My Dare-Devil

Toddler play structure? Are you insane? HELL NO!! Give her the chance to maim, maul and generally kill herself, and my daughter will choose it every.single.time.

Terrified

When I was pregnant with A, I was constantly scared that something could go wrong. her cord would wrap around her neck and I would not know it. That because I could not hold her, could not see her, I would not be able to protect her. I longed for her birth day. If I could just hold her in my arms, I could protect her from everything.

I was so very, very wrong. The world is a scary place when your heart walks outside your body, away from you. And news like this does nothing to assuage my anxiety problems. This family's home was invaded by 2 paroled convicts at 3am. They were held hostage, the father brutally beaten, the mother strangled to death. The house was set on fire with the family inside and both daughters died of smoke inhalation.

The randomness of this crime is what terrifies me. How I wish that it would be discovered that the father had shady dealings, or even that he had hired them to assassinate his family. The deaths would be no less tragic, but the randomness would be removed. There would be a reason this happened to THIS family. I don't think this will be the case though. This was random, indiscriminate violence.

These poor girls, aged 11 and 17. They went to bed Monday night most likely thinking of swimming, mall trips and lazy days with friends. Their quiet, safe life, shattered in the middle of the night. Their lives taken from them after hours of terror. The parents. What horror did they witness? Full of knowledge that they could not save them, could not protect them. What is our job as parents, if not to protect our children from everything?

Home invasion has always been my number 1 fear. I do not fear my death. I do not fear public speaking. I was tested with this fear last fall when I returned home from work to find my house had been burglarized. The sanctuary that my home created was shattered. But I survived. No one was home when it happened, no one was hurt. I had THINGS stolen. Only THINGS. THINGS can be replaced, people cannot. It was random, but it was not violent.

The thought of someone randomly picking my house, the place where I should be safe from the outside world, entering it, while we are home and violently terrorizing my family, though, that fear I don't think I will ever be able to release. The thought that this could happen anywhere to anyone. This could have been my neighbor or a friend. This could have been ME. You can't protect yourself from it. You can't prepare yourself for it, so how do you live with it?

I try my best to not let my fear rule me. It is much more difficult this week.

Pottey Training

SUCKS!!!!

Seriously, why is it so freaking difficult???! I've tried to be the calm, cool, collective "It'll happen when she's ready" mom. I haven't forced it, I haven't pushed her into the gosh darn too cute under-roos. We bought her pull-ups, told her only big girls who use the potty get to wear them, and all was right in the world. She was using the potty. ALL.THE.TIME.

Now, not so much. No more peeing on the potty for her. Nada. Nothing. No way, Jose. I had read a tip to put undies on under the pull-up. Makes them feel wetter, gives them the satisfaction of wearing "big girl" pants, without all the puddles. I ended the day with 3 pairs of soaking wet princess pants. UGH!

Do I bite the bullet this weekend and just take the pull-ups away? God, we have a lot of carpet in our house. That just sounds like a recipe for disaster. Do I move her back into diapers and tell her that she can have the big girl pants when she starts using the potty all the time again? DO I do nothing and just keep telling myself that "No one goes off to college in pull ups?"...And then what the hell happens when we move? Am I doing all of this just to be faced with regression? Is it worth the battle right now? Should their even be a battle?

Parenting, its one insanely long exam, that's never graded and the text book is always on back-order. Don't even get me started about pre-school. Can you just say $11,000 ON TOP of daycare. Ok, I'm going to go hyperventilate under my desk for a minute.

Fog

Scene: Car at gas station, rain and heavy fog.
Mom and child (a little over 2.5 years old)

Child: "Mommy - my window broke"
Mom: "No honey, it just has rain on it"
Child: "But I can't see"
Mom: "Because of the water"
Child: "No, I can't see after the water"
Mom: "Oh, that's because its foggy out"
Child: "foggy?"
Mom: "Yes, foggy, see how all the clouds are down with us?"
Child (said dead seriously and a little too grown-up): "Mommy, Let's Get Out of Here!"

Infrared

So I received my shiny, new updated Cozmo pump last night. Grabbed the laptop, and proceed to swear A LOT.

1) CD tray which opens up whenever the hell it feels like it, possessed by unseen forces, open, close, open, close, open, close...REFUSED to open. Downright nasty about it. Rebooted 2x and had to use the special tool (aka paper clip) to force it open.

2) Computer then refused to recognize that there was now a disk in the drive. For 25 minutes. ya, fun. Then decided that what I had really wanted to do was invisibly launch the installer, over and over and over again. It was kind enough to tell me that I could only run one instance of the installer approximately a bazillion times. One.after.the.other.

3) Computer now toying with me. Mocking me. Dangerously tempting me to chuck it out the window. "Infrared port on the front? You want to use THAT? You're shitting me right? You can't use that? THAT'S only for the optional remote control!"...Cause ya, I need a remote to watch a movie on a freakin laptop.

My IR port, purchased specifically for this task of communicating my pump with my computer...That folks, is of course in storage. Not 1 but 2. Yes, I have 2 IR ports, BOTH.IN.STORAGE.

I'm pretty sure it was DH's love for me, but can't rule out his love of the laptop, which prompted him to get in the car, drive to storage (which I am told is probably the scariest place on earth after dark) and retrieve a port from me.

Total time I estimated would be required to program and "go live" with new pump : 1/2 hour, TOPS.

Actual total time required to "go live" : closer to 3.

Mystery

A's had a fever now for about a day an a half. She's miserable. Motrin brings it down toot-sweet, but cracks her out for about 2 hours, then she crash and burns. We just dosed her up and put her to bed at close to 104°. sigh I'm guessing roseola, but gosh darn why can't the tell tale rash appear WITH the fever, instead of after?

Called the Nurse on call and was told to treat at home unless she shows signs of dehydration, if other symptoms appear or if the fever is still present on Thurs. So its a wait and see thing. I don't do well with "waiting" or "seeing". This momma bear needs to know what's up, and needs to knock this virus the hell out of her little cub!

Amtrack should rot in hell

You've got to be shitting me?!?! In what right mind is it ok to drop ANYBODY off in the middle of nowhere???!?! ESPECIALLY if you think they are drunk. These people should be killed. Seriously. I have no pity what-so-ever. What asses. I'm so angry right now, I know I'm not coherent....

Police: Diabetic Man Missing After Being Kicked Off Train

PHOENIX -- A 65-year-old St. Louis man is missing after Amtrak personnel, mistaking his diabetic shock for drunk and disorderly behavior, kicked him off a train in the middle of a national forest, according to police in Williams, Ariz.

# SURVEY: Did Amtrak Do The Right Thing?

Police said Roosevelt Sims was headed to Los Angeles but was asked to leave the train shortly before 10 p.m. Sunday at a railroad crossing five miles outside Williams.
Click here to find out more!

"He was let off in the middle of a national forest, which is about 800,000 acres of beautiful pine trees," Lt. Mike Graham said.

Police said there is no train station or running water at the crossing, which is about two miles from the nearest road, at an elevation of about 8,000 feet.

Amtrak personnel told police dispatchers that Sims was drunk and unruly.

The Sims family said Sims is diabetic and was going into shock.

Sims' brother, Brian Mason, said his family tried to call Sims on his cell phone that night, but Sims was incoherent.

When officers arrived at the crossing, police said, Sims ran into the woods, leaving his luggage and medication behind.

Cell phone records show that Sims' phone was last used in Litchfield Park, Ariz., 180 miles from Williams.

Williams police told CBS 5 that Amtrak has used the abandoned crossing as a drop-off site in the past. Graham said that whether drunk or not, no one should be dropped off there.

"You don't put anyone off in an area like that," Graham said.

Amtrak said the company is looking into the matter.

"I just want to find him," Mason said. "I'm not mad at anybody."

"I want to find a way to make sure he's OK," Mason added.

"Our thoughts and prayers are that there's no way he's out there in those woods," Graham said.

Nomads

I was reminded today at the grocery store with A, that we are Nomads. We had finished a knock-down, drag out shopping trip. The kind that reminds you WHY you don't take a 2 year old shopping. Those trips where kind, grandfatherly looking men LAUGH when your sweet, adorable child decides to take her crocs off and throw them at you, all the while screaming "Help! Help! Help!". The kind of trip where your lips don't move, but you and your child can hear a guttural voice saying "When we get home......." (you can go ahead and fill in the blank....You know where it ends, and if you don't, then you obviously don't have a 2 year old)

Ya, that kind of trip.

After retrieving her crocs from the polar ends of the parking lot (that girl has an arm, thank god she's got no aim!), I opened the trunk to be greeted by ALL of our laundry. All.of.it. We had 2 showings and an open house last week. To make the 1st floor laundry/bathroom appear larger, we've taken to storing the dirty laundry in my trunk. Along with a boppy pillow, my duffel bag for weekend trips and an HD antenna. Eclectic, no?

Could be worse. DH drives around with a bright pink, Princess couch.

Ahhh, selling a house. Gotta hate it.

(If you've got an in with the gods of home sales, can you put in a good word for us?)

Manual Labor

We're almost ready. Almost.

Its been almost 6 weeks, but the end is in sight. We've taken 2 days of the past 2 weeks, working. The deck is clean, the house is clean, the yard is clean, the cellar is clean...

I'm exhausted. I can't move, but we're.almost.done.

