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Wednesday, April 19, 2006


I had one of those nights last night. Those nights where you wish you could just pull the covers over your head and forget about this whole D thing. Honestly, I did pull the covers over my head, but I couldn't forget, damn it!

I'd been running high ALL DAY. Not once did I get below 250. Not.Freakin.Once.

Normal person - this is a no brainer, change site, change insulin, bolus and watch the bs drop down to normal.

Psycho Sarah - get pissed, get rebellious, refuse to change site, continue bolusing into what is already a painful site, get sick, go to bed saying "Screw all of this, I'll deal with it in the morning".

Lie in bed for 2 hours feeling horrible and wishing my heart would stop racing (from the high, anger, both?). Come very, very close to ripping the pump off and throwing it down the stairs. Resign myself that I cannot ignore it any longer (this was "normal Sarah" trying desperately to take over) and go downstairs, spend 5 minutes changing my site and am in bed and a sleep within a 1/2 hr.

WHY IN THE HELL DO I DO THIS?????????!!!!!!!!!!

Some days, I don't know what in the hell is wrong with me. Most days I can handle a high, treat however necessary and get on with it. Others...I dunno. Unexplained highs will just royally piss me off. I somehow see them as a reflection of a failure - and I.Hate.Failing.

Luckily, today, I'm back. I'm me. I'm sane and I'm generally below 150 (although the unexplained 156 at lunch sent a little Dr Jekyll back into me).


Scott K. Johnson said...

You know, I think it's because it's simply a royal pain in the ass to deal with crap like that.

You're not crazy. Well, at least not just because of this. :-p