Branching out

So I've been a Softset girl my whole "pumping" life. Sure I've tried the odd silhouette style sets here and there. Love their low-profile, hate that they leak like a sieve on me after a day.

So being the "new and improved", "daring, willing to try new things" diabetic Sarah (who used her hip for the first time 2 days ago!!), I decided to order me some Quicksets. Came in today.

I tore into that package like a kid at Christmas (am I the only one who gets all excited about new D toys). SO anyway, there I am with this surprisingly small box for the infusion sets and even smaller box for the inserter. Take a set out. I'm all excited...Then....Wait..Does this go here? What the heck is this blue crap, do I pull this off? Oh, crap I guess not, there goes the needle. 1 set trashed, maybe, just maybe I should read the instructions.

I never felt so dumb in my life. These sets had me completely stumped. Took me a good 15mintues to get it all worked out. Its in now, I'm happy, absolutely no pain on insertion (someone please extend my delusion that they all go in that painlessly!!). Took another minute or 2 (and more reading of the directions...ugh, I'm such a women!) to figure out the disconnect, but so far "Mikey Likes!"

It was Inevitable

Lastest google search leading here:

pillsbury biscuit dough tube explosion

:)

And yes, I'm afraid of biscuit dough tubes!

Jump for joy or cry?

Don't know which I should do. I finally installed my One Touch Software here at work and am enthralled with it. I'm sure the more I play, the more I will find the preset reports to be too limiting, but for now, I'm in love. This is why I'm jumping for joy.

Crying - well, I've got all my readings, or lack there off, staring me right in the face. Then there's the statistics...Out of 51 readings, only 24% were within range.

24 - freakin %!!! No wonder my A1C was in the crapper last time it was done. Its amazing how having all the information right there staring you in the face makes you snap to attention.

Then, to add insult to injury,I printed out my CalorieKing diaries to get the food data into the software. Holy CRAP, I need to stop eating out. First off, some "meals" had more calories then I should consume in a day, and I've yet to even come close to guessing the carb count correctly.

Diabetes - 1 Sarah - 0 (bring it on!)

Let the games begin!!!

Batman!

Couldn't resist, just like DH couldn't resist putting it on her and snapping the pic!

I QUIT

I had one of those nights last night. Those nights where you wish you could just pull the covers over your head and forget about this whole D thing. Honestly, I did pull the covers over my head, but I couldn't forget, damn it!

I'd been running high ALL DAY. Not once did I get below 250. Not.Freakin.Once.

Normal person - this is a no brainer, change site, change insulin, bolus and watch the bs drop down to normal.

Psycho Sarah - get pissed, get rebellious, refuse to change site, continue bolusing into what is already a painful site, get sick, go to bed saying "Screw all of this, I'll deal with it in the morning".

Lie in bed for 2 hours feeling horrible and wishing my heart would stop racing (from the high, anger, both?). Come very, very close to ripping the pump off and throwing it down the stairs. Resign myself that I cannot ignore it any longer (this was "normal Sarah" trying desperately to take over) and go downstairs, spend 5 minutes changing my site and am in bed and a sleep within a 1/2 hr.

WHY IN THE HELL DO I DO THIS?????????!!!!!!!!!!

Some days, I don't know what in the hell is wrong with me. Most days I can handle a high, treat however necessary and get on with it. Others...I dunno. Unexplained highs will just royally piss me off. I somehow see them as a reflection of a failure - and I.Hate.Failing.

Luckily, today, I'm back. I'm me. I'm sane and I'm generally below 150 (although the unexplained 156 at lunch sent a little Dr Jekyll back into me).

I am: bored
I want: to go home
I wish: I was 100 pounds lighter
I hate: unexplained highs
I miss: sleeping (DD's been on a sleep strike)
I fear: failure
I hear: coworkers on the phone and a truck outside
I wonder: when/if there will ever be a D cure
I regret: nothing, really
I am not: always as happy as I pretend to be
I dance: like no one is watching
I sing: as soon as I'm in the car
I cry: constantly
I am not always: neat.
I make with my hands: awesome baked goods that I shouldn't eat.
I write: to let out feelings I could never say outloud
I confuse: who I am with who I think people want me to be
I need: to be able to spend more time with SWCAL
I should: stop procrastinating
I start: supper every night
I finish: most things on time

Weird Googles that lead to my Blog

Firecracker soup can in bucket of water

licking cat

cute crying

Baby to English Translation

There's some days where I would give anything to understand exactly what SWCAL is saying to me. She definitely has her own langauge. Certain words she says constantly, like -

"galub-ba-lub!" - this is ALWAYS a statement and I'm guessing generally means - "Give me what you have!" (usually spoken when we are eating or drinking something)

Then there's...