House will be on the market hopefully next Wends. We're also looking into a new construction house 2 towns over. Fingers crossed. 1 acre, 1600sqft ranch.

Hopefully things will settle down and my desire to write will return. Right now I'm pretty sure its packed up and gone.

Sorry.

Hello!! Mr. Brown

I have never, EVER been so happy to see the brown UPS truck in my driveway, then I am right now. FINALLY, my quicksets are here. Its been a rough couple days in my neck of the woods.

I've been surviving off of soft-sets. It hasn't been pretty. I've cried, I've sworn, I considered going back to shots. I even broke down and used a comfort set. *shudder*

Friday I put in my last soft-set. UPS tracking software promised me a delivery by Monday. 3 whole days, this set had to last, 3 WHOLE days. 3 hot days, 3 sweaty nights. This wasn't promising. Saturday was great, not an issue in sight. Sunday, mmmmmm, not so much. Sugars creeping up, by Sunday night I was running a temp basal to account for the impaired absorption. Today...Total anarchy. 279, 303, 182, 367. Rage boluses shots galore. Swearing, bitching and oh ya a constantly buzzing pump to tell me its empty.

"HELLO, YES I RECOGNIZE YOUR EMPTY, I'VE SAID "OK" FORTY BAZILLION TIMES NOW. I GET IT, YOU'RE EMPTY"


But now, oh heavenly UPS, I'm in the quickset way again!! I was so excited to get a new set started, there was no countdown, now serter phobia. That sucker get shoved in without thought. Fastest site change I've ever done, hands down.

A Change of Heart

I was a sof-set girl. For 6 years I was a sof-set girl. When we switched insurance back in December 2005, I decided to take a leap of faith and start using quick-sets.

I wasn't entirely found of them. I believe I cursed them, here and here. It took forever to get used to them. I liked the security of covering close to .75 sq/ft of skin in IV3000.

I've been a quickset girl for a year now. Until I got lazy, that is. I let my prescription and authorization slide on the quicksets. I waited until I used my last one before reordering. Now I'm stuck in limbo waiting for the stars to align and my refill to come through.

I'm using my sof-set stash and I.HATE.THEM. I've had 2 "fall out" so far. With all the IV3000, though, I haven't noticed until my teeth pulled on sweaters (yes I'm admitting my testing resolve has gone out the door). Today, I got the joy of inserting a comfort set again in the bathroom at work. Always makes for a great day.

Oh when, oh when will my quicksets come back?

Hoping for a Nano

Enter for a chance to win a Nano iPod for Mother's Day.

Fat Rant - Joy Nash

I need her confidence, her beauty, her radiance. What an amazing attitude!

I try so hard to hide it...

What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?

You will sink in a mire. You like to think you're normal, but deep down you really just want to strip off your clothes and roll around in chicken fat.
Take this quiz!

Shedding

We've started the long, arduous task of "making the house ready to sell". We started with A's room, most specifically her closet. There are now 6 trash bags full of outgrown clothes. I'm heading to Home Wreckers (aka Home Depot) to give the new SpaceSavers Bag tote a try.

It is amazing what happens when you start to look at your house through the eyes of potential buyers. There's the cleaning, that's a given, but then there's the decluttering, the painting, the removal of any trace that people actually live there. I've watched enough Home and Garden TV to know that potential buyers need to be able to "see" themselves living there.

The To-DO list is long and daunting. It makes me want to nap. We forgot to take Before pictures of Ally's room. I'm going to have to remember to do that. Tonight my closet is on the chopping block.

Oh, The Insanity

So we're looking to move. We must be insane. I've found, in the 1 WHOLE week we've been looking, that I'm not cut out for this.

I've given up 3 times already. I've cried twice. This isn't going to be a rosy point in my history. Houses are just ridiculously expensive. Everything we've seen so far is honestly crappier and smaller then what we have now, but priced close to $100,000 more and there in lies a problem. Why spend more, when we are getting significantly less?

The dilemma, we have no room. We are busting at the seams. And oh, ya there was that little break-in issue last fall. I still strain to see our side door every time I pull onto our street. We need want to move Ally into a nicer area. Maybe even one that has some kids her age. An area where we are serenaded by crickets and toads, fireflies and starlight, not police sirens and traffic lights.

Our My problem. I want the house hunting and moving to be over YESTERDAY. I have no patience. I hate the thought of house hunting, bargaining, making offers and waiting to see if they're accepted.

Its going to be a loooooooooong spring and summer.

Removing Vongo - Take 3

I received this comment last night from Richard Brownrigg:

"Floreksa,

I am the VP of Technology for Starz Entertainment and my team built Vongo. I am sorry that you have had a difficult consumer experience with Vongo on your HP.

I appreciate you offering me a forum to correct a few of the statements in your blog with some additional insights. While I appreciate and sympathize with your frustration and displeasure, without this additional context, I feel the statements posted here are inaccurate and unfair.

There are a number of items you reference from other sites and just like those sites, had you contacted us, we could have explained what the issue was and how it happened. Thank you for letting me do it here.

I am not here to argue the point of whether or not software should be preinstalled on an OEM PC. I am going to address what happen with the installation of Vongo on the HP laptops.

We built Vongo using what I thought to be enterprise grade tools and components (which should mean superior performance for consumers). Two of those tools were from Macrovision – InstallShield and Software Update Services. The Software Update Services tool has issues with its architecture. Macrovision engineers have admitted responsibility to us for this, but unfortunately they can not give an update to us at this time

Here is what happened.

HP decided to install software from Sonic and us. We both use the Macrovision’s InstallShield and Software Update Services. Sonic was installed first on the HP laptops followed by Vongo. During the installation of Vongo, the Macrovision InstallShield failed to see that another version of the Macrovision Software Update Services was installed on the machine and proceeded to overwrite some of the Software Update Services components.

If the user never tires to uninstall Vongo everything is fine. It is when someone tries to remove Vongo that the problem occurs and the same problem would happen if the user tried to uninstall Sonic, which they probably won’t since it is the CD / DVD burning software.

This might be a bit complex, but the problem is with the InstallShield Uninstall and the Software Update Services. When the consumer uses the Macrovision Uninstall routines to uninstall an application that installed the application and the Macrovision Software Update Services, the uninstaller ONLY uninstalls the software and not the associated registry settings and components of the Software Update Services. There are over 100 registry entries that are written but the installation of the Software Update Service will NEVER be removed.

So, in a nutshell, since the Vongo InstallShield installation overwrote some of the components of the Software Update Services that Sonic installed, the Software Update service thinks the Vongo install is broken and it tries to repair it by reinstalling Vongo.

Again, we have tried to work with Macrovision to fix the problem, but Macrovision indicates that there is not a way for them to remedy the situation because of the complex nature of how they install the Software Update Services. This could have happened to any program using Installshield/Software Update Services and unfortunately we just so happened to be the one whose service was primarily affected. Unfortunately you are a consumer who was impacted by this as well and for that I apologize, but I do feel incumbent to at least share with you and your readers what exactly happened here and the story as to why it happened.

We have temporary “work arounds” on our web site, which I can understand does not address the long term issue, but it is all we can do at this time.

As far as the long-term steps that we have taken,

1) We have also decided to drop the use of all Macrovision products form our code base. With the March release, we no longer use the Software Update Services, and in the summer we will drop the InstallShield tools altogether as well.

We also do not delete any programs or invoke any DLLs other than ours, and we do not hijack any running process. Yes, our service uses port 2005 to communicate out bound to our services, but we do not hide it. We actually tell users what ports we use and how to configure their firewalls to support it.

So, you can see why categorizing us as “spyware” is antithetical to everything that I have done in designing and crafting my service.


Thanks for reading. "

If this is all true, VONGO and HP should have been MUCH MORE forthcoming with this information. Google "Removing Vongo" and my blog, PRIMARILY about Type 1 diabetes and motherhood is the number 5 hit, behind 3 other blogs and CNET. I get more hits per day from my 2 other entries regarding Vongo, then I get from my "regular" readers. Nowhere does Vongo's site show up in that Google search.

If this is true, WHY has it taken Vongo so long to make any sort of effort to rebute what has been said, over and over and over again? And where is HP in all of this?

I find it AMAZINGLY frustrating that not a SINGLE person at HP EVER relayed this information. Their "stock" response has always been to just "delete it in safe mode" and act surprised when it doesn't work.

Personally, as a "computer techie" I can understand the intricacies of programming and the seemingly endless possibilities for programs to unexpectedly "go bad" because of issues with other software. I almost feel sorry for Vongo. Almost.

As a consumer, this has probably been one of the most frustrating experiences ever. Regardless of who is at fault, I still want Vongo off of my computer.


Take it or leave it, folks, but at least we have an answer.

CGMS

I want one. NOW! I don't know which though. I'm fairly positive I could present myself as a "test" case for the insurance (and that they love DH enough to let me...but you never know).

Anywhoo. I want one, but I have no idea which one. I don't have any cozy feelings with MiniMed, but if that's the best, I'd push for it. I've heard good things about DexCom, but also that their PC software sucks the big one. Abbott is a crap shoot as its still awaiting approval - AND it needs FreeStyle strips which are a 3rd tier drug for me.

I'm so confused. So if you've got a CGMS, sell me on your brand. If you hate it, tell me that too. If you think CGMS is a waste altogether, bring it on! LOL I need the good, the bad and the ugly.

