare with this as the day's report:
"She drank a HUGE amount of water today. She CONSTANTLY wanted water, which of course meant she had really wet diapers. Oh ya, and she ate a TON today, she was constantly asking for food".

To a "normal" mother of my daughter this would be a GREAT day!! Holy cow, she drank AND ate in 1 day!!!! Amazing!

Me, my heart sank and fear overtook me like none I've ever had. Raced home and tested.

118. I'm still not relieved. So dear readers, on a 2 yr old, with no idea when or what she last ate, is this okay?

Somersault

Guess what she figured out how to do last night?

A change of air

http://kevan.org/johari?name=floreksa

I found this over at Diabetic Princess.
Please take a look and fill out so that I'll have something mindless and fun to obsess about instead of the breakin...

Thanks :)

I'd like to get off now

I'm really getting sick of the "our house got broken into and everything was stolen" ride. Thanks, its been fun, but I need to go back to my safe, secure, still in possession of my belongings world now.

I've just emailed the adjuster to get a copy of HIS spreadsheet with the depreciation/holdback amounts they are applying to all of my possessions. I don't know why, but I'm terrified sitting here. I'm 100% expecting him to come back and say "oh, ya, that tv that you bought less then a yr ago, ya, we're gonna give you $100 for that, and oh, those 183 DVD's you had stolen, um ya, worth $0.26"

I.HATE.THIS. I hate worrying about shit that wasn't my fault. We worked HARD for our belongings and some asshole breaks a window, takes it all and WE have to worry if we'll actually be able to replace it. We have a replacement cost rider on our insurance so technically they have to give us whatever it costs to replace, but if we don't replace it, we have to take the depreciated value.

I hate the worry. The worry about what the insurance is going to say is an actual "replacement value" of our items....Worring each day as I drive home wondering "will the door be open today? Is today the day that they come back?"...WHEN THE FUCK WILL OUR WINDOW BE FIXED?!?!?!?!

DH and I have been watching "It Takes a Theif" lately...Although all we do is yell at the TV "YOUR STUFF IS COMING BACK DUMBASS!!!" and "WELL WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT LEAVING YOUR HOUSE UNLOCKED!!", but mainly "Your stuff is all coming back". Ya, ours isn't, its gone. Our house wasn't open either. All locked up. Nice and tight. I don't leave doors unlocked. EVER. If my hands on a door knob, its locking it.

I'm tired, I'm angry, and my D control has gone to the crapper.

23 Months

(so I missed 22 months, sue me!)

I can't believe in 1 month you're going to be 2!!! Where has the time gone? Where has my baby gone? I'm now the mommy of a little person with definite wants and needs, your biggest at the moment being THE DUCK.

You want THE DUCK, you need THE DUCK, your very existence depends upon THE DUCK being available at your beck and call. Daddy made the mistake of watching a Looney Tunes movie with you one day (desperation creates madness, and Daddy couldn't take another episode of Little Bear). You latched onto THE DUCK and there's been no looking back.

Each morning I hear you lovingly calling to me through the monitor.

"Ma-mmma! Ma-mmma!!...............
........I WANT DUCK!"

We've watched The Bugs Bunny Road Runner Movie so many times this past month, that I broke down and actually bought you a Thomas the Train movie (that's desperation RIGHT THERE!). Nope, still want THE DUCK.

We had bought a Looney Tunes Collection so that we could at least watch a few different Daffy Duck episodes, but ya, that 1 disk, that disk of life was stollen with everything else, and Bugs Bunny just doesn't it cut it for you!

You are also quite demanding with snacks, french fries (said with a definte chinese accent - "frewn frews")and just lately hugs. The last one melted my heart right then and there. I got you out of your crib, demanding my morning kiss, and when I went to put you onto your changing table you promptly threw the mother of all fits. It took me a little while to realize it, but you were saying "want hug". If I could have I would have given you THE DUCK, french fries and a snack right then and there!



Its amazing the way your vocabulary exploded during the last 2 months. I can understand close to 80% of what you are saying to me now. I may not get it the 1st or 2nd time, but you are persistant enough to keep saying it until I understand.

You still love, love, love the potty! But you also still do absolutely nothing on it. One day you'll get it.

Meme

Since I'm still the proud owner of nothing, and really still have nothing to say....maybe actually getting a full nights sleep (hear that SWCAL - night time is for SLEEP, NOT french fries!) will return my thoughts. Oh ya and if I could stop worrying about insurance / alarms / money that insurance may or may not give us... Anyway, I figured I could handle a meme...