"Gually-ga?" - This one is always spoken as a question.

Then there's the totally random "talking" that occurs in the car after she's said "ma!" 100 times and I've said "what?" 101 times. I generally wait for "galub-ba-lub" or "gually-ga" and respond accordingly.

This post doesn't have a point....I just don't ever want to forget about "galub-ba-lub!" and "gually-ga"

Easter

  

Penance for Yesterday

So DH said yesterday's post was pretty lame..LOL Seriously though, have you ever gotten to that point of utter, complete lack of will from the never-ending tedium of having NOTHING to do, while you're stuck for 9 hours at a desk. I'm talking flipping through windows, trying to look busy, can't even think of anything to surf for on the web, boredom??! Whole WORLD-WIDE WEB and I couldn't think of a single topic to research...Heck, I've got a million things I could look for now and of course, I'm busy now, which would mean I shouldn't be writing this, but oh well. I could start planning the "its never gonna happen" trip to Bora Bora, look for new caches in and around my area, learn about Indian (as in India) culture, relive my trip to Alaska...You get the point.

I don't have anything insightful today, except to tell you all that the little person inside my head, that regularly cracks me up, is currently chanting "Neener, Neener, neener....I don't have to work on Monday!! I don't have to work on Monday!!! Neener, Neener Neener" She's got a pretty cool dance to it too.






Love IT!

Random Thoughts

Is it technically possible to die of boredom? I'm pretty sure I'm teetering on the edge.

Give me a break!!!

Officer cites 82-year-old woman for being too slow to negotiate busy street


"Mayvis Coyle, 82, was shuffling with her cane across busy Foothill Boulevard while a traffic police officer watched and waited.

And watched and waited.

Even before Coyle finished crossing the intersection at Woodward Avenue, he had scribbled a $114 ticket for crossing against a don't-walk signal. "I entered the crosswalk, it was green," said Coyle, of Sunland, who is fighting the infraction issued Feb. 15. "It turned red before I could get over. There he was, waiting, the motorcycle cop.

"He said, `You're obstructing the flow of traffic."' "


......And in a surprise twist, the awards for "Dumbest Cop of the Year" & "Least Likely to Have Ever Been a Boy Scout" goes too....Officer Kelly

YES!! A boredom killer

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Julia for ending the non-stop tedium of this day!!! LOL

"Go to Wikipedia and type in your birthday. Don't include the year. Record three events, three births and three deaths that happened on the day you were born."
EVENTS
1791 - The United States Bill of Rights becomes law when ratified by the Virginia legislature.

1891 - James Naismith introduces the first version of basketball, with thirteen rules, a peach basket nailed to either end of his school's gymnasium, and two teams of nine players. (and I've never been to the BBall Hall of Fame, even though its 5 minutes from my house!)

1994 - The web browser Netscape Navigator 1.0 is released.

DEATHS
1890 - Sitting Bull, Sioux nation leader (b. circa 1831)
1944? - Glenn Miller, American musician (b. 1904)
1966 - Walt Disney, American animator (b. 1901) - My hero :(

BIRTHS
1933 - Tim Conway, American actor and comedian
1949 - Don Johnson, American actor
1967 - Mo Vaughn, American baseball player - GO SOX!!!!!!

"Edit-Me"

Why do those 2 words under my Links section send a shiver up my spine? "Edit-me"...Its calling to me, sinisterly, so full of potential, yet completely lacking in any direction or suggestion.

Is it because I feel pressured, unsure of myself or my choices? What should I link too? What I put there reflects on me. Do I relink my old digiscrapping kit? That just seems old and tired, definitely not how I want to feel. Do I add more links to D related topics? Well then, that might allow people to think that I'm more activist then I've ever really been. So what, do I link? Or, are the word's speaking to me, directly to me....Edit Sarah, but how or better yet, why? Do I edit the link, or take those 2 words to heart - edit "me".

If I could edit me, what would I edit? My weight? Well, shit, that's a given. D? Um, hell ya, screw the whole "D made me who I am" - I know who I am, and I don't need D teaching me any more lessons, thank you very much. But other then that, is there anything about ME, Sarah, the person, that I would edit? I really don't think so. I'm happy with who I am, where I am. Are there things I wish for? Yes. Like winning the lottery (even though I don't play) and being a SAHM (even thought I'd go nuts after a week). But those aren't me. I don't ever dream about being a different person, never. Is that normal? Do I need editing?