Anger Management

The current award for "Most Bizarre Google Search Leading to My Blog":

"elmo's slicing their throat"

This post of mine came up as the #5 hit. Be afraid, be very, very afraid.

I don't even want to hazard a guess as to what this person was actually looking for.

Removing Vongo - take 2

This is the best explanation that I've seen so far regarding WHY Vongo is IMPOSSIBLE to uninstall completely.

(taken from Vinny Carpenter's blog in the comments section)



“Because it uses special encryption software to keep buyers from pirating the movies, Vongo must run at all times. That’s why the software installs those iron-clad anti-removal barriers that makes it reinstall itself whenever a user removes it using the Add or Remove Programs Control Panel available under the Start menu.”

and...


"According to a few anti-virus sites, Vongo is spyware. Only HP and Vongo seem to be denying this. Here’s the reason sites say this based on activity analysis of what Vongo is doing:

Known activities:

installs programs
deletes programs
invokes dll components
communicates with websites using httpout protocols
hijacks running processes
hides outbound communications

Perhaps the most worrisome is that there is a “strong possibility of keystroke logging” taking place.

This article confirms that pre-installed Vongo cannot be removed from an existing system unless a clean copy of the OS is installed."

To add to the fun, HP supposedly DOES NOT have "clean" copies of the OS. So if you have a laptop and go out and buy a clean version, you're going to spend hours hunting for the HP specific drivers to run your laptop.

At this point, my advice:

1) if you just bought the laptop/desktop - RETURN IT. Buy a different brand. I can no longer recommend HP because of this fiasco.

2) if you can't return it - follow the instructions here . Vongo will still be there, but at the very least you shouldn't be bothered by install errors. If you are going to need multiple "new users" created, make sure to create the default user profile.

3). I personally believe a Class Action suit should be brought against Vongo and HP. I paid for ALL of the resources on my laptop, and Vongo is taking some from me.

Hold tight

I'm not even sure words can express my anger and utter heartache right now. An internet friend lost her sweet, little girl Sunday night, suddenly, unexpectedly. I can't even imagine what her life is like at the moment.

I find I don't even want to try to imagine.
The thought is too numbing.

Please, hug your children today. Find the good through all the bad. Cherish every laugh, smile, word. Tuck them in, kiss them, hug them. Tomorrow may never come.

Questions from julia

1. What does blogging do for you?
When I started I didn't think it would "do" anything for me. I thought that I was funny and that people would trip over one another to read my blog (ok kidding). I was really just looking for a way to write about Ally so that I'd have some sort of record of her life (her baby book is dismally empty). Then I found the OC and the blog changed direction. It allowed me to open up my frustrations regarding T1 to a group that understood. It also lead to better A1c's, my 1st ever participation in "the walk" and a better appreciation of myself as a person with T1.

I desperately NEED to get back to blogging. In retrospect, blogging was therapeutic. I let life get in the way, though. I was busy helping to get the forum up and running and before I knew it months passed and I hadn't said a word. Its funny how something that came so naturally for so long was quickly gone. I find myself starting post after post, but failing to write anything of merit, I'd just delete it.

I need to come back.


2. Do you have any tattoos? If so, what of and what do
they represent? If not, would you?
No tattoos. WAY.TOO.PERMANENT. I couldn't do it. I have trouble enjoying something for a week, never mind the rest of my life. If I did get one, I'm not really sure what it would be. I'm corny enough to get a small Mickey Mouse (I was going to marry him when I was 3) or maybe a small Kermit the Frog, hidden on my shoulder or the small of my back. Wish I had some profound, earth-shattering symbol, but nope.

3. If you could live anywhere else in the world,
where would that be?

As much as I gripe about Winter, I don't think I would enjoy an area without 4 seasons. I'd want to say somewhere romantic like Paris or Rome, but honestly, outside of Canada, I've never left the US, so I have no idea if I'd truly be happy there.

I LOVED Alaska, but there's no way I could handle the winters or the hummingbird sized mosquitoes. Maybe Australia? But again, with the whole, I've never even been there.

Probably makes me boring but I really do LOVE the area I'm in. Do I love exactly where my house is, not really. I want to move to the "fringe" rural areas, maybe outer Westfield, Southwick, Southampton or Granby. Somewhere were I could feel secluded, but have every major convenience within a 20 minute drive.

4. Name five celebrities you'd like to invite over
for dinner - they all have to come at the same time.
And what would you serve them?

Oh, boy
1) Angelina Jolie - I think she can be beyond bizarre, but I love the "activist" in her. I think she could inspire me to get involved.
2) Kirstie Alley - Anyone who can be that open about their weight (whether they initially wanted to or not) AND wear a bikini on Oprah is worth my time.

Going to step out of reality with the next two.

3) Walt Disney and 4) Jim Henson - I truly believe these men were "in it" only for the pure satisfaction of entertaining children and making the world a better place. Maybe my rose colored glasses are a little too dark, but I want to meet them to find out.

5) Clive Owen - purely for the eye candy ;)

What would I serve? Hmmm. I've never been a "formal, sit down" kind of girl. I'm thinking an outdoor "lobster boil" at night. Lobsters and steamers, grilled salmon and sea scallops. Grilled corn on the cob, zucchini, portobello mushrooms, eggplant, tomatoes, leeks and peppers. Sliced potatoes with onions, cole slaw (oh, great I'm hungry now). For dessert, homemade vanilla, chocolate banana or chocolate peanut better ice creams and then s'mores.

5. What's your favourite thing to do on a rainy day?
With kids and without kids.

By myself - snuggle up with a good book and just let the day lazily pass by. If its summer and a good thunderstorm, I LOVE sitting out on the porch at our cottage watching it.

With Ally - I have to admit, I absolutely LOVE lying in bed with her watching a movie. After that though, I'd have to get out of the house and head somewhere, anywhere, which generally means the Mall or Yankee Candle.

Taken from Kassie

THE SEVEN THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE (not necessarily in this order)
1. Cruise the Greek Isles
2. See my kids into adulthood
3. Improve my photography skills
4. Sell a portrait that I've taken
5. Become "untethered"
6. Quit my job
7. Live on a horse farm (I have no idea why, but I REALLY want to live on a farm).

SEVEN THINGS I CANNOT DO
1. Clean
2. Write Poetry
3. Be Mean for the sake of it
4. Apparently keep up with this blog
5. Quit my job
6. Cook if the kitchen is a mess
7. Wear heels - unlike Kassie, I could careless about height, I just can't walk in them :)

SEVEN THINGS THAT I FIND ATTRACTIVE OTHERS (in no particular order)
1. Humor
2. Kindness
3. Patience
4. Honesty
5. Being able to laugh at themself
6. Loving
7. Nice looking arms ;)

SEVEN THINGS I'VE BEEN KNOWN TO SAY
1. "What the..........!!!!!!!!!!"
2. "Crapity"
3. "Pick that up! Now!"
4. "What's the Rule Ally? No picking and no...?"
5. "Crappity, crap-crap" (do you see a theme here?)
6. "WHATcha doooo-in?"

SEVEN BOOKS I'VE READ AND RECOMMEND TO OTHERS

1. Dances with Wolves - Michael Blake
2. The Oxbow Incident - Walter Van Tilburg Clark
3. Pudd'nhead Wilson - Mark Twain
4. A Passage to India - E.M. Forster
5. Eyes of the Dragon - Stephen King
6.I.am.so.pathetic Those are all books I've read YEARS ago, but the only ones I can remember REALLY loving.
7.

SEVEN FAVORITE MOVIES (no particular order)
1. Mr. & Mrs. Smith (so bad, yet soooooooooooooo good!)
2. The Princess Bride
3. Chitty-Chitty, Bang-Bang
4. Auntie Mame (with Rosalind Russel)
5. The Last Unicorn
6. Turner & Hooch
7. Muppets Christmas Carol / Grinch / Rudolph

Couldn't Resist

One of Ally's favorite skits on Sesame Street has been the alphabet done with a ballerina (ballerino - what the heck do you call a male ballerina?). She LOVES it. Its the only time I hear her attempt to say the alphabet.

I caught this the other day:

......And I'm Back!

Things have been incredibly busy here at Casa de Sarah.

Like I've said, I've been helping set up a new Mommy Forum called Mommy-Zone and can I just say that it ROCKS!!! We're really taking off to. Over 600 members and the site's been live for only a week now. Its been a lot of work though, and still more to come.

On the D front, I got my a1c back - 7.2% Not as great as I'd like, but still better then I've ever done none pg. I owe that all to the D blog world! Seriously, before I started this blog, 8% was my "normal". Since blogging, <7.5% has been my "normal". Sure some could say that its the residual pregnancy regime that's still with me. I can honestly say "uh NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" to that one! I fell so hard and so fast from the preg regime that I'm pretty sure if someone had done an A1c during the 1st 9 months after Ally, I'd have been in the 10's%.

Nope, my D control can be 100% linked to the community here. You all inspire to keep on top of things, to test and just to be "aware" of my D.

I thank you for that!

Been gone for so long!

Whew, just realized that I've been completely neglecting this blog. Shame on me!

I've been up to my armpits in phpBB. I'm helping to set up a forum and am the "technical" person. Scary thought. Actually it all seems very straightforward, but still new, so been doing tons of research.

Other then that, I'm getting the cold from hell. A's finished off her 10 day round of Augmentin and I'm pretty sure her ear is re-infecting as we speak, so it looks like tubes for her soon. I was actually afraid she had croup the other night. She "barked" once, but that seemed to be it.