1. Do you still have tonsils?

Amazingly Yes. I was threatened multiple times that I would have them removed (strep 10 times in 6 months). Turned out my dad was a symptomless carrier, one round of antibiotics on him and I was a new girl!

2. Would you bungee jump?

Not unless I was drugged, dragged, and tossed off.

3. If You Could Do Anything In The World For A Living What Would It Be?

I have no idea what, but it would be something creative that I enjoyed every second of, could do on my own schedule and allowed me to stay home with SWCA. Maybe something to do with baking.

4. How many tattoos do you have?

none....WAY too permenant for me.

5. Your favorite fictional animal?

Mickey Mouse. Was going to marry him when I was little and it wasn't a pretty sight when I was told I couldn't marry a cartoon.

6. One person that never fails to make you laugh?

My DH.

7. Do you consider yourself well organized?

Not.At.All

8. Any Addictions?

Sugar....Scary thought, huh?

9. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news?

CNN, I guess. Internet. Don't read the paper. Too difficult to manage.

10. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus?

A carnival-- more fun, more to see/do.

11. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A pilot with the Blue Angels.

12. Best Movie You've Seen This Year?

Is it sad that I can't think of any, even though we get Blockbuster Online?

I think I saw Crash this yr. OMG, I've never had such a physical response to a movie in my life. I honestly hurt after watching it.

Guilty Pleasure Best Movie - Mr. and Mrs. Smith I don't know why, but I.LOVE.THIS.MOVIE

13.Favorite alcoholic drink

Not a big drinker. Its gotta taste like Kool-Aid for me to enjoy it.

14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

Check email while I brush my teeth.

15. Siblings?

1 sister

16. What is the best thing about your job?

getting paid on Friday.

17. Have you ever gone to therapy?

Nope, but probably should.

18. If you could have one super power what would it be?

Maybe the ability to manipulate time.

19. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?

Nope.

20. Have you ever gone camping?

Not in years. We used to go every summer when I was little. Problem now is that my definition of camping (in which a bathroom is within walking distance) is FAR from DH's.

21. Gas prices! First thought?

Going down

22. Your favorite cartoon character?

Scooby Doo.

23. What was your first car?

A used 89 Chevy Cavalier.

24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?

Absolutely not.

25. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?

I guess Cosby Show.

26. Do you go to church?

No.

27. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?

Walt Disney

28. What errand/chore do you despise?

All.Of.Them

Every last one.

29. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?

I woke before it. Like I always do.

30. Last time you puked from drinking?

Never have.

31. What is your heritage?

French, French-Canadian, Irish and English.

Mostly French/French Canadian, though.

32. Favorite flower?

Tulips

33. Disney or Warner Bros?

Warner Bros. Definitely Warner Bros.

34. What is your best childhood memory?

Any memory from the lazy days at the camp, at the lake just spending the day on the water with our friends. Nights spent playing kick the bucket and walking around the lake in the dark trying to scare one another.

35. Your favorite potato chip?

Eat Smart Veggie Crisps
Hope those count

36. What is your favorite candy?

Dark Chocolate.

37. Do you burn or tan?

Tan

38. Astrological sign?

Sagittarius

39. Do you own a gun?

No.

40. What do you think of hot dogs?
Not my favorite.

The Cats are all home!

I found the 3rd cat a few minutes after posting. I was sitting in the computer room and thought I kept hearing a box just barely move. I knew that all of that had been tossed, ever so gently, all over the room by "The assholes" (formerly known as robbers), so deep down I knew it wasn't the cat, but had to look anyway.

Of course he wasn't there, but as soon as I sat back down, I saw his glorious little black nose peaking out of the closet. So thankfully, even though our side door was wide open from 12pm until 4:45pm, all 3 stayed in the house! (and OK, neighbor, how the hell do you not notice THAT?!?!?)

We were able to narrow the time of the crime to 11-12pm. One neighbor saw the car on the street with a guy walking the street at 11am, and is PISSED that he didn't call the cops (he always does - we live on a dead end, so we ALL known when a car belongs here or not), and the OTHER neighbor saw it in our driveway probably between 11:30 and 12pm. No license plate numbers, just a red/maroon Olds sedan with front fender damage. SO the cops have that.

julia - I'm right up the street from the library in your town(I think you're in the same town as Deb), on one of the side streets by the river.