"Edit-me"

I wish I took a picture

So we got a backpack carrier for "She Who Cries A Lot" (SWCAL) this weekend. Its pretty nice, actually fits my "round" body, and seems quite comfy. Oh, did I mention, it was FREE!! (freecycle.org ROCKS!!).

Ok, here comes the part where I should've taken a pic. We put A in it, she's screaming the entire time. DH figures out how to get it up onto his back, and starts walking around the kitchen. The entire time, A has the most pathetic looking face on and is whimpering "Up, up, up, up, up, up, up", ("up" is used for both up and down), while she clutches her "bankies". (yes, I'm telling I took delight in my child's misery, honestly what else is a parent to do?). I asked her if she was having fun, and got a quiet, quivering "yez". We took her out after that...

Hmmm, what do you think? 10 minutes, 3 times a day, should get her used to it?

We got it so that we could start Geo-caching again. If you don't know what geo-caching is, YOU ARE MISSING OUT!!! Its great!!! Basically people place small "caches" in the woods, post the coordinates to it and you use your GPS to find it. The cache itself is nothing much (think McDonald's toys), but its usually placed along a nice hike, or at an amazing view. We'd like to take SWCAL with us, hence the carrier. Wish us luck next Saturday!

My biggest Secret

For years I've lived with this secret. To be exact - 12.5 yrs, I've lived with this secret. I am convinced I caused my diabetes. To understand, we have to travel back an additional 6 or 7 yrs.

I've always been tall. Always. I'm the same height now (5'10") as I was in 4th grade. As such, I've always towered over my friends and sometimes even my teachers. Being tall is great now, but back then I didn't feel tall, I felt F-A-T. Here I was probably 130-140lbs, which on 5'10" is actually skinny, but when you put me up against my friends who were lucky to break 5' and probably weighed 80lbs soaking wet, I just looked fat.

When I was around 9 or 10, one of my best friends (aren't all friends at that age, your "best") was diagnosed with T1 diabetes. I saw how her food had to be carefully weighed and measured and how limited she was in what she could eat (pre-"carb counting" days). I went home one night after spending the day with her and feeling incredibly fat and I actually - god I am literally shaking as I write this - wished and prayed that I would get diabetes, so that I would HAVE to follow a diet and would be skinny and petite like my friends.

I cry now for that little kid. How F'd up is society if a 9 yr old girl prays for a disease because she thinks she's fat?? I honestly saw D as my only way to lose weight. Nevermind that I swam competitively for over 6 months of the yr and was actually a normal weight for my height. That didn't matter, to me, I was fat, and D was my cure.

Skim forward a few yrs and I'm in the hospital. My sugar is 1500. I'm getting shots of insulin while I'm sitting at the registration desk at the hospital. Another shot as I ride the elevator up to my room. Oh, lucky me, I get a private room. The girl admitted right before me, should've gotten it, but since she was in a dka coma, well they put her with the 2 yr old (by comparasion her sugar was 900). Dr's are freaking out and I've suddenly become the side-show freak girl who's still walking and talking. I just wanted to eat lunch and would someone please bring me something to drink, dammit!!

I couldn't believe what was happening. I had lost a ton of weight and while I thought I looked great, apparently everyone else thought I had an eating disorder. I had all but forgotten about that night years ago. I had taken the diagnosis in stride. Didn't cry once that first day in the hospital, or the second, or third or even fourth. Not while I was practicing injections on oranges, not while I gave myself that first shot. I didn't cry until my final night in the hospital when I remembered that little girl and her wish. Then I cried and cried and cried. I did this to myself. This was ALL MY FAULT.

Ever since, I've felt like I can't complain about my D. I have to be the "well adjusted", accepting Sarah. The "ya, I've got D, but its really not that bad", "I'm fine" Sarah. This wasn't something that just happened. This was something I willed on myself so I best shut up, put a smile on my face and get on with it.

Fast forward to today, and D is my curse. Since my diagnosis I've gained well over 100 pounds from a combination of lack of exercise, poor food choices, and oh ya a little thing called Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome which causes severe insulin resistance which in turn causes weight gain, which requires more insulin, which leads to more weight gain and up and up goes the scale. And all this time, I've NEVER told anyone about that night so many years ago. And now here I am telling the world my deepest, darkest secret.

Now if I can only hit the publish button.

So what does this mean?

Seeing as how I get an inside scoop on the Healthcare biz, I've had my DH ask around about this new MA Universal Healthcare Plan. Where I was freaking out yesterday, I'm getting mildly less concerned today.

Apparently, according to this Boston Globe article these "universal" plans still cannot bypass the madatory coverages for infertility (and assuming if they have to cover infert, that they'd have to cover diabetes).