Other then that, not much else to report here. Sorry for the incredibly boring post.

A god somewhere is crapping on me

Seriously, I'm tired of this shit.

A's got pink eye in BOTH eyes. That's the "good" news of the Ped visit.

The bad is that it's probably from the RAGING EI in her right ear. So bad that the drum is bulging and probably will burst today. GRRRR...Ya, I know I mentioned she might have had an EI...Most honestly, she mentioned her ear hurt just.that.one.day!

And now, while I can post....I can't get to my blog. I get an error EVERY TIME.

If you can read this post, please comment.

Is my UltraSmart dying?

So we all know I was 523 last night (yikes!). I raged bolused like no ones business. Seriously, I took enough to kill some people, 45 units, broken into 2 different shots.

1 hour later my UltraSmart read 532. WTF?!!!!!!!!!!

I test again - 437

I test again - 402

Within 1 minute my meter ranged over 103 points. Technically, I believe that that is still within the 20% range (or just slightly higher), but honestly, what if I took the 532 at face value, assumed my insulin was bad, switched out and injected MORE insulin?

As it was I was 142 2 hours later, and 46 2 hours after that. I shudder to think what would have happened if the little voice in my head hadn't said "NO WAY man, test again, NO WAY did you go UP."

Its also really beginning to bother me that I've had 2 RIDICULOUS highs in the past 2 weeks and I didn't feel that sick with them. I was fine. Oh sure my mouth was drier then a desert, but I wasn't the "holy crap, I'm dying of the flu" sick that I normally am.

Ugh.

I really think I'm going to push for a CGMS. I'm hopefully that I can get it pushed through insurance (its nice having a good "in" with them).

What me, stress??

Grampa still in hospital...

Possibility that my cousin has a cancerous tumor in her leg that the local Drs won't touch with a 10ft pool, so she has to wait until later this week to see a Dr in Boston...

2 yr old another possible ear infection + really mucousy, wet cough. Thoughts of the pneumonia that is spreading like wildfire through the kids around here...

Dishwasher full of water. Water not leaving. FIL coming over tomorrow to look. Possibilities - clogged hose (doubtful, we already looked). Crapped out solenoid which opens the drain (sounding like the winner), something else?...Chance of FIL trying to fix solenoid of dishwasher that is louder then an F-7, instead of just letting us buy a damn new one that will be QUIET - close to 100%

Dishes covering ever square inch of the kitchen because of said water issue.

Me, I'm feeling a tad frayed, a little buzzy, slightly fuzzy. Wait, crap, I better test.

534

I can't catch a freaking break.

I.WANT.A.DEXCOM

Prayers and Positive Thoughts Requested

My grandfather had triple by-pass surgery done about a week ago. I didn't write about it, but at the time it was a shock. He had gone to the hospital with chest pains. The smaller hospital here decided that he needed angioplasty and sent him to the larger hospital. Turns out it was much, MUCH worse and he actually needed quadruple bypass.

During the surgery, it was decided that because of his age and the increased chance of stroke, they only bypassed 3.

He had been doing AMAZINGLY well. So much so he was transferred out of Cardiac ICU days before schedule, and was actually transferred back to the smaller hospital earlier this week for some rehab before being sent home.

We've just gotten a call that he is being rushed back to the larger hospital. That he may have pneumonia and that "something may have come loose". I know so little right now that I'm going crazy and trying not to cry at my desk is requiring me to hold my breath.

Please pray for my grandfather.

Cozmo Upgrade

I'd been wondering where the "letter" that I was going to get about Cozmo upgrade was. So I went to their webpage to chat with a Rep. They actually have an online form setup to request the upgrade.

As a public service ;) Here it is

http://www.cozmore.com/default.cfm?PID=1.45

Bribery....Its a good thing

So I had the day from hell today. Just one of those, no matter which way you turn the work piles up and not a single phone call has good news. Where the stress is so bad it honestly hurts. Your jaw, your shoulders, your back...

Then I go and pick up a SCREAMING child who does not want to go home with me. Grrr-F'ing-eat! I cracked. It was either cry right there at the daycare providers home, runaway never to pick A up again, or bribe her. I bribed. A's been asking for "schobby foo". We couldn't figure out what in the heck she was saying. I figured it out yesterday... "Schobby foo, schobby foo Where ARE you?" Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhh.

So ya, I promised her some Scooby Doo. I stopped at Blockbuster and bought her a movie. It bought me 1 hour of pure silence.



In other news DON'T EVER SIGN UP WITH LOWERMYBILLS.COM
Up to 4 lenders MY ASS. At last count, I've been contacted by 12, yes 12 different lenders (update - its 14 now). Do you have any idea how many phone calls per night that is?!?!?!?!?!?! Seriously. Way.too.many.

Of course in my infinite wisdom, I put the phone on Do Not Disturb. I thought I was oh, so smart. HA. I'll let you in on the punchline now, but when a person leaves a voicemail on my VOIP line instead of my actual answering machine, it makes the phone ring, just 1 annoying time.

I forgot about this.

Swearing, lots of it when my phone rang 1 annoying time, every 10 minutes. WTF?! All I can think is WHY IN THE HELL would they program a phone to ring 1 time every time someone calls when its on DND....AND WHY ARE THEY STILL CALLING?
DH was about ready to shot me with a bazooka and had me shut DND off, only the phone kept ringing 1 annoying time. It took me over an hour to figure it out. Not good times.

Add to the fact that blogger is F'ing with me and its been one hell of a day.

Removing Vongo Installer

Ok, for those of you out there trying to get rid of the dreaded Vongo crap that's come installed on your HP computer. Here's the trick that worked for me.

Make sure to remove all files and folders related to Vongo (most likely they're gone if you used the Uninstall feature).

Now you have to run the Windows Installation Cleanup Utility, this will remove the registry entries for the Software.

You can download the Utility from the given below link:

http://download.microsoft.com/download/e/9/d/e9d80355-7ab4-45b8-80e8-983a48d5e1bd/msicuu2.exe

You will see an instance of Vongo. Highlight and remove it. So far its been working for me.

You'll see other sites that tell you to mess with C:\Program Files\Common Files\InstallShield\UpdateService\isuspm.exe. This is NOT a fix to your problem. It shuts down the InstallShield completely and it will no longer search for updates for other products that may use the same updater. Basically its like permanently removing the waterline to your house to stop a leak under the sink. The program itself is not critical to your computer, and will stop Vongo from trying to reinstall itself, but I'd much rather fix the true problem, then mask it.

Why Today?

Today started off fine. Heck I didn't even mind coming into to work. Get here and WOW do I have to pee. Hmm, that's weird I can normally go pretty much all day without visiting the ladies room. 1 hour later for a return trip.

Something's up. I can't be high though. No cotton mouth, no sweater-y teeth, no brain fog. I feel just fine.

442 - HoOOOoooo-ly SHIT!

Take a massive rage bolus injection. 1 site could not handle what I just separated into 3 jabs.

Well that was uncalled for. Trip back to the ladies room to look at site. Site that is now almost 100% out AND bleeding like a sieve. Lovely.

Back to desk, retrieve last Comfort set from desk and begin the non-unto awkward task of putting in a site at work, a Comfort no less, with its big scary needle that I'm suppose to somehow just poke into me, like its nothing. Have you seen the size of that needle? Really, have you?!?! And its not like you can just not look and jab away because it has to go in at a 45 degree angle and seriously how do you judge 45 degrees when you're looking down and using your thigh?

What happens? You ask...The sticky part in the back is almost 100% stuck to itself, so the only thing holding it down at the moment is the front part and a wee little corner in the back.

I'm not...I'm not....I'm not...Crap, don't you just hate it when your grasp of the English language suddenly flies out the door. Seriously, I can't think of the word I want. I'm not optimistic(YAY!) that its gonna hold.

Ok, I guess I do have a bit of brain fog, and ya, teeth are pulling on a sweater as we speak. Would also explain the nice dry cough I've got going on suddenly.

Off to down one of the 5 gallon water jugs.

But I'm not dead yet!

I'm very, very close to it though.

My body has be ransacked. It all started on a fateful Sunday. You see A, A decided that she was going to reinfect her right ear and not wanting the other to feel left out, allowed the infection to spread across her skull to the other side too. This of course all happened AFTER the Ped's after hours. Nurse on call said to use "Olive oil drops" Ya, right

Sunday morning we were at the Ped's FOR.AN.HOUR. at which point I must've picked up Black Death. It started Sunday night.

Now I had already resigned myself that I would be using one of my 4, yes 4! sick days on Monday to care for Ally, little did I know that 2 more would be tacking themselves on. Lets just say I made frequent trips to the ladies Room.

Monday morning, I sent DH on his way, plopped Ally in front of the tv and crawled onto the couch. By 11:30am, I had DH heading home because I was now incapable of caring for anything more demanding then a pet rock.

Tuesday was no better. Wednesday I dragged my sorry self to work, which was a mistake. Thursday I was pretty sure my stomach was attempting to eat itself and today, well, today I've been hit by a Mac Truck, but I think I'll live.

I had a stomach bug AND the flu. TOGETHER. AT.THE.SAME.TIME Fever, chills, aches and pains, trips to the Ladies Room, coughing, sneezing (which caused gagging), running nose, lord help me! Calgon, could not take that away.

I think I'm on the downside now. I pray I'm on the downside now, because honestly, I can't go on like this much more.

Oh, ya puking + constant low blood sugar = NOT FUN

Grading the Mom

I often obsess wonder if I am somehow failing A in our "teaching" of her.

Should I be buying DVD's that claim to have her reading by 3? Should I be worried that every color is purple right now and ABC's and counting to 5 only occur if she's repeating what I say? That I'm not even sure if she has the concept of shapes, never mind the names? That she prefers a good, cuddle-time "rocka" (rocking) to a bedtime story and that I oblige her with it. Should I really be forcing the 1 millionth reiteration of Good Night Moon instead?

Each day I read posts by mom's who guise their brags in the form of an "Is this normal?" post.

My child can draw circles, squares and elephants,recite the alphabet, knows all his colors in English, Spanish and French, including chartreuse. He's 14 months old. Is this normal?"

Well, crap if it is, then my daughter is destined to be featured on Dirty Jobs.

Am I missing something, here? My daughter plays, says "No" relentlessly often and picks her nose. She chases the cats and purposely falls off the couch. She hits herself, then asks for a kiss for the boo-boo. She cooks with every piece of Tupperware I own and eats "doc ducks" (hot dogs). She colors, sometimes even in her coloring books, and cares for her baby's by stealing all of their "dubbys"(pacifiers)for her own personal use.

Should I be grilling my daughter each night after work with flashcards and electric shocks? Isn't Sesame Street enough? Cause really, if I'm watching all this Elmo for no reason, I'm turning Mr. and Mrs. Smith back on. There's a life lesson for A. Women can be beautiful, rich AND hired assassins, just like men.

Honestly its the bigger concepts we're trying to teach A. Things like emptying the dishwasher and washing the car. Laundry will have to wait until she's a little taller older. These are the important lessons. Cause really, why have children if not for the free labor?

Let them eat......Bread!

Yum! Yum! And so darn easy!



Oh, the smell, the wonderful smell!



Crispy crust, airy texture....drool

Why I love my job - OR - A Day in the Life of the Hell That I Live

Ok, just need to freak for a second.

Background - Today is my assistant's last day. I was planning on taking her to lunch as her "goodbye" since this company thinks that you're committing Treason if you ever leave for greener pastures. Boss decides that he wants to get her a cake (which is shocking, but he's only being this generous because she's moving, not just up and leaving) and he'll have Wife pick it up (he does not tell me. HR tells me this). He doesn't tell said Wife anything about it, either. I ask/remind her yesterday. She flips out because Boss never mentioned it to her. I try to stay completely out of it, while dodging the shrapnel (she's pissed off as it is because Boss has her covering the phones while my sister is on Maternity - that's a WHOLE other story, but can I just say LEARN HOW TO TRANSFER INTO VOICEMAIL!!!!).

Fast-forward to today...

Boss's Wife comes to me after lunch saying that she has the cake and she's going to go get it out of the car, but then she pulls out attitude because SHE:

"shouldn't be the one doing this"

and that there were

"6 other people who quit and we didn't do anything for them"

and that SHE

"shouldn't have been the one responsible for getting the cake"

and that if

"you people want to do stuff like this then YOU need to do it on our own".

(like nails on a chalk board when she says that to customers..."You people owe us money"...)

WHOA, take a step back before I put you in your place!!!!!!!!!!!!

First off, HONEY! - YOUR HUSBAND, the BOSS, told HR that HE wanted to get a cake for my Assistant. HR told him that he SHOULDN'T because it sets a precedent and unless he's going to do it for everyone, he shouldn't do it for anyone. He announced that he was anyway and that Wife would get it.

2nd - NO ONE ASKED ME and I'm her Boss! If you asked me, all this trouble could've been avoided.

Now she's throwing all this attitude at me today. BULLSHIT. She bought a freaking tiny cake, She wants nothing to do with it, HR wants nothing to do with it and I have NO FREAKING CLUE what to do with it. I can't tell everybody to come because there's not enough cake, but there's WAY too much for just Me, Assistant, 2nd Assistant and replacement person.....UGH! I was just going to take her to lunch, easy-peasy, no one else the wiser, good-bye, good luck.

Don't even get me started on Boss's Wife's feelings on "going away parties".

I'm a moron

I've been freaking out. My counter has registered 0 hits for 2 days now. I suddenly thought that everyone hated me. I couldn't believe the speed at which I went back to that shy girl in High School who thought nobody cared about what she said.

Um, ya...No Sarah! Heck you got comments yesterday! That should have tipped me off.

I forgot to put the meters back up on the new template. Oopsie. They're back. Now I can go back to my regularly scheduled mania over whether my daily hits stay around my average daily hits...LOL

New Low

I don't know if its the end of the year blahs, my depression returning, or just my plain, deep-seated annoyance and hatred of work, but I actually went out to lunch and ate by myself today. It was LIBERATING (if not a little bit embarrassing).

I've seen others eat by them self, never giving it another thought, but usually they have a newspaper, book or work with them. Not me! I just sat there, me, myself and I.

A lump on a log, loser, but you know what? It sure as hell beat staying at work!

This morning I had the grand pleasure of cleaning out the fridges at work. NOT.PLEASANT There was a horrid smell that would penetrate the entire kitchen every time one of the doors would open. I found:
1) a bottle of cream which expired Nov 2.
2) Salad which had lost its solid form and was now a liquefied bag of green jelly.
3) a petrified donut
4) Beef and Broccoli, only it wasn't the broccoli that was green (it had taken on a lovely poop brown color). I'm pretty sure it was alive and pissed at me.

The scent was so horrid I came dangerously close to adding my own "personal" blend to the mix. Nasty, and I shouldn't have had to deal with it, but I did, just like I do with everything else.

Messing Around

I'm updating my template, so please excuse the mess. Hoping to piece everything back together this afternoon.

Can anyone tell my why my stupid bloglines roll isn't working?

Merry Christmas!!

Since I can't possibly send each and every one of my cyber-friends a Christmas Card, I'll just post it here for all to enjoy!

Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Happy Kwanza
Merry Festivus

Whatever you celebrate (or not) I hope that you have a great weekend and a wonderful Monday!

Christmas Card 2006, originally uploaded by floreksa.

Damn Germs

So A's still sick and has added a whopper of an ear infection to her cold. 10 out of a 10 the Ped said. Grrrrr-eat! I've apparently stuck my head in mud because I can't hear, and every time I swallow my ears pop. JOY.

Not much has been happening that has been post worthy. Its still absolutely freezing at work. I've been told that the "furnace is broken" and "we haven't had time to fix it"....Um, HELLO, December here. We're in New England. It ain't gonna get warmer out! Whatever. I'm now wearing a thermal tank top, sweater and sitting on top of my electric heater (which isn't on HIGH). So I'm ok, the rest of the bastards who don't complain can freeze.

In one of my Mom's groups there been a thread about this bread recipe from the NYTimes. I've been DYING to try it. Finally going to give it a go starting on Friday, so that we can have some nice, crusty bread at dinner on Sat.

I've even created life out of flour and water! Bwha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa I created a sour dough started and shit if it didn't actually work! It did take 2 tries as DH threw the first attempt out at the end of day 2, not knowing that the pancake looking batter that smelt slightly beer-y SHOULD be there. But, he was informed and I've had an awesome 2nd try which has been growing amazingly well. Can't wait to use it in the bread!

Well I guess that's it. Nothing Shakespearian from me today. Sorry.

And its done

I'm 30. I did it, I turned 30. It was pretty painless. I think it happened sometime early this morning. I didn't wake up when it happened. It just sort of happened.

30 should be one of those birthday's where the entire day is a gimme!

Gimme a day off! PAID
Gimme a shopping spree!
Gimme a day with no screaming, sick, crying, whining, clinging toddler!
Gimme a stress free, fun filled day!
Gimme a day off of diabetes, with effortless, awesome bgs.

Its not though.

So I'm at work (freezing!). I'm broke (I won't even get into the "Shit on Sarah" financial week I've been having). A is still sicker then sick and INCREDIBLY whiny this morning. As noted above, I'm at work, so that whole stress free thing, ya that's not happening and I'm currently running a horrendous 214!

So I guess "Happy Birthday to Me!" and TGIF!

WTF

There are seriously days when I wonder why I work where I work. Ok most days I wonder that, but this past week....Geez

Monday, I had the day from hell.
* A woke up sick. I drugged her and sent her off to daycare, being the caring mother that I am who is also out of paid time off. I get 2 weeks vacation and 4 personal days. I've worked here, full time, since 1999. 7.5 yrs and I still only have 2 weeks vacation!
* I realized AFTER I got to work, that my pump was just about bone dry and the bottle of insulin in my pocketbook was even drier. Driving home at lunch took my entire lunch, so I skipped lunch.
* I had the mother of headaches brewing (got another one today, I swear its this place!)
* and the piece de resistance - got to work and there was.no.heat. Zip, zero, zilch. Somehow the utility had screwed up our gas line. It was absolutely freezing. Did we go home? NOooooooooooOOOOOOOoooo, I was handed a small, portable heater and told not to put it on high. The scary thing. NO ONE NOTICED UNTIL 9am! We froze our asses off for over an hour (technically longer since some people come in for 6am) before people began to notice that it was NOTICEABLY colder then normal.