What I would give to spend some time with that bill (but I don't think my employer would be too happy with me doing that here ;) ). Not that it would help entirely, since the government still hasn't even seen an actual plan offering from the major insurers.

If they can't charge deductibles, then what in the heck are these plans going to look like? $100 copays for office visits? If that's the case, what's the point of having any insurance if you still can't afford to use it.

Stolen from Six Until Me

Top Five Non-Diabetes Related Websites
www.youtube.com
www.flickr.com
www.connected-moms.com
www.google.com
any site not connected to work - ie any site not related to a utility or utility regulation.

Top Five Reasons You’re Grinning Today
Its almost time to go home
This IM comment from my Assit - "since when are grown adults incapable of sticking a piece of paper in an envelope, putting postage on it and putting it in a basket?"
Other then that, nothing...Blew my blog to bits today and have to start from scratch.

Top Five Uses for Bacon Bits
Salads
Burgers
Potato Salad
Eggs
Cheese Soup!

Top Five Places You Want to Travel To
Australia
Italy
Greece
Germany
Bora Bora

Top Five Guilty Pleasures
Scottsdale, AZ Princess Resort
Warm Chocolate Chip Cookies
Well really ANYTHING chocolate
um, chocolate
and, oh ya, chocolate

New Look

Ok, I've been spending WAY too much time trying to fix the old layout. I've just grabbed any ole template for the time being (since I screwed the old one so badly that it just showed the code instead of my posts and I don't have a backup here at work).

Hoping to redesign my header and color scheme tonight. IE still having issues with the sidebar fonts...sigh.

MA version of S1955

Be afraid, be VERY afraid.

My initial thought, hell my ONLY thought is - What is going to stop EVERY employer from offering these low cost, basically no coverage policies? Or better yet, from just paying the $295/employee penalty for not offering ANY insurance?

Sure there's the "crappy benefits = no qualified person wanting to work for you", but you know what, we all have to work, so the odds are still stacked in the employers favor.

I'm seriously at a loss for words. I don't think I can express my fear of losing pump coverage, insulin coverage, TEST STRIPS!!

In a way, I'm lucky right now. DH works for the health insurance company. They have a vested interest keeping their costs down, which includes keeping me healthy now.

New England - Land of the Schizophrenic Weather

This weekend - 80°' s
Today - 2-5" of F*&^ing snow

and the Sox lost. We must be masochists

'nuff said.

WHy I hate Internet Explorer

Ok, so maybe hate is a strong word, but if any CSS savy person out there can tell my why my sidebar is suddlenly freaking out and getting REAL tiny, I'd be eternally grateful.

I really don't have the patience to learn CSS, although I am getting more adept at it!

Thanks!

17 Months!

Today you turn 17 months!! It's amazing what you learned this month. You're trying to jump. You bounce and bounce and bounce, but those darned feet just refuse to leave the ground. You can now say in addition to momma, dada, doggie, kitty, cheese and juice - bubbles ("baaaabaas"), baby ("bebe"), pepere ("pepay"), please ("pfeas"), cheerios ("cheooos"), "uh-oh", and your favorite mine ("minfs"). EVERYTHING is minfs. Minfs kefs, minfs juz, minfs momma...



You drove me a tad nuts this month too, honey. You again fell in weight percentiles. You're now only in the 3rd. That freaked me out enough to bring you to the Pediatric GI and nutritionist. I couldn't believe my luck, but I was able to get in with both only 2 days after calling instead of months and months later. So far they think you're just a tiny, but healthy thing. We're going to have bloodwork done soon (you're not going to like that!).

You stayed with your Grampy and Uncle Jeff and Aunt Amanda overnight this month. Mommy and daddy had to go to a wedding in CT. They say you were a little angel. I'm still waiting for the true story.

You're a little ham now. You love to get people's attention by running around and then pretending to fall. You generally stop, fall to 1 knee, say "uh-oh", then tumble to your tummy. Sometimes you don't even get to a standing before you're "falling" again.

You're currently on another food strike. The Nutritionist claims that we should offer you supper and leave it at that. She claims one day you will actually eat it, but for now we're happy if you just don't fling it from the highchair. (please honey, you do need to eat SOMETHING! Really honey, most toddlers LOVE cookies and ice cream...give it a try)



We don't take you out to eat anymore. You're just too spirited to be contained by a highchair. You want to get out and explore, Explore, EXPLORE!! I love your spunk and fearlessness. Unlike most toddlers, you're not afraid of new surroundings or people. You may stick close to me at first, but before I can blink you're off exploring! Please don't lose that quest for adventure.

Happy 17 months!
Love, Mommy - whose off to put you and your screaming, crying butt to bed right now.