Somehow my boss thinks its perfectly normal to see people wearing their coats, INDOORS, while working. This has been my only "real" job out of college, so I don't know. Is this normal? Every morning I come in and promptly put on my big fleece coat and wear it. ALL.DAY.LONG. It doesn't come off until its time to go home.

I'm NOT a tiny person. I've got fat on my fat, so there's plenty insulation on me. Its just constantly freezing here. We play the thermostat game. One of us bumps up the setting, then we all take bets as to when "the man" sets it back down. I've even ask him for "another coal for the fire, sir?" He laughs.

Its not funny.

2 days left of 20's

I'm turning 30. How the hell did that happen? I distinctly remember turning 18 and then turning 25, but 26, 27, 28 and 29...Where did those years go? Does 30 mean that I have to actually be an adult now, because I'm not ready to grow up. I'm still not sure what I want to be.

In all honesty, I haven't given 30 much thought. Somehow it really doesn't seem to be the big deal that some people make it out to be. I mean really, will I be all that different Friday morning, then I was Thursday night?

I'm pretty sure that we are going out to my favorite restaurant Friday night to celebrate...Zoe's Fish and Chop House...YUMMY. I've already planned my menu. Some Main crab cakes and coconut battered shrimp for starters, surf and turf (filet mignon and stuffed shrimp), salad bar and baked potato and then Chocolate Lovin Spoon Cake. drooling already. Insulin will be bolused like its going out of style, but I.Don't.Care.

Is it Friday yet?

How Sesame Street has touched me today

I don't think I can adequately express how much I REALLY like this song!

Let the season of sharing begin

And it has started. I foolishly thought last week that we were in the clear. It was December, by god, and she was still healthy, still disease free. I flaunted it. I tempted fate and laughed in its face. I mean really, by this time last yr, I was pretty sure the wrath of baby germs would burn our house to the ground, or at the very least open a time portal to the 3rd circle of hell.

I shouldn't have been so arrogant. Those germs, they're sneaky. They wait in hiding, until just the right moment. Apparently yesterday was a good moment. A pulled out her sexy, I just finished 6 packs of Cools mom, voice. She looked like the puppies at the Pet Store in the Mall. She was laying it on thick. She even begged for a nap at daycare.

Today, fever of 101 and I'm taking yet another unpaid day off to watch Dora - oh how I despise Dora. The last thing I want is my daughter to grow up thinking she needs help with EVERYTHING she is going to try to do.

While I have no symptoms, I must be feverish too, as I stupidly thought that I would take this opportunity, this time when A IS SICK to wash her blankie. What the hell is wrong with me? I told her the blankie needed a bath. So now not only do I have a sick child whining for her blankie, but one who is also whining for a bath of her own. Not my brightest parenting moment.

Aw, gosh...LOL

my thanks to Allison!

nanowrimo

Well, I did better then I thought, but no where even close to goal.

First off, please go give Kerri huge congrats for finishing.

Me, a measly 7,843 words.

I do like my story though. Its not exactly where I started out, and quite honestly I have to go back and rewrite the first 2,000 words since they no longer make any sense with the last 5,000, but I did enjoy the experience. Its the most ambitious writing I've ever done (hey, I was an Econ major for crips-sake!). Give me numbers ANY day! LOL

The scary thing, NaNoWriMo, is that I'll be back. I WILL hit 50,000 at least once. Maybe not next year (I'm praying there will be a newborn in my arms by then), but soon.

Anyone got packing peanuts?

Found the perfect solution to all my 2 yr old troubles...................


UPS!!!!



Sign, sealed, delivered! She'll be at my mom's sometime on Tuesday.




I suppose I'll miss the smile.......................maybe..................

No Time, Must Bullet

Its been forever and a day since I last posted. Sorry for the drive-by bullet post..

• My nephew is here!!!!!!!!! He was born on Thanksgiving day and my sister went through hell and back to have him, but he's gorgeous and they're both doing great. 8lbs 1.9oz and 22 inches.
• A has decided to hit the "terrible 2's". I thought it was bad before. She's taken it to a whole new level. It tiring and frusterating and I hate the parent that I am most of the time. All I do is yell.
• Cozmo's upgrade should be available soon, very soon. I'm incredibly excited! Already talked with my rep. Supposedly, instead of a download of the software, they're actually just going to send out new pumps. Might pay the $99 to upgrade to the cool new green color!

Why I shouldn't be in charge

I've discovered today that I should not be allowed to be in charge of a little person. I'll list the reasons for you.

1) I eat raw cookie dough. Wrong on too many levels to list.
2) I eat whipped cream out of the can, straight into my mouth. Very simple. Shake can, tilt head, enjoy.
3) 1 & 2 would constitute dinner if I was left to my own devices.
4) I LOVE freeze pops and still routinely enjoy them even though its below freezing out. They accompany cookie dough and whipped cream amazingly. Perfect finish to a perfect meal.
5) Neon Blue freeze pop, beige carpet. 2 yr old who has no concept of gravity or stains, spinning in a very tight circle, while her mom surfs the net, mindlessly enjoying the veggie song from Sesame Street playing in the background.

I'm now the proud owner of a nice art deco beige carpet with blue spots randomly distributed in an oval, whiplash manner.


Note to self, give the 2 yr old the light pink freeze pop. YOU eat the neon blue one.




"some plants grow above the ground, some plants grow below.....Plants can grow HIGH, Plants can grow low, some grow above the ground, some grow below...."

Flying High

I've got issues, huge issues, not seeing anything in the 100's issues (expect the quick juant to 60 and back up again this morning).

I seriously don't know what's wrong. I've been in the 200's for at least a month now. CONSTANT 200s.

I'd been riding a beautiful average of about 114 last month, now. I've changed sites, thrown out insulin, increased basal (crap if I increase them anymore, I might as well load the whole damn bottle into my Cozmo).

This is ridiculous and its driving.me.insane.

Angry

I took my diagnosis in stride for the sake of my family, never allowing them to see me cry, even if I still wonder if it was all my fault. I had never allowed myself to fully express the anger I have about diabetes. How unfair life can be. Why I had to be the one with it. How much I hate testing, hate the days where my blood sugar is high, my mind a fog and all I want to do is go to sleep. Angry when my life is interrupted because this thing is beeping at me, telling me its time to test, time to change a battery, time to refill the insulin if I want to live for another 3 days. Angry, that I have to be attached to a machine like RoboGirl (even though I wouldn't give up my mechanical pancreas for all the Lantus in the world.)

Angry because my disease interfers not just with my life, but those around me. Times when sites have failed and I have insulin, but no needle with me and now we have to stop what we were doing and go home. Moments when my sugar plummets and locating anything with sugar is now priority #1. When my moods are dictated by what the stupid numbers on a meter say and how my mouth will lash out at those I love most when those numbers are high.

3 years ago I found a group of pregnant women with T1. I couldn't believe that there were so many people out there dealing with the same issues, same anger. I wanted to meet each and everyone (and did meet a bunch , including Kassie!) and suddenly I felt better about this disease, less alone. I could voice my anger and there were people who actually understood. People who wouldn't roll their eyes and say "your sugar must be high" when I voiced any negativity.

Then one year ago, this month, I started this blog, not knowing that there was a whole D Community out there (thanks again Kassie!). My days were suddenly filled with people who understood this whole "life". I didn't have to wait for an email to arrive. I could surf around and read and understand the daily struggles of everyone out there. Without you all, I'd still be hiding the anger of my disease, keeping it shoved beneath the surface, boiling. I'd still be alone and silently scared. I realize now, even though it truly is a small world, its nice to belong somewhere and I'm suddenly less angry.

I can live with this AND enjoy life, because you do.

I can do whatever I want, because you have.

Diabetes won't limit me, because you refuse to let it limit you.

and

I can be angry when I need to be, because you are always there, to listen, to understand and to let me be angry.

Writers Block

Seeing as how I've NEVER written anything as ambitious as NaNoWiMo, I think I'm in a little bit over my head.

I decided to write a "ghost story" of sorts. Basically my main character is going to start her own "ghost hunters" business assuming that its all hogwash, and a quick way to make a buck and learns that she's OH SO WRONG.....

Ok, that's all good, but I need, dear readers, your best "ghost stories" to incorporate, whether true happenings, or made-up campfire stories.

Please help! I don't know if I'll hit 50,000 words, or even be done by Nov 30th, but I'm really interested in doing this.

Tagged, like a deer....

Yikers I've been tagged by Kassie

Ok, 5 things that I haven't already blurbed about myself here.....Hmmmmmmmmmmm

1.) I HATED swimming, yet did so competitively from the time I was 5 or 6 up until my Junior Yr of High School (maybe Hate is too strong, I LOVED practicing, hated the time consuming black hole it was). Swam for my local Y for most of it (up until the end of my Freshman year). I wasn't an awesome swimmer, but held my own. The thought of quitting terrified me, though. I finally quit the local Y team so that I could play my true love, Volleyball through high school.

2.)I've never broken a bone. Not even a teeny-tiny toe. Never had stiches either.

3.)I wore a backbrace for a little over 2 yrs because of lumbardosis when I was around 10. It wrapped completely around my back and stomach and was cinched together in the back. I spent probably 3 or 4 yrs going to Shriners to be treated for it.

4)...ya, um, 4)....I need a life (or need to stop being soo honest all the time)! No....Ok, I don't sleep at night. I have no trouble falling asleep, but staying asleep. Doesn't happen. I toss and turn and toss and turn. Its gotta be genetic because my mom, dad and sister are the same way. Leads to a very grumpy me most days.

5)I NEED people to like me and avoid conflict like the plague. I'm seriously sick that way. If I know someone doesn't like me it drives me insane. Just yesterday, I had to leave negative feedback for an eBay Seller (item was COMPLETELY not as described and STUNK)....I didn't even leave negative, just neutral because he offered to take it back, but wanted ME to pay to ship it back to him (hmmmmmm, $.99 book, already spent $2.50 for him to ship it to me, another $2.50 to send it back??? I'm not the brightest bulb, but $5.00 for a $.99 refund just doesn't add up in my boook....) It kills me now that this guy is pissed at me....Like I said, I need some SERIOUS help!

I'm not sure who has/hasn't done this yet, so I guess I'll just tag:

Rachel
Caren
KJ
and Andrea

Disappearing Sarah

I've been a bad blogger, lately. My heart just isn't in it. Actually the only thing my heart has been "in" lately is the many ways I plot to single-handedly crumble the financial existence of Preferred Mutual Insurance Company (PM).

If I could hang banners from every skyscraper in the world telling people about how crappy they are I would. Its been 43 days since our house was robbed. FORTY-THREE DAYS! I'm not closer to getting my check then the day we were robbed.

The very first time I actually HEARD from someone (other then our contracted adjuster)from PM was TODAY and that was because I finally wrangled a phone number from the adjuster. PM has had our claim for 3 full weeks now with no word from them...3 weeks of me pretty much emailing the adjuster daily and hopefully 3 weeks of him trying to get a hold of PM daily. They FINALLY got back to him yesterday....Their response.."We need a new Police Report".....

YOU WHAT?????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F(&*%^%#$)$J F*^^*#(^ 3 Fucking weeks and the best you can decide is that you want another fucking police report????????? Why couldn't we decide this THE DAY THE ADJUSTER SUBMITTED IT TO YOU!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I work with customers. If I ever took a customer's information down and then promptly did NOTHING with it for over 3 weeks, then ASK FOR SOMETHING THEY'VE ALREADY GIVEN ME....I'd be fired and there'd be no way in hell we'd ever be able to sell something to that customer...Fucking ridiculous.

On a light note....

Its A's 2nd birthday today! I tried singing her Happy Birthday, but it was met with emphatic "NO 2!!! NO!".

We also took her Trick or Treating and HOLY SHIT WAS THAT FUNNY!!!! She had her little strut on (she has the cockiest little strut) and would chant "Trick a Treach" up each driveway...form her little hand into the mightiest fist and pound on each door. Then stand their mute...LOL We eventually got "Tank You" and "Bye" out of her. But just watching her walk from house to house was just.too.cute.

Freaking Out

I did it. I broke down and tested A's blood sugar for the 1st time.

I picked her up from daycare with this as the day's report:
"She drank a HUGE amount of water today. She CONSTANTLY wanted water, which of course meant she had really wet diapers. Oh ya, and she ate a TON today, she was constantly asking for food".

To a "normal" mother of my daughter this would be a GREAT day!! Holy cow, she drank AND ate in 1 day!!!! Amazing!

Me, my heart sank and fear overtook me like none I've ever had. Raced home and tested.

118. I'm still not relieved. So dear readers, on a 2 yr old, with no idea when or what she last ate, is this okay?

Somersault

Guess what she figured out how to do last night?

A change of air

http://kevan.org/johari?name=floreksa

I found this over at Diabetic Princess.
Please take a look and fill out so that I'll have something mindless and fun to obsess about instead of the breakin...

Thanks :)

I'd like to get off now

I'm really getting sick of the "our house got broken into and everything was stolen" ride. Thanks, its been fun, but I need to go back to my safe, secure, still in possession of my belongings world now.

I've just emailed the adjuster to get a copy of HIS spreadsheet with the depreciation/holdback amounts they are applying to all of my possessions. I don't know why, but I'm terrified sitting here. I'm 100% expecting him to come back and say "oh, ya, that tv that you bought less then a yr ago, ya, we're gonna give you $100 for that, and oh, those 183 DVD's you had stolen, um ya, worth $0.26"

I.HATE.THIS. I hate worrying about shit that wasn't my fault. We worked HARD for our belongings and some asshole breaks a window, takes it all and WE have to worry if we'll actually be able to replace it. We have a replacement cost rider on our insurance so technically they have to give us whatever it costs to replace, but if we don't replace it, we have to take the depreciated value.

I hate the worry. The worry about what the insurance is going to say is an actual "replacement value" of our items....Worring each day as I drive home wondering "will the door be open today? Is today the day that they come back?"...WHEN THE FUCK WILL OUR WINDOW BE FIXED?!?!?!?!

DH and I have been watching "It Takes a Theif" lately...Although all we do is yell at the TV "YOUR STUFF IS COMING BACK DUMBASS!!!" and "WELL WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT LEAVING YOUR HOUSE UNLOCKED!!", but mainly "Your stuff is all coming back". Ya, ours isn't, its gone. Our house wasn't open either. All locked up. Nice and tight. I don't leave doors unlocked. EVER. If my hands on a door knob, its locking it.

I'm tired, I'm angry, and my D control has gone to the crapper.

23 Months

(so I missed 22 months, sue me!)

I can't believe in 1 month you're going to be 2!!! Where has the time gone? Where has my baby gone? I'm now the mommy of a little person with definite wants and needs, your biggest at the moment being THE DUCK.

You want THE DUCK, you need THE DUCK, your very existence depends upon THE DUCK being available at your beck and call. Daddy made the mistake of watching a Looney Tunes movie with you one day (desperation creates madness, and Daddy couldn't take another episode of Little Bear). You latched onto THE DUCK and there's been no looking back.

Each morning I hear you lovingly calling to me through the monitor.

"Ma-mmma! Ma-mmma!!...............
........I WANT DUCK!"

We've watched The Bugs Bunny Road Runner Movie so many times this past month, that I broke down and actually bought you a Thomas the Train movie (that's desperation RIGHT THERE!). Nope, still want THE DUCK.

We had bought a Looney Tunes Collection so that we could at least watch a few different Daffy Duck episodes, but ya, that 1 disk, that disk of life was stollen with everything else, and Bugs Bunny just doesn't it cut it for you!

You are also quite demanding with snacks, french fries (said with a definte chinese accent - "frewn frews")and just lately hugs. The last one melted my heart right then and there. I got you out of your crib, demanding my morning kiss, and when I went to put you onto your changing table you promptly threw the mother of all fits. It took me a little while to realize it, but you were saying "want hug". If I could have I would have given you THE DUCK, french fries and a snack right then and there!



Its amazing the way your vocabulary exploded during the last 2 months. I can understand close to 80% of what you are saying to me now. I may not get it the 1st or 2nd time, but you are persistant enough to keep saying it until I understand.

You still love, love, love the potty! But you also still do absolutely nothing on it. One day you'll get it.

Meme

Since I'm still the proud owner of nothing, and really still have nothing to say....maybe actually getting a full nights sleep (hear that SWCAL - night time is for SLEEP, NOT french fries!) will return my thoughts. Oh ya and if I could stop worrying about insurance / alarms / money that insurance may or may not give us... Anyway, I figured I could handle a meme...

1. Do you still have tonsils?

Amazingly Yes. I was threatened multiple times that I would have them removed (strep 10 times in 6 months). Turned out my dad was a symptomless carrier, one round of antibiotics on him and I was a new girl!

2. Would you bungee jump?

Not unless I was drugged, dragged, and tossed off.

3. If You Could Do Anything In The World For A Living What Would It Be?

I have no idea what, but it would be something creative that I enjoyed every second of, could do on my own schedule and allowed me to stay home with SWCA. Maybe something to do with baking.

4. How many tattoos do you have?

none....WAY too permenant for me.

5. Your favorite fictional animal?

Mickey Mouse. Was going to marry him when I was little and it wasn't a pretty sight when I was told I couldn't marry a cartoon.

6. One person that never fails to make you laugh?

My DH.

7. Do you consider yourself well organized?

Not.At.All

8. Any Addictions?

Sugar....Scary thought, huh?

9. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news?

CNN, I guess. Internet. Don't read the paper. Too difficult to manage.

10. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus?

A carnival-- more fun, more to see/do.

11. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A pilot with the Blue Angels.

12. Best Movie You've Seen This Year?

Is it sad that I can't think of any, even though we get Blockbuster Online?

I think I saw Crash this yr. OMG, I've never had such a physical response to a movie in my life. I honestly hurt after watching it.

Guilty Pleasure Best Movie - Mr. and Mrs. Smith I don't know why, but I.LOVE.THIS.MOVIE

13.Favorite alcoholic drink

Not a big drinker. Its gotta taste like Kool-Aid for me to enjoy it.

14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

Check email while I brush my teeth.

15. Siblings?

1 sister

16. What is the best thing about your job?

getting paid on Friday.

17. Have you ever gone to therapy?

Nope, but probably should.

18. If you could have one super power what would it be?

Maybe the ability to manipulate time.

19. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?

Nope.

20. Have you ever gone camping?

Not in years. We used to go every summer when I was little. Problem now is that my definition of camping (in which a bathroom is within walking distance) is FAR from DH's.

21. Gas prices! First thought?

Going down

22. Your favorite cartoon character?

Scooby Doo.

23. What was your first car?

A used 89 Chevy Cavalier.

24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?

Absolutely not.

25. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?

I guess Cosby Show.

26. Do you go to church?

No.

27. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?

Walt Disney

28. What errand/chore do you despise?

All.Of.Them

Every last one.

29. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?

I woke before it. Like I always do.

30. Last time you puked from drinking?

Never have.

31. What is your heritage?

French, French-Canadian, Irish and English.

Mostly French/French Canadian, though.

32. Favorite flower?

Tulips

33. Disney or Warner Bros?

Warner Bros. Definitely Warner Bros.

34. What is your best childhood memory?

Any memory from the lazy days at the camp, at the lake just spending the day on the water with our friends. Nights spent playing kick the bucket and walking around the lake in the dark trying to scare one another.

35. Your favorite potato chip?

Eat Smart Veggie Crisps
Hope those count

36. What is your favorite candy?

Dark Chocolate.

37. Do you burn or tan?

Tan

38. Astrological sign?

Sagittarius

39. Do you own a gun?

No.

40. What do you think of hot dogs?
Not my favorite.

The Cats are all home!

I found the 3rd cat a few minutes after posting. I was sitting in the computer room and thought I kept hearing a box just barely move. I knew that all of that had been tossed, ever so gently, all over the room by "The assholes" (formerly known as robbers), so deep down I knew it wasn't the cat, but had to look anyway.

Of course he wasn't there, but as soon as I sat back down, I saw his glorious little black nose peaking out of the closet. So thankfully, even though our side door was wide open from 12pm until 4:45pm, all 3 stayed in the house! (and OK, neighbor, how the hell do you not notice THAT?!?!?)

We were able to narrow the time of the crime to 11-12pm. One neighbor saw the car on the street with a guy walking the street at 11am, and is PISSED that he didn't call the cops (he always does - we live on a dead end, so we ALL known when a car belongs here or not), and the OTHER neighbor saw it in our driveway probably between 11:30 and 12pm. No license plate numbers, just a red/maroon Olds sedan with front fender damage. SO the cops have that.

julia - I'm right up the street from the library in your town(I think you're in the same town as Deb), on one of the side streets by the river.

Intrusion

We fucking got broken into today!!!!!!!! Everything's gone. Out Wide screen tv, the receiver, the dvd player, all the speakers, all our cameras, our laptop, our PHONES (who the fuck steals phones???)...Fucking EVERYTHING!!!

Worst off all we're still down a cat....MY cat :cry: :cry:

I came home and the side door was wide open. I left Ally in the car cursing that we mustn't have closed the door tight enough, but just in case. Walked in and immediately noticed that the tv was gone and lost it. I called John Hysterical, then my dad (my dad works minutes from my house), then the cops.

Oh fucking BEST thing, one neighbor watched the WHOLE DAMN THING and never called the cops!!!!!! What the fuck is that???!!!! Did you not get suspicious when EVERY piece of electronics was being unloaded from our house into a car you've never seen before??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

The broke the window in our kitchen in the back of our house to get in.

At this point I just want my cat back!

I completely lost it when we thought all 3 were gone. We found 2 of them in the house about 2 hours later, so we're hopeful the 3rd is still here just hiding really well.

No rest for the weary

Cancel the Tylenol PM and the blow to the head.

A's sicker then a dog right now. Kind of came out of left field. She's sleeping right now, but I put her to bed with a fever of at least 103F (it was 102F and change under her arm with her squirming). She also MASSIVELY congested and when she coughs (oh thank the heavenly lord it isn't often), it seems to last for 5 mintues, sounds like she's drowning and FREAKS.THE.HELL.OUT.OF.ME.

We're giving the tylenol an hour to do its magic. If she hasn't come down to a more respectable 100F, we'll be off to Urgent Care....Or if she has another coughing attack, I'll be taking her in.

It just doesn't sound right. She doesn't really have the sniffles and all this congestion is just lodged in her chest. You can hear it in her voice and breathing...Fears of pneumonia are cursing through me at the moment. Monitor is cranked by the bed. Off to get maybe 1/2hr of sleep.

Project: Screw Sleep

Data Log - Day 7

Sleep still nowhere to be found.

Sheets covered in cat hairball - 8pm. Lying on mattress.

Out of the blue high reading 8:30pm. Bolus. Still high at 9:45pm (5 points HIGHER to be exact). Another F&^%ing bad quickset site. New site, Rage bolus and low at 12am.

Lie on couch for 2 hours. Sleep for 1.

Lie in bed for 3 hours, sleep for 15 minutes.

Getting crankier by the minute. Want out.

I'm either taking Tylenol PM tonight, or just cracking myself in the head with a sledgehammer.

9/11

I wasn't sure if I could write about today.  I wasn't even sure I wanted to.  I'm compelled though to write what I probably will never be able to say.

5 yrs ago, I was sitting at work and answered the phone.  It was my boss's sister.  She told me a small plane had hit the World Trade Center.  Then his daughter called, then my cozy, safe world came crashing down.

We had workers in and around NYC, including my boss's son.  I began the ardurous task of trying to get a hold of them.  Cell phones were pretty much useless in the Northeast, but I kept dialing and dialing.  I finally got a hold of them.  They were all together, they were safe and they were trying to get out.  The made it over the bridges, one of the last cars to leave the city.  We later learned they watched it all happen from the roof they were on.

We turned on the tiny TV that we have here and watched.  I wasn't sure what to do with myself.  Do I work, do I go home?  News came of military actions and my thoughts suddenly turned to my sister.  At the time she was living on the Air Force Academy.  I called her immediately.  Didn't care if my boss said anything about calling Colorado from work.  I NEEDED to know she was safe.  She was, but the entire base was completely locked down, her husband was on duty and she was alone and terrified.

DH called around noon because his car wouldn't start.  He worked for a 24/7 call center for TTY users and HAD to get to work.  They were understandably swamped.  I left to pick him up and drive him in.

I drove past an auto dealership with the largest American Flag I'd ever seen, billowing in the wind.  I had driven past that flag thousands of times before and never noticed it.  And suddenly it hit me, that this was real and happening HERE, not half way around the world in some country I couldn't pronounce and would never visit.  Thousands of people who had gotten up, gone to work like any other Tuesday, weren't going to come home.   And I couldn't explain why they weren't...Why this had happened...Why here.

I hadn't cried until then.  I couldn't stop after that.  I cried the whole way home and all the way back.  I pulled it together enough to go back to work, but my heart, my mind, my soul was not there and wouldn't be for weeks.

That night I had planned on staying home, but 5 minutes of CNN and I HAD to get to my parent's house.  There was talk of war and retalliation, of further attacks and I couldn't handle it.  I sat in the cellar with my dad and cried watching the coverage.

I honestly don't remember much about the days and weeks that followed.  I know I cried pretty much every night after work watching Dan Rathers, and every morning before watching CNN.  We learned that one of my closest childhood friends shouldn't be with us today.  She should've been at the bottom of one of the Towers right as the planes were hitting.  She had decided to sleep in that morning and skip a class. 

We got up early that following Sat and stood in a line that streched for blocks and bought a flag.  We prayed for the families who had lost loved ones, for their spouses and children, their mothers and fathers.

9/11 shook me to my core.  It stripped me on an innocence that I'll never get back.  It's not that I'm scared to fly or travel or live my life, but it made me realize how quickly life can be taken.  How the most mundane of days can quickly become life altering and how little control I truly have.

I often wonder if Ally will ever fully comprehend what 9/11 means.  I'm guessing not.  She will learn about it through textbooks and edited videos shown in school, but it won't have the same meaning.

In which I Bore You with a Dream Sequence

I realized as I wrote this to a friend today, that it would make a good post. Ok, a decent post...Ok, ok, I just really want to tell everyone about my dream, and since you can politely "walk away" without me knowing it, I'm posting it here.

I had the WORST nightmare last night.

By far the worst, baby
related/ something happening to Ally nightmare.

It started as one of those no matter how hard you try to hurry and get somewhere you end up further and further behind. Well we were all trying to get to work, and just couldn't seem to get there. Drove around, not getting any closer to work and ended up at my parents. John leaves for work, carrying Ally, and this being a dream, my mom and I stay home and decide to have a party. Its the middle of winter and we're having a grand ole time till John calls (late at night, maybe 11ish). I ask how Ally is and he says "What do you mean? She's with you".

I drop the phone and start running all over screaming for her with my heart in my throat. Screaming and screaming, racing through the house looking for her. Outside, screaming into the wind, in the dark. I don't know what made me look, but I went to my van (I don't even own a van) and sure enough, there's Ally (probably 6 months old), strapped into her car seat, almost frozen (DH had thought I was following them out and put her in the car - we do this every morning. We leave together and he puts her in her carseat in my car). Her face was a gray color and shiney, like it was getting frostbitten.

I.LOST.IT.

Hysterical screaming and crying, crying like I've never cried before.NEVER. My dad was trying to get her out of the seat, my mom screaming "Is she alive?". I grabbed her and ran inside. Thankfully John had her all wrapped up in blankets in the car, so most of her was still somewhat warm and she was still alive. My mom was warming formula for her, trying to get anything warm into her and I was just holding her, rocking and crying.

I woke up bawling and it took quite a while to stop, including 2 trips into her room to make sure she wasn't cold. I'm still shaken when I think of it.